Unfug It Up: Bai Ling


Bai Ling is trying really hard. Like, REALLY hard. You almost never see her in Ed Hardy bra tops and tiny frayed denim skirts any more, which I personally think is a tragedy — it’s like she’s keeping her panda sprite in a bottle in the sofa of her psyche, or whatever — but which clearly is important to her in an effort to be taken seriously as a person who understands what it means to get dressed.

Here is her latest effort, and despite the title of this post, I’m not completely mad at it:

I appreciate the attempt here. I do. She almost looks like she’s trying to be a Disney princess — maybe there’s a job open on a cruise line and she’s gunning for a few free trips to St. Croix. And It’s always nice to see someone trying to work canary yellow, because that’s a hue that strikes fear into most people’s hearts, although again — maybe she just heard that cats eat canaries and she was looking for a rough-and-tumble good time. With all the different forces at work within Bai, it’s impossible to say. But all in all, whatever the reason, she’s trying to work it without being 90 percent naked and I appreciate that.

But here’s the thing: I’m pretty sure that dress doesn’t fit.

See how the bodice is gaping? Kind of like people used to, in Bai’s direction, when she’d wear dresses SO backless that her boobs escaped from the side?

I just want to hike it up and clamp it in the back. This makes me wonder if the illusion panel between the two cups here was INTENDED as part of the dress, or if it was a late addition to… I don’t even know. Hold them up? It looks a bit shabby and pointless.

And say what you will about our girl Bai, but she is neither shabby NOT pointless (no, not even with her limited resume — just think of the joy her mutiple personalities have brought us here). I’d probably be content with a proper dress fitting here that might negate the need for that chintzy-looking piece of flesh netting (and maybe with about five pounds less makeup), but with all the skirt layers there’s plenty of other options for making this dress hang better — or even just for making it more quintessentially Bai. Take your figurative pinking shears to it: What would you alter? And would you want to keep it classy, or take it back to Bai 1.0?

The usual commenting rules apply. Enjoy!

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Comments (185):

  1. charley

    i think we need to forget this is even bai for a moment…
    if you we that dress on another person, fitting like that, we would shout FUG straight away!!

    the illusion netting, the pointless and ugly belt, the greasy hair with 27 thousand clips in it, the alien fringe….

    i know this is bai, and it’s kind of an improvement in that she isn’t naked.
    but its also kind of boring now shes just ordinary fug and not up to her old antics anymore.

  2. tbruns

    First off with the train and then make it knee length, tighten the back and push up the girls and then find some killer Bai shoes. revive the band-aids and there you go…Bai 2.0

  3. Erin

    I would make the bodice more fitting definitely, and then cut the skirt into a mini. Bai needs to be free from the fabrics of the world!!

  4. Dragon

    I would fit the top, lose the netting and trim the skirt by two feet to turn it into a cute a-line cocktail number. The color would even work better then. Oh yes…and I would scrape off a bit of the spackling…but then, somehow, we would lose the bai-ness of it all.

  5. simple me

    No matter who this is, it’s Fug. No. Girl. No. Why even ask?

  6. Alyxherself

    It’s too big :( and as a woman with sizing issues I can deal with that, but someone needed to alter this and it would have been pretty fierce.

    Also…is it…leather? cause if so some hardware in place of the netting would have been kinda cutthroat too. All that being said only if you have the chutzpa to wear this “whole lotta look” as she surely does.

  7. Liza Jane

    It’s just plain hideous. I don’t think it can be saved. Take it back to trashy Bai!

  8. Anonymous

    Lose the belt, refit the bodice so it stops sagging, make it cocktail length, and get rid of the horizontal seam across the hips.

  9. Sonya

    Why do her bangs start so far back on her head? It’s like the could just as easily be swept back into her ponytail?
    The dress does not fit, period. It is super fug.

  10. Maggie

    It just needed to be tailored. I actually really like this dress, it’s a great color on her. On a different note, did you SEE her on Chelsea Lately? She is NUTS. SHE THINKS SHE IS FROM THE MOON. AND SHE MAKES NO SENSE. SO. AWESOME.

  11. Kate

    Man, that dress is stump-city. In that second picture, it looks like she slowly melting into a pool of yellow. I can think of a few things to do to that dress, but all of them result in… a completely different dress, unlike this dress in so many ways. Maybe that was the way to go in the first place?

  12. Emmy

    I like the belt! And I love the colour. If it fit properly and were cut to a mini, I’d be a fan. And I don’t even worship at the altar of the Bai as do some visitors of this site.

  13. susanne

    cut the bodice off at the seam and add formal shorts!

  14. cherry

    Her bangs look like Charlie Chaplin’s mustache. Seriously. Look at it from afar. That’s all I can see. And it’s WEIRDING me out.

  15. annika

    if the bodice fit it’d be rad. belle ling! and better hair would help, but I guess the length it’s at there’s not a lot she can do with it.

    ALTERNATIVELY just remove the entire skirt and replace it with silver fishnets.

  16. G

    I would make the bodice a proper fit and ditch the brooch gem thing. It is pointless. Lose the belt and make that a band in a complimentary colour. I also agree with making it a cocktail length. I would like to see her in a softer hairstyles as well.

