I think Alesha Dixon — whom you probably remember from the girl group Mis-Teeq and also from how every time she pops up on here I write, “You probably remember her from the girl group, Mis-Teeq!” — is super pretty:
And the dress itself may have a bit Eau de Gift Bag, but I kind of like it overall. However, I’m worried about one thing. Okay, two things, technically.
It’s like…a mesmerizing amount of chest. It’s the sort of thing that is kind of hypnotizing regardless of your sexual orientation. I feel like she’s going to spend the whole night saying things like, “MY EYES are UP HERE,” and whilst everyone should be enough of an adult to know that cleavage, as we learned from Seinfeld, is like the sun — you never look directly into it — this vast amount of pectoral area is like a tractor beam. I just want to run up to her and move the East and West Coasts of her bodice ever-so-slightly closer to middle America, you know what I mean? Just to save her from having to whack too many people over the head with her evening clutch, if nothing else. (But also — and mostly — because I think it’d be prettier that way.)