Okay, if death is not an option, then pick one of these outfits: First, Bar Refaeli.

It has lace, but lined, albeit sloppily and as if she has an intricate mosaic of armpit hair decorating her torso. It is a jumpsuit, as highlighted by her shiny ladyfriend. (Her Shiny Ladyfriend is the bodice-ripper I’m going to write someday, obviously.) It has pockets that, when utilized, give her hip knobs. And it appears to have a pretty amicable relationship with its cousin, Sailor Bellbottoms (the heroine of Her Shiny Ladyfriend). It is not a good outfit.

But if you were presented with that, or the following, and NO other choices, what would you do?

It has lace, on the skirt, with no lining. It doesn’t QUITE look like she has an intricate weave of crotch hair decorating her figure, but it’s close, and it gives you a window into what her actual crotch hair might be doing. It has a fairly nice bodice, if a lopsided one. And it is not a jumpsuit. But it is very pervy widow’s weeds. I seriously cannot decide which would aggrieve me more on my own body. Or which aggrieves me more on theirs. All I know is that I’m aggrieved. There is major aggrief here. I need some aggrief counseling. Give it to me. But first, make the tough choice. No wishy-washy third option. I am being FIRM this Friday.

On THEM...

  • I like the jumpsuit (27%, 2,738 Votes)
  • I like the dress (73%, 7,467 Votes)

Total Voters: 10,207

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  • I'd pick the jumpsuit (20%, 1,729 Votes)
  • I'd take the crotch curtain (80%, 6,963 Votes)

Total Voters: 8,692

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