In the category of Most Half-Assed Movie Poster Ever, I give you the new front runner.

Where to begin?

a) If you don’t have enough celebrity faces to fill a grid, and have to use a placeholder consisting of of stock photos of people embracing and booze, then DON’T MAKE A GRID OF CELEBRITY FACES.

b) If you’re going to go against all common sense and what I just told you, and make that hideous grid of celebrity faces, maybe use photos from the actual movie and not, like, random pictures of Ashton Kutcher that you got off LiveJournal and a screen grab of Hilary Swank from PS, I Love You.

c) I look forward to reading the email Lea Michele has surely sent SOMEONE about this monstrosity, in which she rails about how she has been rendered literally unrecognizable. Because her face has never looked like that. Ever. That picture looks like it was flipped to be a mirror image of itself. We all know what Lea Michele looks like (pretty; prone to hilarious fierceness) and this is not it.

d) To Jessica Biel, Ashton Kutcher, Hector Elizondo: you are currently over your limit of Movies Named After/Set During Major Romantic Holidays.  If you were playing the same character in this movie as you did in Valentine’s Day — perhaps the worst movie I’ve ever seen on a plane, and that includes Employee of the Month — then we would give you a pass, but you are not, according to IMDb. If, at any point in the next forty years, any of you appear in movies titled Mother’s Day, Labor Day, or Arbor Day, you will be asked to leave the 310 area code immediately and be banned from ever returning. (Note: should you be cast in a remake of Independence Day or Halloween, you will be allowed to appear before a council of your peers [currently consisting of James Van Der Beek, The Rock, and SWINTON] and make a case for special dispensation.)

e) To all celebrities everywhere: the only people sincerely delighted by the prospect of a movie with THIS MANY PEOPLE in it are the ones who work in PR and those of us who know that, at the very least, the premieres will yield some useful photographs for our blogs. Everyone else finds it exhausting. Word to the wise.