The British Fashion Awards last night were full of poorly dressed people I had to look up on Wikipedia — well, with a few exceptions, like La Schiffer here. If we ever get to the point where somebody says to me, “Who the hell is Claudia Schiffer? Excuse me while I turn to Wikipedia,” then I will know I am ancient and will pull on my support hose and retire to the rocker on my porch, where I will dole out Werther’s to passing children and offer them a shiny quarter to tint my hair blue and pluck my mustache.

Rather than force you to read entry after entry of marginally accurate facts about marginally Wikipedia’d people, I figured I’d put a whole bunch of these lucky guests into one Slideshow of Semi-Random Fuggery and then let y’all talk up the various merits and demerits of the fashion in the comments. Starting with Schiff’s funky number here that occasionally looks like she’s shooting fire out of her uterus. I bet that comes in handy when she wants to make s’mores.