“YEAH, I’M IN SWEATS; I DON’T NEED TO TRY HARD. ‘CAUSE IN CASE YOU DIDN’T KNOW, I’M THE VIDEO VANGUARD — MUSIC’S POET LAUREATE WHO COULD OUT-VERSE THE BARD. SO I DON’T NEED TO DRESS UP OR TRUSS UP OR PRIMP UP. I DON’T EVEN BOTHER TO DO MY DAMN SHOES UP; THERE’S MORE KNOTS TIED ON MY WIFE AND OUR NEW PUP. BUT MY CINQUAINS ARE LYRICAL; MY PENTAMETER’S IAMBIC; MY SKULL-BONNET’S SONNETS ARE LIKE A COPPERFIELD MAGIC TRICK. SO DON’T LIKE MY CLOTHES? YOU’RE ALLOWED TO I SUPPOSE BUT BOW TO MY RHYMES.  … AND THAT WAS A HAIKU, SO BOO HOO, I POEM’D YOU. SO I WIN EVEN WHEN MY WIFE WEARS A DRESS THE COLOR OF ASPARAGUS URINE, BUT I’M NOT GOING TO RHYME ABOUT IT EVEN THOUGH MY BRAIN IS WHIRRIN’. DAMMIT I DID IT ANYWAY. EVEN MY ACCIDENTS ARE ART.

[PHOTO: GETTY]