I’m pretty sure this cover is supposed to be sultry, or something, but instead Reese Witherspoon looks bored. And a little depressed.



[Photo: Splash News]

Reese looks way more like the cover-line cautionary tale of the girl who got caught red-handed in the boss’s drawers, and no, not the ones on his desk. Or perhaps the young girl who nailed the septagenarian and is trying to say, “Listen, if I were after his money, this sweater would be a damn MINK WRAP.” She does NOT look, tragically, look like a woman with any kind of new passion — unless, say, it’s a passion for staring blankly into middle distance, reading Beowulf in 24-hour spurts, or making a steak every day and then forcing herself to stare at it without ever bringing it to her lips.

Or maybe she’s just upset because she lost a sizable bet to Jake Gyllenhaal that Marie Claire would pull together only 350 hot spring looks this year. It’ll be okay, though, Reese — if Jake’s that attuned to the mag, then you could still win out, as he’ll surely he’ll flip through that poorly titled article being pimped just above the masthead, called “What Makes Men Propose.” Because nothing is sexier or more strong and independent than trying to understand what to do to MAKE your man propose, right? So cheer up, and let’s socially regress together!