Aside from Nikki Reed and Joe Jonas, the other two main attendees at the London Twilight premiere were Ashley Greene — which makes sense — and Kelly Rowland, which does not, particularly, except inasmuch as she’s apparently trying to get invited to everything these days as a way of reminding everyone that Destiny’s Child had THREE members, thank you very much, and Beyonce did not make them successful ALONE. So let’s start with her:
Perhaps she’s benefiting from the fact that her random-ass brown corset and black bra is seared on my brain, but I don’t hate this as much as I should, considering it looks like someone forgot to finish her under-armor protective garment. But maybe that’s just because I am amused by the idea of her starring in a movie about a warrior girl pretending to be a boy so she can fight with the knights — times were sexist back then, see — but who has to be able to slip out of her armor and into a cocktail party at a moment’s notice. Imagine the hijinks as she runs back and forth over and over, between a meeting at the Round Table and one of Guinevere’s famous Tupperware salons.
Ashley Greene went with something a bit more basic:
Pretty! A bit crinkly, maybe; still, it’s shiny, and I like the tiny ruffle on the hem. But it doesn’t fit. I can totally imagine how that went, because I’ve done it a thousand times: You want it to be The One, and it’s the size that makes you feel better about yourself, and you like that your waist looks small and that it shows off your giant quadricep muscle (okay, that last bit has never happened to me…), so you tell yourself, “It doesn’t squish my boobs THAT much… really, this isn’t bad AT ALL, RIGHT?” And at this point, I imagine everyone around Ashley said, “Um, no, of course not,” and then just hoped her boobs would shrink a cup size overnight. Fortunately, Jessica would not do that to me. I guess the moral of this story is, Ashley needs a Jessica.