Well Played, GOOP


well-played

The title of Gwyneth’s new cookbook – It’s All Good: Delicious, Easy Recipes That Will Make You Look Good and Feel Great – is problematic. Aside from the repetition of “good,” which is just a personal bugaboo, what if I cook all that food and I don’t look good or feel great? What if I make everything in there and still hate my face? Oh, Gwyneth. Don’t promise the moon and then give us a cheese platter. A cheese platter on its own merits is plenty.

But one thing Gwyneth totally excels at is a partial aura of regularness. I say partial, because you never ever actually forget that she’s Gwyneth freaking Paltrow. But look at her: She’s not wearing a ton of makeup and her hair is artfully normal and casual, enough to make you think, “Hey, she’s just like me,” even though she is Gwyneth Paltrow and she can spend a bajillion dollars on things like makeup that doesn’t look like makeup, and experimental facials, and exotic horse-spleen moisurizers, and whatnot. And her outfit is JUST relaxed and comfortable and normal enough that you might think, “She’s totally not super fancy,” until she does another GOOP closet sale and you realize that, no matter what it is, 90 percent of what she wears (and accessorizes with) costs a sum total of AT LEAST $3,000 if not more. And also, she talks a lot about how she doesn’t eat carbs or other delicious things, but it’s easy to forget that because THOSE LEGS, maybe if I just do some lunges… Basically, I admire about Gwyneth that for all the poshness that’s inherent in her life and in her GOOP mailings, she often does a great job making you think that being her isn’t really THAT much work, and you could do it, too, and hey, here’s an idea, it might help if you bought her cookbook.

Speaking of:

All the aforementioned stuff, she has applied to the cover of this book. It’s JUST tousled and simple enough to distract you from how much work it probably took to look that tousled and simple. For the record, I once made a GOOP gnocchi recipe that was terrible, but I heard her first cookbook is actually quite good, and although I’ve never made anything out of it, I DID spent a good fifteen minutes doing dramatic readings from the text — she and her family love an iceberg wedge, I’ve learned — and it was big fun. You  know, in these respects, is Gwyneth so different than Tyra Banks? T started out modeling, then acting, then she had a reality show, then a brief stab at singing (who could forget Shake Ya Body?), then a talk show, then she tried writing a young adult book. Gwyneth was an actress, then she tried sing-acting (Duets), then she went back to acting-acting, then she did MORE sing-acting, and then she became a lifestyle guru and had a reality show with Mario Batali, and then she Glee‘d it up and Cee Lo Green’d it up at the Grammys, and now she’s back to being Mother Health. I feel like the next step for both of them is to unite for a multi-cam sitcom. Please? Let’s try and name it in the comments.

[Photos: WENN]

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Comments (92):

  1. Jessica
    +1

    I HAVE made stuff from her first cookbook and it is totally good. Truth.

    • mary lou bethune
      0

      The chocolate pudding is fast and great.
      Do you ever hear if the celebs read your wonderful blog?

  2. Nancy
    0

    Really? You like this? I was thinking that I used to find her beautiful, but she has a shiny burnt face, ratty hair, and an outfit that looks like it could go over a bathing suit. The woman needs make-up! She looks like an ordinary mom going to Barmes and Noble. I would never even recognizr ner. Why would I shell out good money to eat food,that makes my skin look like that?

    • Heather
      +1

      I think she looks totally fine. If she’d shown up in Oscars hair and makeup people would have been like, ‘OKAY, MISS FANCY, sheesh.’

      • erin
        +1

        She is who I picture when I read Princess Daisy. She can be very glam or very regular, and even though I can get eye-rolly when I read GOOP it’s still a lot of fun.

        • Monkey
          0

          Aaaaahhhh brb going to download Princess Daisy on my Kindle. That book taught me SO MUCH in high school.

    • Lee Lanza
      0

      I think she dresses way young for her age also.

