VMAs Fug Carpet: Jessica Szohr


Oh my god, you guys, I just CAN NOT:

I want to stab you in the arm with a plastic fork, Jessica Szhor. What is even happening here? That is a Spanx-brand body slimmer you just bought for $49.99 at Macy’s and it is supposed to go UNDER ANOTHER DRESS.  I can only surmise that your headscarf is designed to HOLD YOUR BRAIN IN .

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Comments (30):

  1. Jill
    0

    Well, half of it is under other clothes at least…..

    As for the headband, I have no words.

  2. labyrinthine
    0

    FUG SHOES FUG SHOES.

  3. katkin74
    0

    I feel you on this. I CAN. NOT. UNDERSTAND. THIS. GIRL. She looks like Axl Rose if he were Tanning Mom and in a lingerie commercial at the beach, on break. W. T. F. doesn’t even cover her. She CLEARLY needs a stylist because whatever she wears is so freakin’ random and whacked that it looks like she just f’ing with us now. Even cracked out nicki Minaj has a method. This girl just looks like she rolled out of bed after a bender, and threw on whatever, in the dark. Always. So, apparently I CAN because I just did.

  4. Liz
    0

    If all else fails she’s a shoe-in for the Real Housewives of New Jersey!

    • Pamb
      0

      I was just coming here to say that she looks exactly like Teresa, but with less makeup and rhinestones!

  5. Kat
    0

    AMEN, espcially to the part about holding her brain in! And Liz, you are definitely right, she is definitely wearing Eau de NJ Housewife… and it’s not a good thing. Ugh.

    • Kat
      0

      And I got a little over zealous with my use of the word ‘definitely.’ I’m sorry, she’s clearly giving me an aneurysm.

  6. Art Eclectic
    0

    Did Brett Michaels get a gender change?

  7. qwertygirl
    0

    Snow boots in September? She’s jumping the gun a little.

  8. Jer
    0

    “OF COURSE Teresa Giudice would go to the VMAs to promote her cookbook and stay a fame step ahead of the other housewives.” – My initial reaction to this photo.

  9. Jamie
    0

    I realize she’s probably not exactly knee deep in designer loaners right now, but could she really not just go into… Wet Seal, or whatever, and find a skanky tight black dress to wear? Was there a need to resort to wearing a $19 black polyester skirt over spanx?

  10. Willow
    0

    Why is nobody talking about her tanline and the fact it looks like a postcard of a Miami sunset?

  11. Katie Lynn
    0

    I originally read the sentence as ‘stab her arm plastic with a fork’ until I actually READ it, but decided the first glance read was also accurate. She looks like some five-year old’s Barbie doll that they dressed to look glamorous. Even the hair looks like it’s been dragged through the dirt and dunked in a toilet once or twice.

    • Kat
      0

      Hahaha, “dragged through the dirt and dunked in the toilet.”
      Now, I think her hair looks a little better than that, but the memories that that sentence gave me, in regard to what I used to do to my barbies… ahhhh.

  12. schadenfreudelicious
    0

    i am pretty sure when that headband comes off the hair goes with it……:)

  13. Marion
    0

    She must have thought “Fine I’ll take 4 random thing from my closet and I’ll look avant garde”!!

  14. Lulu
    0

    She looks just like Theresa Giudice – who, I’d like to remind everyone – is 40 freaking years old. Ugh.

  15. Maisie
    0

    I think I know were my galoshes went. . . .

  16. bonsaroonie
    0

    1990 called – Naomi Campbell wants her outfit back!

  17. vandalfan
    0

    Headscarf designed to hold in her brain? TOO LATE!

  18. Helen
    0

    I know what happened! A friend came over while she was getting dressed and about to wash her face to do her makeup (hence the headband), so she quickly threw on totally random skirt and shoes to answer the door.

    Then she never finished face or clothing because said friend brought a magnum of champagne, and said, halfway through it, “Never mind, just go like that. You look great.”

    Maybe not so much a friend as a frenemy!

  19. Bambi Anne Dear
    0

    Oh dear. I like this look.

  20. Lily1214
    0

    Okay . . . who is this?

  21. Kim
    0

    what the hell happened here? I’m afraid.

  22. Aria
    0

    wow, well, um, hmm… [desperately trying to look for a silver lining/nice thing to say]… that looks like her natural hair instead of those ratty extensions she sported for a while… that’s the only thing good I can come up with about the particular look.