This dress is pretty, the shoes are great, the lipstick is on point (I cannot say “on fleek” — I believe it’s actually illegal for a crone such as I to use that phrase). It’s all very upstanding and upscale.

But George, why the smug look? I see you, sir. I see you on that red carpet, moments away from passed apps and some free Champagne, while we’re having more dumb ad problems. And the tech people are on it, and trying really hard, and that’s great, and I’m not trying to blame anyone for this, but IF YOU WOULD JUST SHOW UP TO WORK MAYBE THIS COULD HAVE BEEN AVOIDED. Just for that, I am going to eat ALL the snacks we bought you for Christmas.

[Photo: Getty]