X-Factor Letter of Truth, Part I DON’T KNOW LEAVE ME ALONE.


Y’all, X-Files is on like 45 hours a week. I am at this set listening to these people caterwobble right in my face for, like, ever and I am seriously so tired, y’all, which is why it took me like a really, REALLY really really really really long time to give you an update on what it’s like for me to be The Blonde Paula Abdul which is what Simon wrote on my mirror in lipstick. Which is pretty unfair because I am not as long-winded as that crackpot is and also because I am taller. ANYWAY, I know y’all have already seen all my outfits for these ENDLESS ENDLESS auditions so I thought we could talk about my favorite thing in the world: my face.

 

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Comments (45):

  1. THE VIKTIMS
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    Last time we checked, Brit really couldn’t sing. The last time we checked was back in 1999. so it’s been a while. Just an interesting judge choice is all.

    http://viktima.blogspot.com/

  2. Carrie
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    I might have died laughing at the Mulder and Scully cameo. Nice to see those two crazy kids are still hanging around.

    • pinkcheese
      0

      I might have yelled out “Mulder and Scully! Yay!!” Luckily I’m in an office, and no one can hear me.

    • kz.
      0

      ME TOO! and then I got misty for the glory days of TWOP recaps. the action figures were the BEST.

      • Laura E.
        0

        The Action Figures! I didn’t realize how much I missed them until right now.

  3. Kit
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    Oh Britney. Never change.

    (Also, she looked amazingly good in some of these shots!)

    • Eliza Bennett
      0

      Yep. Her hair looks good in some (notably the less-curly or non-curly iterations), and her face is still-STILL-super cute. I can’t help loving her.

      • ak
        0

        So happy for Britney! She looks amazing – and even better, her HAIR looks amazing!

  4. Eli
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    I don’t understand why Demi Lovato looks like such a hot mess. I know, she has had problems. But seriously, she has decent raw material but she always hides it with awful hair, makeup, and clothes.

    • Jessica
      0

      I think she is trying to be “funky.” She IS kind of charmsville on the show at least.

  5. glee
    0

    Britney will have that cute face forever – it hasn’t changed in 15 years. I hope she doesn’t futz around with it a la Lohan.

    • Helen
      0

      “I hope she doesn’t futz around with it a la Lohan.” Oh, what a terrible thought. It never really occurred to me, because why would you fix what ain’t broke? But it’s true, an awful lot of public personalities do! I hope Spears never does that either. She’s adorable.

      And the Letters of Truth are just brilliant! I laughed so hard the cat gave me a Look.

  6. Jenn
    0

    All I can say is- THE MULDER AND SCULLY DOLLS!

    I have missed their sexually charged doll-bantering and hanging around on the shelf antics.

  7. bex
    0

    brit brit looks great and is surprisingly lucid on the show. such a good career move for her.

  8. sop
    0

    Aww, Brit! I unironically want good things for her. She looks nice in pretty much all these pics and I love her expressions. And her hair.

  9. S
    0

    Aw, Brit, I feel about her like she is an untrained puppy. She’s going to make a mess of things, but she’s so darn cute and winsome, you can’t help but love her. These screen captures are almost enough to make me watch that show.

  10. sop
    0

    Her hair looks fab and I love her expressions. i unironically want good things for her.

  11. ML
    0

    “WTFOMGBBQ” is my new fave Phrase That Pays.

  12. Carolina Girl
    0

    What is the point of Demi Lovato? I get why you would have LA Reid and Britney judging a talent contest, but Demi Lovato? Really? I guess it’s my age showing but is she really so talented that she can sit in judgement on others?

    On a positive note, it’s nice to see Britney looking so well. She’s well overdue for a career upswing.

  13. Andrew S.
    0

    I had no idea she blew & didn’t rehab her knee and *that’s* why she can’t dance anymore. It makes me sad but she could have a career without dancing if her people would stop putting her in dancing situations.

    • Jessica
      0

      She DEFINITELY blew her knee. The Not Rehabbing is my personal theory. But I think it holds up — that was right when she had her breakdown and I feel like she was not in a place to be rehabbing it, right? Like, there is no way she would be attacking a car with an umbrella and then going to PT for 3 hours. And it explains why she basically came back from The Dark Times suddenly not able to dance anymore.

      • Charlotte
        0

        That makes a lot of sense, and it also makes me really sad for her. I understand that she’s at a point in her career where she’ll probably never have to dance again, ever, if she doesn’t want to – but what if she wants to? She was such a talented dancer and it breaks my heart a little to think of her being physically unable to do something that may have once brought her joy.

        It also puts her recent appearance on Ellen into context, when she attempted to dance Gangnam Style as instructed by Psy. Gawker was really incredulous that she didn’t blow him out of the water, but if her knee’s gone that explains things.

