HAPPY FRIDAY! We present, for your procrastination pleasure, the following:

– Remember that time Jessica Simpson recorded “A Public Affair” and it was essentially Madonna’s ‘Holiday”? This time, she’s recorded a Christmas tune that literally is “All I Want For Christmas Is You,” with like one note changed. It’s even called, “My Only Wish (for Christmas Is You).” Just give it up, girl. (Gawker TV)

– Speaking of stealing, io9 looks at all the people who claim JK Rowling stole their ideas. And found ALL OF THEM wanting. She’s not going to write any of y’all a check, okay? Just give it up, writers. (io9)

– Also: you want to watch DanRad sing the periodic table whilst sitting next to Colin Farrell. You just DO. (Vulture)

– Finding yourself wondering how you would have restored your virginity in the 17th century, should you have found the need, lately? Who HASN’T? Thank god, we have answers at last. Unfortunately, it involves a rather odd diet. (The Hairpin)

– Apparently Shannen Doherty’s new book is NOT a dishy tell-all, but more of an advice compendium? I declare this DISAPPOINTING, despite not having read it. However, it does involve, apparently, a poem. Oh, Brenda. Get back to us when you’re giving up the dirt on Tori Spelling. (Jezebel)

– Lainey discovered the reason Katherine Heigl went to the CMAs. I thought it was just because she wanted people to pay attention to her. (Lainey)

– The Oxford English dictionary is on a quest to prevent thousands of words from falling out of daily use, and is asking people to “adopt” one, in order to keep it alive. I adopted “prandicle,” which means “small meal.” I LOVE a good prandicle. (Save the Words [site contains sound]).

– I’m going to have a prandicle while I look at pictures of cats in outfits. (The Cut)

– The New York Times chronicles the return of the turban. I’m just waiting for the return of the Urban Sombrero. (NYT)

– God bless the person who took one line from last week’s Vampire Diaries (in which Katherine confesses she was spying on Stefan at a Bon Jovi concert in the 80s) and created an entire Tumblr consisting of photos of Katherine lurking in the background of screenshots of other projects Paul Wesley has down. Hilar. (And I Was Watching You)

– Speaking of Vampire Diaries, Katerina Graham has a video up on YouTube in which she takes us through her closet and it is AMAZING. “I’m pretty much always wearing these harem pants,” is basically the first sentence out of her mouth. Awesome. (You Tube)

– It seems that the last time Kanye flew commercial, he gave fellow passengers an impromptu (and G-rated) concert. You guys, he IS softer and gentler now. He just wants to give back! (PopEater)

– You know how we feel about Ke$ha, but I kind of love her for admitting that she’s actually trying to dress like “a cross between Keith Richards and a hobo.” Ke$ha, you’re hired! (Celebitchy)