Good grief, Rachel. We weren’t sure we liked your bangs, but that doesn’t mean you needed to try and singe them off:

This is not the hair of a Hollywood actress. This is a crimped, refried mess, the likes of which you’d see on a lady named Bethlene with one missing front tooth, the ability to open a beer bottle with her crotch, a roadkill souffle that will make your taste buds faint, and a side business making origami diaphragms out of aluminum foil.

But she throws a killer toga party:

Honestly, the dress isn’t even that bad, I just can’t get over the fact that she skinned an otter and wore it as a hat.