Back when Jewel was trying to go a little more dance and a little less emo, she had a song called “Intuition” — notorious for only really being a success by virtue of sharing a name with a razor that used the tune in its ads — all about following your heart and your gut.

Regrettably, on this night her heart, her gut, and indeed all her other viscera were drunk and flipping the channels between a QVC hour on lingerie and a Discovery Channel special on Fu Manchu mustaches.