  3. Other Emily
    0

    She is very beautiful. But for all the very expensive skincare products she extols, she seems to have forgotten sunscreen. Maybe it’s not natural enough? I dunno, but she does look a touch burnt here (which I always do in the summer, but I’m not rich, famous, or plugging a book on how everyone else can look like me). Anyway, I do like her dress and she does at least look like a normal person, which is refreshing. I’m not buying her book, though.

  4. Goldfish
    0

    “An ordinary mom going to Barnes and Noble” should not in anyway be used as a put-down, actually. GOOP should be so lucky.

  5. Jen S 2.0
    0

    America’s Next Top GOOPal.

    I think her hair looks a mess both on the book and in the photo. I also want to know why she wears shooves so often. If you have legs like that, perhaps you should not slice them off so stumpily.

    • Heather
      0

      I feel like it’s all brilliant marketing. She needs/wants to seem less untouchably perfectly GWYNETH.

  6. Sherri Erwin
    0

    GWENtiTY

  7. Goldfish
    0

    I like “Gadunk-a-Goop”

  8. Suzie
    0

    “Tbone and Goopie”

  9. ErinE
    +1

    She always looks gorgeous – and you nailed it with the fake attainable good.

    I can’t get behind the Gwenny-Tyra reality show, because I’m holding out for a reality show featuring double dates on the yacht with GP, Chris Martin, Jay-Z, and Beyonce. Favorite celebrity couples combine!

  10. daphne
    0

    Please fug the cover of this month’s SELF! I got mine and stared at it for almost a full minute thinking “who IS that?!” – even after reading the cover line about “Gwyneth’s Great Body Secrets.”

    • Aphy
      0

      Goop’s great body secret: money. Lots and lots of money.

      • Morris
        0

        Indeed. Why release a book, enjoy your wealth and leave us alone. We like fries and bread and mayonnaise, deal with it. She’s way too smug for me. And I love the dress but hate the shoes, why do we need to see toes when they’re encased in boots??

  11. Scully
    0

    ErinE, what if the double dating show you dream of added a segment where they periodically set Tyra up with someone and went on a triple date. Can you imagine watching Beyonce and GP in matchmaker mode?

  12. Brenna
    0

    Her first cookbook really is great. I’ve never made a dud out of that.

    And I want that dress badly. And her legs, but I don’t think she’s giving those up so easily. She should annoy me, but I love her.

    • One of the Leahs
      0

      Brenna, when I first read your comment, I read it as “I want to dress badly.” I thought Gee, that’s not hard. I do it all the time! :)

  13. TonyG
    0

    Who, What, Gwyn and Smize?!

    (the last symbol should be the actual interrobang, which I have no idea how to create on my computer)

  14. Tracy Ann Robinson
    0

    I find it completely hilarious that when I clicked on the home page to read this article, the ad was for McDonalds and there was a ginormous Big Mac in the background. Is that some okind of “smart ad” stuff going on or what? If so, well played, indeed.

  15. MollySC
    0

    Can it PLEASE be called “The G&T Hour: Fabulous Realness.” ?

  16. BrownEyedBetty
    0

    I have to say, I’ve never been annoyed by GP. I usually enjoy her movies, I admire how she takes care of herself and seems to makes her kids her priority. And her first cookbook is a winner: it’s family-friendly, has some great ideas for making meals more healthy and the thumbprint cookie is fabulous and tasty. I can’t come up with a new reality show title since the ones above are already great. But I do want her legs.

  17. Joemama
    0

    “Tyra the Smize and Gwenny the Wise”?
    I have come around to Gwynneth. I like that she’s not all like, “I stay slim just by running after my kids.” or “What this old thing?” She lives a privileged life, but seems down-to-earth and appreciative of it all. And she tells it like it is…”looking like a movie star takes a boatload of money and time. But if you have both, here’s what I’ve found to be helpful…” And she looks pretty good here. Casually put together.

