Oh, this cover.

1) Doesn’t that sans-serif font look like the result of an error message? “I’m sorry, [font name] isn’t available so Photoshop has substituted Arial.” Actually the entire thing seems a bit amateurishly art directed from that standpoint.

2) Julianne’s bathing suit is made for a lady with different size breasts.

3) Also I don’t even think it’s a bathing suit. It’s just lingerie, right?

4) Why the lingerie? BORING.

5) Hair looks GREAT and she is so pretty, and I appreciate that she’s trying, but that facial expression is a cross between The Joker and Jessica Simpson. It’s not her best look.

6) I’d find her more confident, in a Yay Ladies kind of way, if she shook her hair back and stuck out her chin and seemed more defiantly secure. This is a little Maxim, maybe? I chalk that up to direction, though.

7) If you’re keeping lust alive, why is it a Hashtag Throwback Thursday?

8) I am not a fan of multiple exclamation marks. I have trouble even using one, unless I am being sarcastic.

9) Say no to cover emojis.

10) Without having read the issue — DISCLAIMER — the cover line that really turns me off is the one about how to live a “$$$ life.” It doesn’t say how to increase your earning power, or get a promotion; it just seems to imply it’s teaching you to live large, as if that — the very showmanship of it all — is what matters. If the story IS actually empowering and useful from a professional standpoint, or even a Secretly Great Budget Swap standpoint, then that headline totally undersells it. And if it’s not, and it’s just teaching you that appearances are all that matter… kids, that’s a Confessions of a Shopaholic trap. Don’t do it.