Don’t you love Gaga there, welcoming us to this final bracket of the day? SHE IS OVERJOYED TO SEE US. I am overjoyed by the idea of seeing her face off against Noted Kook Kate Capshaw. Likewise, I find the idea of Amy Schumer battling Cate Blanchett to be a fight I sort of wish also involved an arm-wrestling match. Former It-Girl Sienna Miller tackles — not literally — current It-Girl Hailee Steinfeld, and Nicole Kidman takes on Serayah, which…who hasn’t dreamed of those two, together at last? (Actually, Nicole would be fun on Empire, so let’s work on that.) TO THE BRACKETS:
I’ve gotten to a life place where Gaga mostly HIGHLY amuses me. I don’t know WHEN this switched happened, but I think it was when I realized that she and Tony Bennett seemed to legit love each other, and they were hanging out on their off-hours and, like, making Taylor Kinney run out and get them pizza. Between that, and her tear-soaked Julie Andrews moment at the previous year’s Oscars, plus her recent refusal to wear meat clothes, I am apparently now delighted by her. Like, she wears INSANE coats outside now, but suddenly I find them fun instead of try-hard. She often tends to pop up at dinner or whatever dressed like she fell out of a movie set in New York in the early 80s, which is entertaining. She also wore THIS THING? And she looked HELLA DRAMATIC at the Met Ball. Beyond all of those — and the rest of her archives, which I linked below, we also got the following during this past Fug Madness season:
Just spending this year with Gaga is, in fact, like taking a trip through the ages. That was 1980. This is 1997:
This obviously exists in a place beyond our human conception of the way time works:
As does this, frankly:
(Some of that was a salute to David Bowie, but I think even he would have been like, “darling, those shoes. Please Be careful.”)
This next one is a return to the 80s, and we landed in the middle of an episode of Behind the Music. You know. Right when stuff goes REALLY TO HELL:
That photo never fails to make me laugh. She just looks so….expressive.
Shhhh, I secretly loved this one, because I’m home for Sexy Amelia Earhart Shenanigans:
I just thought Prince Harry might like to get a little cameo appearance here in Fug Madness:
And it’s not Fug Madness without pasties, SO:
Thanks for obliging, Stef.
And, you know, now that I think about it, I honestly think that Gaga and Kate Capshaw would get along. Kate LOVES A HAT. She is clearly really feeling the Diane Keaton thing, and goodness knows, Gaga appreciates a costume. This was at the Oscars, and it was NUTTY:
It’s a look that was clearly related to her ensemble for the Star Wars premiere:
Which….was a choice that she made.
And if we’re talking about street style:
Girlfriend LOVES a hat. I respect this commitment to theme.
Is it weird that I feel like I want to set up a lunch date for these two? They have some things to talk about!
(You’ve seen all we have of Kate.)
Whose fug reigns supreme?
- Lady Gaga (58%, 4,476 Votes)
- Kate Capshaw (42%, 3,184 Votes)
Total Voters: 7,655
Ooooh, I don’t want to unduly influence the jury, but I think this one is going to be CLOSE. Nicole’s year was very up and down. This first one was down. This was SO FAR DOWN:
One’s gown ought not appear to have a raging case of boils.
And while I like this (and clearly so does Keith), a LOT of you did not:
This fell in the same, sharply divided category:
Some of you thought it was too cutesy. (Shh, I kind of liked it.) But even I, Erdem-lover that I am (and apparent Nicole aficionado), could not sign off on this next one. It is heinous and fussy and twee and generally a bad idea all over the place, much like that time she decided to do the Bewitched reboot:
I mean. Sincerely yikes.
And while this isn’t as bad — WHAT IS? — and her shoes are great, but it’s a bit glum?
Over to her competitor. I got to speak to Serayah for Cosmo at this past Fashion Week, and I am happy to tell you that she is lovely and delightful in person, which makes THIS even harder to swallow:
WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING HERE. You are JUST FRINGE. You are EMBODYING FRINGE. Fringe and granny panties, which are two terrible tastes that taste awful together.
As for this one, I can only quote Heather’s original post:
NO ONE needs that many belts.
I cannot even parse what this IS:
Other than possibly homespun. By someone who wasn’t entirely sure what she was doing, like, at all, but who DID have the impressive self-confidence to just go with it.
Comparatively, this is not TERRIBLE:
But nor is it great. And while I hate to end on a low note:
This was a bit of a thunk.
Allow me to show you Nicole’s archives.
Would you like to see Serayah’s? Go for it.
Whose fug reigns supreme?
- Nicole Kidman (14%, 1,083 Votes)
- Serayah (86%, 6,484 Votes)
Total Voters: 7,566
This was the year that Hailee decided to be a generic pop star instead of an Oscar-nominated actor, and ergo she wore a lot of CRAZY STUFF to a variety of Jingle Balls and various concerts and musical events. Like so:
That’s like if ColorForms sponsored a jumpsuit.
This is like…if mesh fell in love with a tunic and the baby shrunk in the wash:
As I said when she wore this next one the first time, it is totally a loaner from Taylor Swift, and I’m pretty sure Hailee’s butt cheeks made an appearance at some point in this thing:
In case you ever thought, “hmmm, I wonder how would it look if I wore a bra top with a lace tablecloth?” HERE IS YOUR ANSWER:
This just makes me laugh. Oh, kids:
In addition to all those music-related events, Hailee wore some other wacky outfits to OTHER Jingle Balls, of which she attended about a gillion.
This year, Hailee also decided to be in a sequel to a movie despite the fact that she wasn’t in the original which…look, I know Pitch Perfect was fun and successful, but that’s a weird career choice for an Oscar-nominee. (I have a LOT of concerns about Hailee’s career trajectory, I guess.) So she also attended a variety of movie events, with equally…questionable success:
And never forget THIS little number:
Nor this one:
NOR THIS ONE:
2015 really was, in many ways, A WORLD of YIKES, you guys. I sort of feel like I need a sundae or something to get over this. I want to eat some feelings.
Even Bradley Cooper is like, “yeah, guys, I know, she’s a total bummer here:”
She also brought us LOADS of gym hair, although, frankly, it’s worth wondering whether Gym Hair as a style is actually a gift to us all:
VERY Sister-Wives, right?
This, on the other hand, is like SISTER-WIVES GO WILD:
Whereas this is more Lady Peter Pan Fights High Humidity And Loses:
A very specific style choice, no? You cannot say that she doesn’t have a vision.
Whose fug reigns supreme?
- Hailee Steinfeld (87%, 6,447 Votes)
- Sienna Miller (13%, 1,006 Votes)
Total Voters: 7,452
Brace yourself. Cate the Great WORE SOME STUFF this year.
Amy is like the polar opposite of Cate in that her main issue is that she’s kind of a snooze. Like, by any definition, this is TOTALLY fine and good on her:
It’s just the same thing she wears all the time. Can you ding someone for being predictable? That’s up to you, dear voters.
She did have some legit clunkers, though. THIS did not do her justice:
Although, in fairness, the color is good.
The color HERE is also good, but again the fit is a little wonkus:
In the interest of full disclosure, I basically have the designer imposter of that dress — it’s two million years old, from J. Crew — and I don’t get why MY J Crew dress looks better than this one does, when I’ve had to drag it out of the back of my closet and it also maybe has a small pasta stain on it. (As ever, though, her legs are fab.)
This is just a wee bit too small, I think:
But three cheers for a pattern!
Extend your Carte Blanchett here.
Whose fug reigns supreme?
- Cate Blanchett (67%, 4,940 Votes)
- Amy Schumer (33%, 2,480 Votes)
Total Voters: 7,419