  18. Jen
    0

    GoopTY TV. A lifestyle makeover show where you learn to smize while getting your experimental facial!

  19. RG
    0

    “Ebony & Ivory” but as an adorkable twist, Gwyneth would be the one named “Ebony;” and Tyra, “Ivory.”

  20. Gillian
    +1

    Title:”G&T on the Rocks”
    Premise: A half hour multi-cam sitcom about a scrappy Model Agent and her Party Planning roommate re-building their lives in the hustle and bustle of the big city.
    Tagline: “Life threw them a curve ball; fate threw them together”

  21. Chantry
    +1

    Maybe “Smize and Shine!” They are morning show co-hosts who happen to live together and don’t know when the morning show is over and real life begins. Hilarity ensues!

  22. Goldfish
    0

    I love to hate her. Choice Paltrow Quote:

    “I am who I am. I can’t pretend to be somebody who makes $25,000 a year.”

    Ugh, she’s an abomination.

    • Joemama
      0

      That’s pretty much why I like her. Tell it like it is Gwinny!

      • Goldfish
        0

        I was making about $25,000 a year when she put that little gem out, so that’s where my love affair with GOOP began. Let them eat cake. Vegan cake, though. Because that’s one of the things that make her better than well, everybody else. I also read an article today, in fact, that said going by the cookbook would cost you about $300 a day in food costs.

        That really adds up if you make $25,000 a year, so thank god she’s rich and proud. She’s had some fairly nasty things to say about the mentally ill also. Because if they tried, like her, they wouldn’t be ill. I hate to be all super-serious and take the fun out of fug, I just really dislike seeing the Fish Stick praised (Kathy Griffin, also not a fan, calls her the Fish Stick).

    • Fiona
      0

      I don’t really understand getting offended about this. Where did she say that it’s *bad* to earn $25,000 a year? She was born wealthy, she’s made herself wealthy AND she married into wealth – why should she lie?

      • Goldfish
        0

        Try it this way: “I am what I am. I’m not going to act like I’m some working class poor person.” The point is, she didn’t need to say it. But that’s GOOP: Let them eat cake.

        But that’s how she is — you like her, I loathe her, neither one of us are alone in our opinion.

    • Miss Louise
      0

      I agree – smug abomination.

  23. glee
    0

    Goop – the circle of life.

    In a sense, GP has really done that – gone from a very likeable young actress who dated the very young Brad Pitt, to an annoying Anne Hathaway-alike, back to making likeable movies and trying to seem normal. I never ceased enjoying her, and loved her micro-mini wardrobe (THOSE LEGS!) during the promo tours for Iron Mans. So looking forwad to how short she’ll go this time.

    • mary lou bethune
      0

      Ya’ll- What is wrong with Anne Hathaway? She is dignified, lovely, talented and she tries to be nice. What is the prob? The way she handled that maggot Matt Lauer is enough for me.
      Gwyn is fine. I love her receipts and she is devoted to her family. She once said that anytime a famous person does anything with enthusiasm and sincerity they get hammered. That is what happens to her and to Anne.

      • lindsay
        0

        I agree. I like Anne and Gwyneth!

      • Goldfish
        0

        But if you do something obnoxious or insensitive with enthusiasm and sincerity, you deserve the hammering.

        I do say put her and Hathaway on a desert island. We’d all sleep better for it.

      • Imani
        0

        I’ve always wondered what’s the root of the Anne hate as well but I don’t watch tv much. I don’t see interviews unless it’s with Stewart/Colbert and I haven’t watched the Oscars since LOTR so…

        I like her in (some) films which is enough for me.

  24. Sarah
    0

    It might be a little late, but did GFY ever do her recent SELF magazine cover? I thought the dress was actually pretty cute, but even my boyfriend, which come on boys dont’ notice much, was like what did they do to her face? There was a very strong Photoshop influence.

