Well, that’s it — thanks to the backdrop from the Russian premiere of Salt, I will now always refer to that movie as Coat.

Angelina Jolie at the premiere of the film

[Photo: Splash News]

I hear Coat is supposed to be pretty good, which makes me happy, because I not-so-secretly love Angelina. In many ways I think she’s the anti-Gwyneth — lots of people say they love GOOP in spite of the crazy-snobby comments she makes sometimes (like how there is no excuse for women who don’t lose their baby weight, which… thanks a lot for that, Lady With Personal Trainer and Nanny Budget) and find her delightful even though she fancies herself so very upper-crust, and while I understand that, personally I don’t find Gwyneth one-tenth as interesting as she finds herself. And then you have Angelina, who has been sainted more by the media than by her own hand, and who seems to be playing along when it suits her but also doesn’t seem to are that much if the mantle slips. Like, one of them wants SO BADLY to be your queen, and the other one was handed that throne, and she’s all, “Well, it’s comfortable, I guess, and my feet hurt, so I won’t say NO…” For some reason I prefer the latter. Maybe it’s because it seems like the more precarious position, or maybe it’s because I find her infinitely more intriguing psychologically than GOOP; part of it is DEFINITELY that I wish Angie would put out her version of GOOP, called Tres Jolie, in which she tells me things like where to go when I’m in the mood to be a goodwill ambassador, which knives are the most aerodynamic for throwing, and which crystal shop makes the most solid rocks in which to store the blood of a loved one.
Anyway: The dress. It’s a color! And a dramatic one, at that. But it’s also the unimaginative go-to dramatic color whenever anybody is like, “Eh, I need something bright this time.” As if her stylist’s brain couldn’t quite free itself from the box. Still, that isn’t the dress’s fault, and I’d rather see this than black again. My quibble, I think, is that I don’t like Angelina’s bangs right now and it’s ruining the rest of the effect for me. She needs a good haircut with some shape and style to it. I’m not even convinced she DID her hair before this Coat screening. Although she wears enough wigs in this movie (per the trailer, anyway) that she probably figured nobody would notice. WRONG, A. Wrong. Now go sit down and write a newsletter about how to find a wig that doesn’t itch.

Tags: red, Brangelina