I have heard tell that Kim Kardashian is upset about gaining weight while pregnant.
I have CAPSY thoughts about this:
1) YOU’RE PREGNANT. What did you think was going to happen?
2) WE KNOW YOU’RE PREGNANT. NOBODY THINKS YOU ARE FAT. And besides, anyone who body-shames a pregnant lady can seriously shove it with knobs on.
3) You are seriously missing out on the ONE TIME in most women’s lives when they don’t have to suck in, and can in fact shove out their stomachs and go, “CHECK OUT THIS AWESOME GIANT BELLY.” It’s really fun. Bump it up! Don’t hide it! Enjoy the freedom.
4) THOSE PANTS ARE NOT FREEDOM.
5 YOUR FETUS DOES NOT WANT TO WEAR HEINOUS GROIN-RUFFLE PANTS. NOBODY DOES. WHY ARE YOU?
6) I can’t believe I’m saying this, but LET KOURTNEY BE YOUR GUIDE.
7) If gaining weight bothers you that much, JUST WEAR SOME EMPIRE-WAIST DRESSES. YOU ARE MAKING EVERYTHING WORSE.
8 ) Repeat that last one over and over, like, a lot, about whatever.
** I may need to clarify that I am not trying to say that pregnant women can’t be thrown off by the changes in their bodies. But there is a difference between that and denial. To me, wearing those pants doesn’t say, “I am feeling awkward about my changing form.” Rather, that garment, to me, is a fingers-in-ears scream of, “LA LA LA NOTHING IS
CHANGING AT ALL.” My point was, don’t let denial get in the way of biological necessity — and also, those trousers are odious. But the former is dipping into armchair psychoanalysis, so I apologize if I overstepped…