  25. Wendy
    0

    “Gwyn and Barrett,” in which she’s a burgeoning health guru/cookbook writer whose recently divorced sister moves back in with her. Said sister (“Barrett”) has gained a ton of weight in her unhappy marriage, and bristles at the healthful encouragements of Gwyn. Hijinks ensue.

  26. Yates
    0

    I have a confession: I already pre-ordered the new cookbook AND shelled out an extra few bucks so it would come personally autographed by Gwynnie. I can’t hide this feeling anymore: I am a fan of all things GOOP.

  27. Daenerys
    0

    Heather- I would pay good money to hear your dramatic reading of that cookbook.

  28. moiraeknitto
    0

    GooT! (“goo-tea” or maybe like “gut!”) – Simple Antioxidants and Booty Shakin’ Smizing for Your Everyday Life and Style.

  29. Mongerel
    0

    multi-Scam

  30. jenelope
    0

    I think it should be a reality show about Gwyneth and Tyra traveling the US in a piece of crap car. Call it “The GOOPTy.”

  31. Jai
    0

    ‘…she often does a great job making you think that being her isn’t really THAT much work’. When it comes to Goop, that thought has most definitely never entered my head.

  32. Helen
    0

    I think she looks terrible. Hair and makeup a wreck, ill-fitting dress that looks like one of those things you stare at for a while and a picture emerges, and please won’t a Sassy Gay Friend EVER tell her that she really needs to wear things that cover her knees? I would, though it wouldn’t be so much for her good as the good of my eyes.

  33. Tara
    0

    I just want to put them both in a Golden Girls like sitcom with Dame Maggie Smith and Dame Judi Dench, with lots of caftans and singing “Miami is Nice” around the piano, because I would watch the crap out of that.

    • Sandra
      0

      But it would only last for half an episode. Dame Maggie and Dame Judi would eat the younger generation for breakfast and there’d be nothing left to do. Okay, maybe they would toy with them until lunchtime, but seriously, it would be a short series.

      Gwyneth Pretentious bugs the hell of out me if I bother to think about her. No matter who you are and how much money you do or don’t make, smugness will make me dislike you. Also, she’s not that great an actress. She specializes in snotty, self-important, fake-English roles and that really doesn’t counting as acting when it’s who you are in real life.

  34. Rachel
    0

    I’ve made stuff from her first book and it was all delicious! Plus, it’s just a good read.
    And OBVIOUSLY their sitcom would be “View from a Top Model”

  35. foo
    0

    I really like that dress, but am not a fan of those shoes.

    I kinda like her for the fact she tries to seem so approachable in her suggestions but fails so utterly when you figure out how much it will actually cost you. It is like she has no idea how pretentious she comes across at times. It is entertaining. She’s not a bad actress, either. I really liked her in Proof and The Royal Tenenbaums.

    On the show, how about GOOBanks? It can be set at an ATM where Tyra teaches you to Smize as you extract huge amounts of cash to finance GOOP suggested items. Then it morphs into a trading places kind of things where GP tries on Tyra’s jumpsuits and wigs, and Tyra writes a blog on how to emulate her lifestyle in all caps. (I’ve never watched Tyra’s show, but get the impression of all caps) COLON CLEANSING: IT’S THE FRESH RINSE OF BEL-AIR!

  36. PB
    0

    This sums up GOOP’s “cook”book better than I ever could. http://jezebel.com/5990212/gwyneth-paltrow-releasing-new-ingredient+free-cookbook Basically, GOOP’s “cook”book should be called “I Hate Food and I’d Like You to Hate it Too.”

  37. Steef
    0

    I made the chicken and brown rice soup stew from her one pan meals newsletter. It is actually awesome (although she uses a half-a-chicken, and I used a bunch of thighs. Dark meat. mmmmm). Thanks gp.

  38. filmcricket
    0

    The good: her smile, and those legs. And the fact that she apparently doesn’t botox outside of awards season. The bad: almost everything else. Her hair looks ratty and her face looks windburnt, I don’t like the dress and I loathe the hooves. I really don’t see the point of her trying to look ‘relatable’ since everyone knows she’s not.

