Well Played, Marie Claire…Mostly

I think, by now, you all know how I feel about Jessica Simpson and her apparent physical inability to close her mouth.  So this cover, in which we see no space at all between her teeth and her lower lip is A VICTORY! How long did it take Marie Claire to finagle this? I suspect days. Regardless: a round of applause! As you can see from the cover, they claim she’s wearing no makeup and they’ve done no retouching and I know people find this hard to believe, but I don’t doubt it, particularly — I don’t think she really NEEDS much retouching to begin with, honestly. Sure, she’s got mildly dead eyes — Tyra would be APPALLED — but I attribute that to how hard she probably had to work to keep her mouth shut-ish. The girl’s tired. Essentially: HOT DAMN how much better does J Simp look without makeup than after having submitted herself to whoever is usually responsible for painting her? Apparently, she should NEVER wear makeup. EVER. She looks about 20 years younger here than she usually does — so, her actual age — and about 100 times prettier. I feel so proud, and so should whoever talked her into this.

PS: Isn’t it very easy to know if your bad-guy is tweeting about you? Just read his Twitter. DUH.