I couldn’t hold out on you: This is the best picture from the pre-Wimbledon bash. Her outfit is tennis-ball-esque. It might even be made of actual tennis balls. SHE IS A GIANT TENNIS BALL. And I think her dress is held together up top by two whisks. It’s like Williams-Sonoma opened up an outpost inside Sport Chalet. Nobody can really follow this act, but there are at least some impressive sock tans, and Maria Sharapova looks like she hasn’t slept in two weeks. Come see.

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Comments (26):

  1. Joy

    I would like to point out that Sania also has sweatband tanlines around her wrist!

  2. k

    Sonia has a sock tan AND a wristband tan! Yay, tennis!

  3. k

    Ack. Sania, not Sonia. And sweatband, not wristband. Joy said it better.

  4. Sandra

    If Maria Sharapova’s legs belonged to me, I’d would always wear dresses that short. Since the sleeves want to be detached anyway, she should set them free. The color is to live for!

  5. Erika

    Andrea Petkovic’s shoes seem designed to hide the sock tan problem. Genius!

  6. Donna

    I have tan lines from wearing shorts and boots half way through winter and all through spring (I live in SoCal.) I recently tried to at home fake a bake with this stuff that promised an even, mistake free tan. I now have blotches of darkness all over my shins where the spray concentrated and natural skin color where the spray missed. I still think Sania’s sock and wristband tan lines are worse.

  7. Sajorina

    Apparently, Bethanie Mattek-Sands is also wearing a cornhusk tutu & matching hat crest! And, Tali Lennox thought Wimbledon was a Wicca Convention!

    By the way, I might need a Sunscreen Sprayer in my life, so can you please make that happen? Thank you, Heather!

  8. Molly

    This is GLORIOUS. I feel the need to go to a sporting goods store for a Project Runway-type challenge. I’m thinking a ball gown made to honor the badassery of the Bruins. Seriously, a fascinator made to look like Tim Thomas’ helmet? It’s genius.

  9. pinkcheese

    That first dress is BRILLIANT!! And Lennox Jr. is seriously lovely; I even like her outfit.

  10. Rayna

    Totally LOVING Petkovic’s dress, although I admit it is figure skating adjacent.

    Do NOT know how I feel about the shoes, but maybe @Erika has the right idea.

    And this “two, two, two dresses in one” – which I also think I’m loving – did we not see JMoore and maybe someone else try that look within the last year, but not quite so successfullly???

  11. LoriK

    How is it possible that this post included a comment about wackadoo shoes that did not refer to those things on Andrea Petkovic’s feet? What is going on with those?

  12. CeeCee

    OMG. I just spit out the corn flakes I am eating dry, out of the box, sitting here at work, waiting for the 5:00 bell to ring after reading “That makes sense, because, after all, sweet dreams ARE made of these”. AHAHHAHAHAHA. Perfect.

  13. Angela Gyetvan

    As the proud sporter of a tennis sock tan, I cheer for Sania (for her tan lines, not the dress, which is a hot mess). Am I the only one who’s spotted that, with the notable exceptions of Bethany and Pussy-Cat-Whoozit, everyone else looks like they’d really, really rather be wearing their tennis togs? Although those may BE Bethany’s tennis togs, now that I think about it.

  14. yeahandalso

    I LOVE Wimbledon! It is literally the only sporting event I care about!!!

    I got to work on a blister relief commercial Woz did back in March….mostly sat in the stands and watched her return balls somebody threw LOL

  15. vandalfan

    “Lei me down”!!!11! God, you gals SLAY me!

  16. witjunkie

    I guess we can see from the sock tans who’s been out practicing and who’s been out partying with Kimberly Wyatt, am I right?!

    Ivanovic is my favorite, though her absence of sock tan explains why she never gets past a certain point in the tournaments.

    Yeahandalso: SO DO I … I even spent an absurd amount of money last year (thanks, weak USD!) on the official Wimbledon towel. I lie down at the pool on the same exact kind of towel that Federer wiped his face with. That’s right. And it makes me so happy.

  17. Geemee

    I need more Bethanie in my life. None of the rest of these chicks know how to dress. Maria S. in particular just keep wasting that fantastic bod by putting it in cheap-looking clothes.

  18. ciara

    O shit, “Lei Me Down”. PLEASE open up this place and serve tropical cocktails with little umbrellas. That is hilarious. I actually laughed out loud at that.

    This entire post is brilliant and hilarious as well. That tennis ball dress is classic.

  19. marcia

    how is it possible to have the perfect body, which all of these women basically DO, and still not be able to dress it? I have been assigning my sartorial mishaps (which is different from “wardrobe malfunctions”) to the difficulties in dressing major muffin top, a fat ass, and flabby arms. Could it be that it’s taste and not weight-training that makes the difference?

  20. bravoerunway

    Literal interpretation at its finest! http://www.bravoerunway.com

  21. Rio

    Thank you so much for having a post on tennis players!!! I love tennis, and love your site – so this was perfect :)

  22. Bambi Anne Dear

    I’m all for whackadoo outfits with tongue firmly in cheek but that yellow ball number is atrocious. It makes her look like a fluorescent Sherman tank!

  23. UnwillingOkie

    What the bloody HELL was Sania Mirza wearing? It looked like she draped herself in leftover Danskin wraparound skirts from the 70′s and fastened them with one of those puckery quilt pieces my great-grandmother was always making. That was seriously the ugliest dress I’ve ever seen in my life. The sock tan wasn’t even a distraction from the horror of that getup. Wow.

  24. Faye

    I covet Ana Ivanovic’s shoes with a deep, burning desire (although not with that dress).

  25. CranAppleSnapple

    Who knew tennis balls make you look fat? I guess I never thought it would come up.

  26. BlueJayWay

    I’ve wanted you ladies to do a tennis post for SO long! Yay!