Many of you may remember Abigail Spencer from playing Sally Draper’s teacher on Mad Men, with whom Don hooked up, and there was this whole awkward thing where I could swear he left her sitting in his car with the intention of going back out and spiriting her away but then he changed his mind while inside, and I always wondered if he really just left her there or if she was going to knock on the door the next morning and be all, “AHEM?” Fewer of you may, as I do, recall her from her stint as Becca on All My Children, who was introduced in the most annoying way possible: Scott Chandler stumbled upon her in the park having a picnic for one, and the camera spent forty-five minutes panning up her body from her feet while she sang “This Kiss” by Faith Hill. (Seriously. They got a whole episode out of, “Who IS THAT GIRL?”) She also had her own show on Lifetime for a second called Angela’s Eyes, and apparently appears on HawthoRNe, the show with the worst use of capital letters ever.
None of which may help you recognize her here:
That might be a really cute dress, but somehow her styling of it makes me wonder if it’s NOT actually Abigail Spencer, but rather a homeless lady who got lucky outside Saks when an employee accidentally threw out the hold rack. Now, she’s worn those glasses other times, so obviously she’s going through the thick-rimmed I Must Look Like I’m Wearing Ray Bans At All Times phase that half of Hollywood went through a year ago, but they’re making her almost unrecognizable. I would suggest she’s having an existential crisis about how her face is her meal ticket, or something, but that’s not really likely unless she magically shrugged it off the next night, because look how cheery — and identifiable! — she is here:
We’ve flipped the script here: I’m thrilled with her head-suit and mildly afraid of the rest of her. That thing is ripped straight from a 1970s TV commercial for Country Time limeade, and/or a Learning Annex class on the art of couch camouflage, a.k.a., How To Make Out With Your Fella On Granny’s Basement Couch And Remain Undetected. It possibly also appeared on the CBS show Swingtown, during the scenes in which there was no swinging, and even less towning. In short: I’m scared, but I could really go for some key lime pie. So maybe there is something useful here, to the Florida citrus industry at least.