Usually, my Sue Miller horoscopes are tiny flickers of semi-decent predictions that don’t currently apply to my life, and then dire warnings that I should avoid doing anything when Mercury goes in retrograde or else my house will explode, and that I’m likely to go broke soon. So imagine my glee when my January 2011 horoscope was AWESOME. Seriously, apparently, I am going to win the lottery tomorrow — although I have not, as yet, bought a ticket — and I am going to get a new computer, I am going to have super-mega healing powers, and I am going to suddenly become wicked smart. Hooray for me.

What does this have to do with Shiri Appleby, you ask?

Nothing, really — except that when I saw her in this picture wearing a spectacularly unflattering modified dust ruffle, I wondered if her horoscope portended good things in 2011, or whether Sue Miller has foreseen more outfits made of discarded bed linens. Good news: Sue says Shiri is going to get another job soon and meet her one true love, and she is going to be asked to sacrifice something she has that she likes so that her life can make room for something better. I have a perfect suggestion for what might fulfill column A in that equation: Send this dress to the cleaners and forget to pick it up, and then her home wardrobe can accommodate something that doesn’t make her look slouchy, boxy, and a bit like she’s a cheerleader for the local mortuary’s flag football team. Unless that’s where she’s going to meet her one true love, in which case, I will help her make matching pom-pons out of garbage bags. Because I’m a sucker for romance.