We got an email the other day from a reader, and it said something along the lines of, “Is Jessica Biel looking kind of bland lately, or is it just me?” And I was like, “gentle reader, it is not just you, for I was thinking the same thing recently.” I mean, it’s not that she woke up some morning and she was totally hideous — she is still physically lovely, of course — but she just looks so OATMEAL lately. To wit:

2008 Palm Springs International Shortfest

I mean, it’s fine. She looks fine. I just feel like iJEBT Iufiu9487ytg’jhnbhhhhhh.iwyriu bb b 

Sorry. I fell asleep. I was just going to say that she’s young and firm and gorgeous, so why doesn’t she try some eiwhto98e877244 *%&$Tgjkekgn .

Shoot. You know what? Why don’t you take over?