I guess Glamour has made the decision to turn all its summer covers into graffiti (Priyanka Chopra in June was the first). It looks a little silly, like someone has pinned up a poster to a bathroom stall wall and hung a white Sharpie next to it for people to doodle as they pleased, but Ashley herself looks nice. Well, facially, anyway. It’s the whole carefully-styled-to-look-understyled thing, and that aesthetic works on her, especially for a cover where it’s meant to look like she was frolicking on the beach. I’m going to need someone to explain to me that garment, though. While I love emphasizing her curves, there’s always this temptation to put voluptuous women in clothes that they appear to be busting out of, and this is no exception. Also, is she wearing a bra with a swimsuit, or a bikini under some kind of swimsuit-shaped sweater? What IS that? And who would wear it at the beach? It makes no sense on a practical OR an aesthetic level. But I can’t spare much brain space to ponder it because I’m too busy stressing out about the idea of anyone putting the words “Instagram” and “sex” together. DO NOT GIVE THE KIDS IDEAS. And sex tech? Don’t. I’m too old for your malarkey. Someone needs to make Malarkey, a magazine for people who Just Can’t Even Anymore.