The first week back from break is OVER! Can you believe it? I feel like I should burst into a chorus of “LOOKS LIKE WE MADE IT,” and THAT is one of the many reasons you should be glad you can’t literally hear me. While I warble, please enjoy:

– I haven’t mentioned Jon Hamm in at least a week — well, in this space. Just last night, I was playing with one of Heather’s twins and we used his green plastic toy phone to call Jon Hamm and invite him over for dinner. We also invited Conan O’Brien and Jorge Garcia. They are all apparently running really late — so enjoy these dreamy pictures of him being all dreamy. (Lainey Gossip)

– No matter what bad decision you made today — drunk dialed an ex-boyfriend at 3am, ate six boxes of powered doughnuts for lunch, accidentally sent your boss an IM intended for your best friend detailing how much you hate your boss — at least you didn’t go out and get this epic, full-back, multi-Edwarded Twilight tattoo. (Best Week Ever)

– Sweet sausage omelet, you HAVE to read these excerpts from a short-lived but hugely-crazy 70s magazine aimed at groupies, called Star. NEVER have you seen so many sincere uses of the word “foxy” in one place. (The Hairpin)

– Now the Sev is dating Pauly D. At least, that’s what I decided is happening, based solely on this photograph. But wouldn’t that be awesome? I really want Chloe Sevigny to make a guest appearance on Jersey Shore. Can you imagine? For some reason, in this fantasy, she and Sammi (who I dislike) get in a giant fight that culminates in Chloe coldly explaining that Sammi calling  herself “the sweetest bitch you’ll ever meet” actually just communicates to everyone that she’s hugely passive-aggressive.  (MTV Style)

– I’m sure you’re aware that it’s James Ver Der Beek Week (Van Der Week) but if you haven’t already seen this, you need to. Just trust me. (James Van Der Memes)

– You may have ALSO seen this, but even if you have, Josh Groban singing Kanye West’s tweets is something you really can watch over and over and over again. It goes without saying that I would literally actually buy that album if it existed. (YouTube)

Lady Gaga has invented something called Polaroid Sunglasses but no one will tell me if the Polaroid picture itself emerges from the lenses or what, as the name promises. It sounds like something out of Back to the Future 2. (Celebitchy)

I have one of these 90s’era dolls sitting on my desk right now. (In addition to my Mulder and Scully dolls, of course.) You can probably guess which one. (Flavorwire)

– I’m with the folks at Vulture. I don’t WANT to, but I am totally going to be dancing around my living room to this Avril Lavigne single at some point in the next six months. Why fight it? Life is short. Start your secret dance party now. (Vulture)

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