Fug Madness 2020: How Far Will Ben Platt’s Pants Take Him?

Jump to the polls:

(2) Ben Platt vs. (7) Halsey · (3) Christina Aguilera vs. (6) Kacey Musgraves

(2) BEN PLATT v. (7) HALSEY

Ben Platt was a popular suggestion among Fug Nationals in our post about whom we should nominate, and as best I can tell, it’s because he dresses like he stole his pants from the costume archive of a theatre that does Tennessee Williams plays.

They just LOOK like they belong on a young Brian Dennehy as he stomps around the stage, probably with a hat in his hand, rumpled, downtrodden, delivering a piercing but ragged stare. Which is fine! These pants, with their rise as high as a New York skyscraper, have their place. It is not here. And not with that tight tuck.

I believe those pants best befit a musical version of The Legend of Bagger Vance. And these…

… are like if a Clue remake got Colonel Mustard all wrong.

The first time I saw this outfit, I described him as trying to sell us a monorail, and I sincerely cannot think of another approach to this photo:

It just IS. Somebody toss him his cane; he’s gotta to lie to us through song!

He just… really loves a high waist and a pleat:

And a loud shirt. That is a real SITUATION right there. Also, pant LENGTH is an issue here, as well. He has the vibe of Unfrozen Showman Youth of Yesteryear, who has somehow ended up in our time and is trying to figure out how to dress himself and keeps veering into Newsies.

Halsey also sometimes has problems with pants — namely, finding them:

I have really enjoyed Halsey this past year or so; she’s delivered several really visually interesting performances, and I think sometimes the sheer talent that requires gets overshadowed when people hear your name and think, “Oh, yeah, Neon Sheath Bikini Girl.”

Although honestly, it’s the shoes, Marty. Something’s gotta be done about your shoes.

Hey, this is messy:

I appreciate how much she likes wearing THOSE shoes, though.

I enjoy the statement her part is making in this photo, but the dress is a mess:

Truly, she unearths… real… creations:

She won’t be wearing one of these for a while, as I’m sure waxers were not deemed Essential Businesses and I am pretty sure you can’t wax from six feet away:

Pelvises are not shoes, friend. Don’t lace them.

Archives: Ben, Halsey

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(3) CHRISTINA AGUILERA vs. (6) KACEY MUSGRAVES

Every couple years, Christina Aguilera comes out of hiding and swans around in big outfits and then disappears again. This was one such year. So we were treated to this:

And then this, which looks like a combo of Morticia Addams and some bad suturing:

I love the person openly photobombing her here:

He knows exactly what he’s doing, and I’m here for it. I am NOT here for her poorly cut coat dress.

For a second I thought that was an elaborate neck tattoo, until I realized it’s the neck of the dress.

Yes, she was in Paris. That one does make me giggle. Although with the above Viktor + Rolf, that’s deliberate on its part; I don’t think this one is being intentionally funny:

That outfit feels like several Madonna videos rolled into one.

Kacey Musgraves’s Instagram handle is Spacey Kacey, and that is perfect because she always looks blissed out on something (perhaps merely the marrow of life). Here, she is apparently enjoying Zen and the Art of  Chanel Ski Suit:

Here, she is high on Cher vibes:

And again:

Here, she is possibly smiling through whatever allergy meds wearing that dress requires:

Here, she is perhaps enjoying the effects of the Advil that are helping her function admit her punishing ab routine:

And here, I think she is High On Regrets.

I feel that.

Archives: Christina, Kacey

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