What the Fug: Jena Malone


This party was called The For Love & Lemons Annual SKIVVIES Bash.

Jena Malone

NOT EVERYTHING HAS TO BE TAKEN LITERALLY. I realize these are made BY the company, but… from what I can tell, the only other people on the red carpet who decided to go in this direction were people I’ve never heard of, and then the girl who was Coco Rocha’s contestant in her season of The Face (I feel like Coco would be like, “Girl, my whole career is about how you can make a statement without going down Skivvy Boulevard”). And then Christa B. Allen, who wore this:

But that’s actually a pretty base, with lamentably low lining (seriously, if you’re going to do the visible bra thing, wouldn’t you at least pick a CUTE one?). Oh, JENA. You were fun in Catching Fire, and now, that’s what I hope happens to your outfit.

[Photo: Getty]

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Comments (40):

  1.  jerkygirl
    +17

    It’s sad when you look better as a bloodied-up contestant in a gladiator game show than you do in real life. Yes please let that outfit, and Christa’s, catch fire and never be seen again.

  2. Kate
    +11

    As a beach swimsuit coverup, maybe. As fodder for the beach bonfire, definitely.

  3.  MissElaineous
    +40

    Can we get the Prince, “Um, No” slide inserted here somewhere, please?

  4. Jenz
    +2

    There was another picture out there where Jena was either on stage or something and had removed the dress. SO. Well… it’s pretty, in a boudoir sort of way.

    • Meggiemoo
      +10

      See, I think it looks cheap and terribly unsexy, especially as a boudoir piece.

      • Bottle Ginger
        +5

        She looks like a young girl who is playfully trying on her momma’s sexy nightie!

        I do hope she wasn’t trying to look sexy, because she’s not succeeding.

  5.  HelenBackAgain
    +19

    This is the point in the movie where I charm (a.k.a. “annoy”) my companion, or startle the cat if I’m alone, by saying aloud: “OH COME ON.” That isn’t even pretty as a négligée!

    As for Christa, I am… I am wagging my finger vociferously! And will have a coffee now in the hope that it may awaken me from these sad, sad blights on my field of vision, proving them naught but a dream.

    •  HelenBackAgain
      +24

      Also, I still really really hate blonde hair on Jena Malone, and this worst-of-the-’80s cut isn’t helping. May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the armpits of the hairdresser who agreed to do this!

      • GigiNYC
        +4

        Yes, the blond hair is really not becoming on her. She’s already rather pale, so with the blond hair, she fades into the wallpaper. She’d look a lot better as a brunette.

        • ET
          +17

          That was my first thought…… she needs to back to her natural hair color. She looks like a junkie as a blonde.

      • ohsohappy
        +6

        Lol. That hair is atrocious! I mean, really, really bad. :/

      • LT
        +8

        Speaking of camels. That cross-legged pose makes this getup even more embarrassing.

        • luxsword
          +2

          If her legs were not crossed but apart, would it really be any better ?

  6.  Linda_AZ
    +6

    WHYYYYYYYYY?????????

  7. GigiNYC
    +8

    I don’t really get Jena Malone. She’s only 29 years old but I feel like she’s been around for twice that long. She’s one of those actresses I always forget exists and then when she does pop up on screen, I invariably think, “Huh, it’s that girl from Donnie Darko.” As for the dress, it’s a cute nightgown but not a legit dress. Perhaps if she had worn a slip under it?

  8.  Mair Mair
    +4

    And look at that sheepish smile on Jena. She knows it.

    • Heather
      +5

      She took off the overlay to DJ at the party.

      • Art Eclectic
        +3

        She might as well. Even her skivvies were more attractive than that hideous overlay. Not even a proper lining would have saved that mess.

  9. jjdaddyo
    +5

    C’mon, Christa! If you’re going to go all too-much-undergarment-information on us, at least spring for some La Perla.
    And Jena’s outfit should be the picture under the “cry for attention / cry for help” entry on Wikipedia.

  10. Mimi
    +2

    A new line of communion dresses? For adults?

    • Art Eclectic
      +1

      Put out by Fredericks of Hollywood. Just wait until you see the ones with nipple cut outs.

  11. Ashley
    +10

    I just went back through Jena’s archive, trying to figure out why she chaps my hide so much. Obviously this photo isn’t helping her case — the dress is glorified mosquito netting, and her hair, as my dad would say, looks like a dog’s been sucking on it.

  12.  kickassmomnyc
    +5

    Both fugly, but Jena’s is worse than Christa’s because there’s so much more of it.
    Jena Malone has some of the worst taste in celebrityland, consistently tragic.

  13. Stefanie
    +5

    At least it isn’t black? I have no idea. WORDS.

  14. michael ulin edwards
    +13

    This dress violates three rules of dressing:
    One, Do not wear something where the immediate question is, What the hell is going on?
    Two, Do not leave home wearing something that suggests you forgot to wearing something else.
    Three, This combination would be better in beige so everyone could guess you’re trying to camouflage yourself.

  15. Brooke
    +11

    I can not express how tired I am with sheer. Please stop. Please, please, stop. It seems to me that it has turned into the cop out of designing which is sad because some of the sheers are beautiful.

  16. luxsword
    +5

    Enough with the underwear ! UNDERwear. Sigh.

  17. Margaritaville
    +3

    No. Just no.

  18.  Looly
    +2

    Jena’s head is veering toward Pennsyltucky (OITNB) territory….what has she done to herself?

  19.  Sharon
    +1

    When you look at the large version of the first picture, that young woman’s smile looks very pointy in all directions… is this perhaps the smile one wears when one is feeling “stabby”…?????????

  20. One of the Claires
    +12

    This is what a child bride in a polygamist porno would look like.

    •  HelenBackAgain
      +1

      Oh my God, I am so glad I came back to see what else got posted later. Hah! Beautiful. I’d like to take a tour and see what else is rattling around in your noggin!

  21. Gypsy Danger
    +1

    I bet this is what happened:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZjQFj0vUrY

  22. Laura
    +3

    I know a girl who’s an intern for this company and she wore a longsleeved + fully lined (sleeves unlined) version of Christa’s dress and it looked SO much cuter than this mess

  23. Melissa
    +1

    Seriously. Being in public in this is literally the stuff of most people’s nightmares.

  24.  lacondesainvierno
    +1

    Also: the shoes.

  25. Vendredi
    0

    OH, sweetie. Are you a sister-wife who forgot to get dressed after the manage de tois?

  26. jolietom
    0

    DON’T LOOK AT THE CAMEL TOE!!!