(1) POSH vs. (6) BEYONCE
Beyonce has had it rough here — it’s been an endless string of divas for her, from Kylie Minogue to Helena Bonham Carter (who isn’t so much a diva as a Derelicte devotee, but whatever — in terms of TALENT, she has as much right to be a diva as any of these people if not more) to Sienna Miller, who frankly, would probably like you to think she’s a diva but who is more accurately a sheep in Kate Moss’s clothing. And now she gets Victoria Beckham. It’s got everyone buzzing. Unless that’s just a side effect of having had water trapped in my ear for two days.
These two women really aren’t so different. Beyonce, for example, isn’t averse to wearing dresses that barely rein in her assets — or, what we lovingly refer to as “Pulling a Posh” — and Victoria is wildly unafraid of hot pants.
Beyonce’s grocery shelf may not be as squished and crammed, but the effect is the same: One false move and the melons will go flying. As for Posh, well, she could well be the daughter Tina Knowles never had, if you don’t count the two she does.
And at times — inexplicable, ill-advised, presumably hung-over times — these women both prairie it up in garish style…
… and then look a tiny bit ashamed of it. Beyonce is all, “Yeah, I drew the short straw, so I let the other Destiny’s Child girls wear little sundresses and I’m dressed like I’m about to dress like I’m frigging Laura Ingalls going to the prom in something her blind sister Mary picked out for her.”
And, I mean, Victoria, you accessorize like a champion — David is the best thing you could wear with any of your batty outfits — but wearing a see-through lace undergarment with the curtains you ripped down from your country home in England is not the way to look gentle and genteel. It’s what you (specifically YOU) wear if you want to say, “Last night I finished off four bottles of champagne by myself while I was burning copies of Rebecca Loos’ newspaper interviews and I’ve been up all morning heaving into the toilet, so we’re just going to be here for a few minutes and then David’s taking me out for greasy fish and chips and then I’m going to sleep for two days and wake up with amnesia. Okay? Great.”
These two are magic. They’re both people whom we feel drag queens must LOVE to impersonate on Halloween, or just for fun on a random Wednesday. It’s heart-wrenching to think they won’t both move on (not as tough as what’s going down in the Charo bracket, but still emotionally challenging), so vote carefully.