Y’all, it seems Fabiola Beracasa is the Cornell — or perhaps Northern Iowa — of Fug Madness. Although she’s not alone: Several double-digit seeds are knocking off our top dogs; the Charo and Bjork brackets in particular have been decimated by Cinderella stories. Or should we call them Fugderellas? I would say Cindersmella, but that’s terrible, and also, sounds like the title of a Nick Teen movie.
Here are your upcoming matchups:
(4) BAI LING vs. (9) KIMBERLY WYATT – Friday, March 26
Semi-actual pop-star Wyatt booted actual wannabe pop star Leighton Meester — our top seed here in Bjorkville — by a 60/40 margin. We’re sure her run through the Fug Madness brackets does nothing to lessen the sting of her former bandmate Nicole Scherzinger getting to run through Dancing With The Stars’ competition on national television, but whatever. At least this way Kim only has to wear illusion netting if her heart tells her it’s right. And it probably will. She’ll face Fug Madness 2008 champion Bai Ling, who dispatched with Ke$ha — a.k.a. Lord of the Drunkfaces — by a 65/35 vote.
(7) JULIETTE LEWIS vs. (11) FABIOLA BERACASA – Thursday, March 25
Well, we guess Katy Perry can stop biting her nails now and focus on her wedding plans. She’s no longer a contender, thanks to the rampant fuggery of Juliette Lewis. You know, every year, Juliette does better than we expect her to, including snagging a full 67 percent of the vote against Perry. But is it enough to take down Fabiola? The socialite, if we’re even still bothering to use that term anymore, edged Pam Anderson with 53 percent of the vote, making it one of three nailbiters in Round 2. We’re sure Fabiola is deeply proud, probably would be amused that Jess and I now use her name when we want to tell each other something is fab/fabulous, and hopefully planning fantasgreat victory outfits to celebrate any future wins in this contest.
Cher, Charo, and Madonna winners are after the jump:
(1) LADY GAGA vs. (13) MILEY CYRUS – Thursday, March 25
So far, Gaga’s reign of terror continues; she knocked out Whitney Port with 71 percent of the vote. Miley has the honor — albeit dubious — of being in our closest clash of the round, edging Agyness Deyn with 52 percent of the vote.
(2) MISCHA BARTON v. (11) PHOEBE PRICE – Friday, March 26
Maggie Gyllenhaal was but a bump in the road for Mischa Barton, who took her down with 81 percent of the vote. Phoebe Price managed to crush Lindsay Lohan’s hopes of ever making it past the Sweet Sixteen, netting 60 percent of your votes.
(1) RIHANNA vs. (13) KATERINA GRAHAM – Thursday, March 25
Good ol’ RiRi knocked out Christina Hendricks with 82 percent of the vote. She’ll face the surprisingly strong Katerina Graham, who won out in another close contest from this round; Katerina’s 53 percent of the vote put a very narrow but still potent boot to the arse of Leona Lewis.
(7) SOLANGE v. (11) AUBREY O’DAY – Friday, March 26
This one was a surprise to me: A whopping 73 percent of you voted Solange past our formidable two seed Lily Allen. Last year’s champ Aubrey O’Day elbowed aside Jennifer Lopez with more than two-thirds of your votes, and we suspect J.Lo will not be pleased to hear it. At all.
(1) TAYLOR MOMSEN v. (5) COURTNEY LOVE – Friday, March 26
Either it’s Twilight mania coming to their girl’s defense, or we have been on the money about the depth of T.Mom’s fug: Taylor dispatched with Kristen Stewart by snagging 87 percent of the votes. She’ll square off against her parent-in-yikesitude, Courtney Love, who used a similar convincing margin to beat back Boobs with her Legslys. That seems like a matchup written in the stars: The Teacher versus the Student, in a sense.
(2) AMBER ROSE v. (6) MADONNA – Thursday, March 25
Madge staked a claim to her own bracket by elbowing aside The Sev with 71 percent of the vote. But can she take down The Catsuited One? Leigh Lezark couldn’t; she put up a fight, of course, but her 38 percent of the vote wasn’t enough, and so Amber Rose pushed on through to the Sweet Sixteen. Something tells me she’d very much enjoy being held up against Madonna in any context.