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(2) SHARON “RAPID BEAVER” STONE vs (1) VICTORIA “POSH SPICE” BECKHAM

The final four! It’s here at last! It’s almost time to cue “One Shining Moment” over a touching montage of, like, Courtney Peldon kicking Lohan in the nads or Tilda Swinton and K-Fed sharing a tender-yet-creepy post-game embrace.

As for this particular game, we must be frank: we love these two. If they were to start showing up places looking even vaguely normal on a regular basis, we would be bereft. We are the Mark Darcy to their Bridget Jones: We love them just as they are, even if what they are is totally nutrageous. They are delicious, glamorous divas and you best believe they have their eyes on you:

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One of them plans to kill you with merely one well-placed acrylic toenail and the other one will just very, very awkwardly seduce you. Guess who is who?!

Now, you’ve surely already perused Sharon’s archive, as well as Posh’s. Their choices haunt your dreams, their abuses of their stellar genetic material has had you racked with sobs on more than on occasion. You love them, you hate them, you love to hate them, you hate to love them, you love to love them — who are we to judge you? But you feel about them, and you feel strongly. Let’s take a wee peek at some NEVER SEEN BEFORE fugs before we head into the voting booths, shall we?

Have you perhaps forgotten the unfortunate time Posh decided she was a hip-hop artist (no, I’m not making that up. She really decided that, for about six weeks)?

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What about…uh, I’m not entirely sure how to classify this?

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Other than, of course, as being AWESOME.

Which they both are… you know, in a way.