GQ's The Gentlemen's Ball - Red Carpet

ASHTON KUTCHER: We are SO HAPPY TOGETHER! No marital problems at all! OUR BODY LANGUAGE IS NOT AT ALL AWKWARD!

DEMI MOORE: Ashton, let go of my wrist. We look all weird and Cruise-Holmesian.

ASHTON: That’s FINE WITH ME, PRECIOUS BRIDE!

GQ's The Gentlemen's Ball - Red Carpet

DEMI: Yeah. Like that’s better. At least I look super hot.

ASHTON: Super hot! NEVER WOULD I STRAY, SWEET WIFE.

DEMI: Whatever. If you REALLY loved me, you’d do something about that hair. You look like you tripped and fell into 1992.

ASHTON: I actually had this hair in 1992! Those were good times. I had just started high school  — HA! Can you believe I was 14 when you were married to Bruce? — and — 

DEMI: Guess what? YOU’RE NOT HELPING. And there’s something else you should never do again:

GQ's The Gentlemen's Ball - Inside

ASHTON: But, baby, that’s Chris Brown! He’s –

DEMI: There is no end to that sentence that will help your cause.