Okay, no, Rachel did not take her new husband’s name. But I couldn’t resist putting it in there, because he was so terse and humorless in his EW interview about their blessed union. I’m guessing there is some weirdness with their exes, potentially? I don’t know. But all the refusals to talk about it make it look way more suspicious than if he were like, “Yeah, Rachel and I got married, and we’re really happy, and she is super hot, the end.” And frankly, I suspect if I were Rachel, I’d be like, “Excuse me, Daniel? It would really be nice if you at least WANTED to shout about this from the rooftops, okay? I would even settle for speaking about it in a normal voice from a balcony of moderate altitude. Thanks in advance.”

Some people speculated she is pregnant.

If she is, her stomach is holding taut pretty well. I think this dress could be cute — with different shoes; I hate those with it — but it’s hard to judge because it got so wrinkled. See, Scientists, THIS is why you need to invent teleportation. Limo rides are the enemy of fashion.

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