“Are you kidding? Look at me! I look fantastic! I’m young, I’m free! This leather is fun! The shoes are awesome! I’m feeling as tremendous as I look! In fact, I’m GLAD I didn’t get any stinking Oscar nod! Now I can RELAX, and eat carbs, and stop worrying that the chick on my show who was also in Cutting Edge 8 or whatever is going to put Ex-Lax in my kombucha, or that I only got nominated in the first place because anytime George casts an ingenue she gets a hug from the Academy! See also “Kendrick, Anna,” who didn’t win AND hasn’t done anything that good since then, and yes, I’m including 50/50 in that! And Twilight! How do you like them apples?!? So really, this is a THANK YOU. NOT nominating me means you AREN’T just playing along with The Clooney Effect and therefore somehow means that The Secret Life of the American Academy Voter is that you love me, you really LOVE me. Right? So HAVE FUN, NOBBS LADY. ENJOY THE GLENN CLOSE EFFECT, SUCKER. I’ll be at the bar getting five extra olives in my martini. And gee, NO, that’s NOT my kombucha randomly placed under your seat, so drink up.”