Breaking into your regularly scheduled Emmys posting with big celebrity news that we know you guys will want to discuss right now, and are already talking about in the comments: Holy shit, Angelina and Brad broke up. (That link goes to TMZ — which broke the news, although it’s been confirmed to People, so you know it’s true. And it is absolutely 100% for real true.) Obviously, the Daily Mail has done a DEEP AND INTENSE accounting of all possible intel, as well, in case you need to be brought up to speed.
There is MUCH TO DISCUSS:
a) There have been Blind Items for weeks indicating that Brad may have stepped out on Angie with Marion Cotillard. JUST YESTERDAY, I said to Heather, “I cannot imagine Brad and Angelina will ever break up,” and she said, “I assume they’ll wait until the kids are older, if they do.” Well. WHAT DO WE KNOW?
b) The timing of this is masterful. Team Jolie waited until the Emmys were over, and the news leaked once every journalist in the United States was awake and, if not at her desk, about to be at her desk. Angelina has utterly positioned the story so that she is the noble and wronged party — per the gossip, Brad might have cheated; in their divorce proceedings, she’s saying he has an “anger problem,” substance abuse issues, and she didn’t like his parenting style. Whether any of this is true, of course, is wholly speculative — although Brad Pitt has been a pothead, at least, since God was a child. Time to drag out my Team Angelina tee shirt, if only because this is some JUICY ASS GOSSIP that’s using the media like a boss, and, let’s get real: I LIVE FOR THAT. (You know someone at Kitson is digging around the back of their storeroom looking for backstock of Team Angelina baseball tees right now.)
c) Somewhere in West Hollywood, Jennifer Aniston has thrown her cell phone in the pool and is on her laptop booking a flight to somewhere remote, where no one can reach her for comment. Nepal? Nepal’s good.
LET’S TALK IT OUT. Am I terrible for also thinking, “ooooh, who will date who next? Is Marion going to break up with whatshisname? Will Jennifer Aniston and Angelina form an Ex-Wives Club and OWN THIS TOWN and also maybe make a movie about this? WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?”
[Gif via GIPHY]