  39. Vandalfan
    0

    She always seemed pleasant, likeable, and approachable to me. I find that more appealing than KStew’s or RMara’s haughty aloofness.

    • Helen
      0

      Well, this IS the same woman who said: “I am who I am. I can’t pretend to be somebody who makes $25,000 a year.”

      And: “I would rather die than let my kid eat Cup-a-Soup.”

      And: “When you go to Paris and your concierge sends you to some restaurant because they get a kickback, it’s like, ‘No. Where should I really be? Where is the great bar with organic wine? Where do I get a bikini wax in Paris?’”

      Among other gems. This is how she normally talks.

      • ChristieLea
        0

        I can’t EVEN with her. She DOES think it’s easy to life her lifestyle…what she complete fails to “get” is that most people lack a team of household staff, a nine-figure bank account, and a career in an industry which will happily let you devote hours a day fitness and beauty regimes.

        Her self-satisfied smirk ruins everything she puts on, IMO.

      • Guerra
        0

        I don’t see a problem with those things! I also would not like to have my kids eat cup o soup & would also want to know what restaurant to eat at Paris & no one in a first world country should know how it is to survive on 25,000 a year. That’s horrible!!

  40. Donna
    0

    I just made her salmon with soy and balsamic recipe from GOOP, and the fish-eaters in my house LOVED it. I don’t eat fish, but I made it anyway, because, just like Gwynnie, I’m selfless and completely unaware of it!

  41. Rachel
    0

    SMOOP! A proper combination of Smize and Goop, of course!

  42. MegoPachego
    0

    “Goopra”: it reminds me of Goombas but also gives off that regalesque Oprah vibe.

  43. Elle
    0

    “Really? You like this?” Oh thank heaven! God bless you, Nancy!

  44. kimberly
    +1

    “How Tyra Got Her GOOP Back”: When Tyra loses her man and her reality show in one fell swoop, in swoops self-appointed life coach Gwyneth to help her get her GOOP back. Each week, poor Tyra is forced to try a trendy new diet, hobby, exercise regime, cleanse, vacation spot, or makeover, with hilarious results.

  45. kd
    0

    she has an adam’s apple?

  46. clarke
    0

    Goop-n-Smize

  47. Wade
    0

    Separate Entrances, Same Exit.

  48. sassy lashes
    0

    good goop

  49. Chasmosaur
    0

    She’s still wearing hooves on her feet. I didn’t get them when they were hot, and I don’t get them now. They are supremely unflattering.

    But I agree with whoever posted above – she needs a little more makeup. I’m not saying she has to go Oscar glam, but she is being photographed. A little more powder wouldn’t have killed her.

    Also – great legs. We all know you have great legs, Gwynnie. You can still show them off in slightly longer hemlines. This could at least pass a bend-over test, but with the long sleeves of the dress and the length of her legs, it just doesn’t look right to me.

  50. Melly
    0

    She dresses OK, but I’m always distracted by her hair (which looks overprocessed to me) and her complexion. I think she goes in the sun. I think she’s an exceptional actress but the whole rest of her schtick, the books, the style, the attitude, I can do without.

  51. Sajorina
    0

    I’ve never read her blog, I never saw her show with Mario Batali, and I didn’t know she wrote cookbooks! But, DAMN IT, I love her and this outfit!

  52. SPJava
    0

    Does Gwennie EVER mention that one reason, probably a huge factor, that she has her good looks is her genes. Have you seen Blythe Danner!? Whether we’re talking 40 years ago (check out her loveliness in the film 1776) or today in those unfortunate “break a leg” commercials she is and has always been a stunner. Fab face & figure and she can effortlessly act her progeny off the stage or screen with one hand tied behind her graceful back.

    Say thank you, GOOP, say thank you.