  14. Gauthier
    0

    I’m sorry to say this, but are all you people BLIND? Britney does NOT look great, have you even looked at her eyes? Liner-caked pits of despair underneath a pair of obliterated eyebrows, I think they gave her that look so her the trauma-induced frozen frown she developed after the last couple of horrifying years isn’t too glaring. How can you possibly deny how miserable she looks? I have absolutely no hate for the girl, just a lot of pity. She is a show-horse that her handlers keep onstage so they can keep milking her iconic status while they hold hostage her right to see her kids so she has no choice but to perform. This girl isn’t going to last much longer, and every time people cheer at her and keep buying into this charade, it makes me hate this world a little more.

  15. Rebecca
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    Ha, I love this post, mostly because I made a Facebook status last week of ‘I live for Britney’s crazy faces on X-Factor’. I’m happily surprised by how entertaining she is on the show. I thought she’d try way too hard to be super sweet to everyone (like Demi is) but I love when she makes weird faces and tells people no. I’m sure a lot of it is editing, but it’s entertaining at least!

    I just wish whoever is doing her makeup would do a better job…it looked really good when she was in that red dress, but the rest of the time it looks kind of rough. Too much dark eye makeup and they need to make her brows look darker because they just disappear into her skin and it’s creepy looking. But she does still have that adorable face and this show is surprisingly make me really like her (I’ve never been a huge fan really).

  16. Tar Heel Gal
    0

    SQUEE!! Mulder & Scully action figures!!! Oh, man, how I miss those amazing recaps! Thank you, Jessica! (I have a set, too, found them for $10 a few years back at a big ole antique mall! But I lost Scully’s ittybitty cell phone :( ) Oh, yeah–Britt has some really bad extensions, y’all.

  17. Daffodil
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    This is the BEST Letter of Truth ever! I love love love it. So many funnies. It’s a Letter of Truth, y’all, not a Letter of Lies.

    But I am definitely going to start saying WTFOMGBBQ, like, all the time now. It is never not appropriate.

  18. lauren
    0

    This warmed my heart so hard.

    I wish only good things for Britney… and the fact that she is freely expressing herself and pulling the same WTF faces that everyone else at home is pulling gives me hope for her mental well-being (although I too get rage that she’s still being forced out into the world when she blatantly just wants to sit at home in her pjs, eating junk food and playing with her kids).

    Also, when she danced to Ice Ice Baby, it felt like such genuine joy on her part I nearly wept with relief.

    Yeah, I may have a LOT of emotions for Britney. I was a BIG fan and felt it hard when she broke down.

  19. Anu
    0

    This post – BEST.EVER.

  20. Amelia
    0

    WTFOMGBBQ is for real my new favorite phrase EVER. You are comic geniuses!

  21. LG
    0

    I’M SORRY, I CAN’T HEAR YOU OVER ALL THAT EYELINER!

    Brit. Mama. You are two days younger than me, but that eyeliner is making you look like my great aunt. Just say no to it.

  22. johnnycakes
    0

    Ok. I am sitting here at work trying to read these without laughing OUT LOUD and disturbing my co-workers! Funny! Funny! funny!

  23. TonyG
    0

    My favorite line:

    “Have some respect for these extensions, y’all.”

    • Helen
      0

      Heh. And those particular extensions deserve some respect! Whoever put in those mid-length pieces for her did a masterful job. It even looks good from the top of her head.

  24. ck76
    0

    Best ! Britney is my favourite part of X Factor y’all

  25. Monkey
    0

    THE MULDER AND THE SCULLY!!

  26. Vandalfan
    0

    I’m happy that she looks so good.

  27. Kim Douglas
    0

    I’m mostly indifferent to Brit-Brit, but this made me kind of love her. It’s a masterwork!

    Also I can’t get over Action-Figure Scully’s eensy little stacked heels, bless her.

  28. Sajorina
    0

    Come on, GFY Jessica, are you trying to kill me? I just laughed so hard at “WTFOMGBBQ” and Pic #8 that I almost chocked while tears ran down my cheeks! This post was awesome and seriously threatening to my health! Thank you for it, though! XOXOXO!!!

  29. Cynthia W
    0

    You know, I never really cared for her until after she went kind of crazy – then I felt sorry for her and now I kind of love her. But I agree with the person who said that they should just leave her alone and stop forcing her out to do stuff that she doesn’t want to do. I mean she got caught up in all this craziness in the first place because her parents basically wanted to get rich off of her when she was a little girl.

  30. Athenasprints
    0

    This. Was. Hilarious. When I first saw it was 34 pictures, I didn’t expect to look at them all. But I couldn’t look away! And I had to laugh discreetly because my family thinks I’m doing work on the computer:)

  31. Anne B
    0

    You had me at “caterwobble”.

  32. superjosh
    0

    @Anne B, agreed!!!!

    But they had me again and again… especially with “Sometimes I acknowledge Demi”.

  33. :paula
    0

    I’m going to sound like one of those people who sees Madonna’s face in a piece of toast, but… is she beginning to resemble Ellen Barkin?