“Can you hear me NOW?”

“Like, what? Do I actually have to change my name to Pari$? Like, come on, I dated a guy once with my same name! I had feuds! I offended people with my stupidity! I shouldn’t have to become [email protected] to get your attention! I am the patron saint of famewhores, America, and you’re forcing me to change my name to [email protected]$ just to get your attention? Like, if THAT doesn’t work I’m going to have to try and get another JOB, people! Do you really want me to stoop that low? DO YOU? HOW MUCH LOUDER DO I HAVE TO YELL? I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO PRONOUNCE ‘[email protected]$,’ DUDES. I DON’T SPEAK RUSSIAN.”