  17. annika

    or silver fishnets UNDER formal shorts. I am willing to work with susanne on this issue.

  18. Sarah

    Re-fit the bodice and then we’ll see. Oh, and wash the hair. And wash the face. Ick.

    @Maggie – she was indeed HILARIOUS on Chelsea Lately!!

  19. Christy

    The rhinestone..err..diamonds (?) on the side look like they will either pull down the dress or they are slowly overtaking her body like something from a Stephen King movie….ew.

  20. Liz

    Hmm. Well, I certainly don’t want her running around in some of the weird get ups she’s made herself a spectacle with. But at the same time, I don’t want her to be totally normal, either. If this dress fit just a tiny bit better, it would be great. Who else could realistically think of wearing that color?

  21. Jen - The Alien Spouse

    Oh Bai! If you don’t want to get a stylist, fine; but please look into finding a local tailor.

    Love the colour on our girl, but that is about it. The bodice clearly needs to be a touch tighter, and less wedding dressy. That would help a lot, but it still needs a shorter skirt (I like Dragon’s idea of a cocktail A-line)and the belt would be more fun in a bold contrasting colour.

    I also cannot understand why her armpit appears to be sweating crystal flowers. Is this a new personality trait we should investigate further?

  22. Jewell

    Get the frock fitted.

    Fix / remove make-up. It’s aging her horribly.

    Wait a minute – she’s 43 years old?!?!?

    Oh, Bai… Now the Violent Femmes are wailing “Bai, bai, bai bai” as if her name is actually the chorus in “Please Do Not Go”

  23. Kate

    The weight of this dress is too much for her tiny frame. I think something (that fits) in a more summery fabric would help a lot.

  24. Cecily

    Clearly too big and too much fabric. Yank it up, pull it in, lose the train and the netting, make it FIT. Even Pretty color, though, but her hair looks greasy.

  25. Mellie

    This eye-assaulting atrocity should be burned. Nothing can fix it. Her boobs look lopsided, and her hair is just awesomely awful. Speaking of lopsided boobs, your post yesterday on Heather Graham made me laugh so hard I got in trouble at work. Thank you! =D

  26. lucas

    Am I the only one who thinks she looks really unhappy in these pictures? Maybe the hippopotamus spirit stepped on the panda. Or maybe she’s just wistfully thinking about all the things she could have shoplifted but never did.

    If I were her friend, I would have her over, break out the bamboo-flavored vodka and the pruning shears, and go shot-for-shot while we randomly slice open the dress and LET THE BAI FREE! (I know the night would end at about 8:37 the next morning when I groggily stagger off the couch only to find her staging fairy courthouse dramas with the leftover shot glasses in my bathtub while making karate noises. I would make that sacrifice.)

    I mean, seriously, I’d rather have a happy and inappropriate Bai than a passable but weepy one.

  27. Karen

    There’s a lot going on here. Cinch up/hoist up the bodice, lose the brooch/pin/sparkly thing, ditch the illusion netting (which with proper tailoring of aforementioned bodice, will not be needed), leave the waist cape behind at home (that line along her waist where that is attached just looks weird. Kind of like tp hanging out the top of her skirt) and maybe we’ll have something.

  28. Megan P

    Tighter, shorter, and with more Band Aids.

  29. Kitty

    The dress is dumb. Although if it fit maybe they it would be a step up for our Bai. Let’s discuss her crunchy bangs and those hairclips. Homegirl is clearly doing her own hair.

  30. Sadie

    Lose the the sleeves, the skirt wings, the netting, the rhinestone shoulder jumble, and the nasty hair; trade in the drop waist for a natural waist; tighten the bodice; and make it cocktail length. Add killer shoes and some bracelets.

    Gorgeous color though… plenty of fabric in the skirt to start over… let’s do that.

  31. Jael Paris

    The color is beautiful, and I like the brooch. If she got a size that fit, she’d still need to shorten it so it doesn’t stumpify her. Lose the belt too. I hope she’s wearing sassy hot pink shoes.

  32. hotpants(TM)

    I would like the dress on someone else, but only if it fit properly.

  33. Aurora

    Ok, forget the tacky netting and the fact that the dress is two sizes too large (so unlike Bai,I usually expect two sizes too small), her make up is just ghastly. Too much tan, too much eye make up and her blush could have been applied with a trowel from what I can see. Perhaps if we took pinking shears to the whole dress and started over? Got to have the belt, otherwise she’s going to walk right out of that dress with one forward step.

  34. redshoeson

    I really think the dress was designed to seem like a “unique” fit; however, it does not work. Bai looks like she wandered into her mother’s closet during playtime and forgot to change for this event. While I love the brooch, the rest of it needs to tighten up – go down a size, Bai!

  35. Kate

    I’d just fit the top and remove the bejeweled frog clamped to her armpit. So Belle-made-with-duct-tape!

  36. Michelle

    The dress is bad – but the HAIR!!! Not good. Really, really not good.

  37. Jill

    At the VERY least – lose that stupid belt. And the hair – even gymnasts take those barettes out when they’re not in competition.

  38. lauren

    I once went to an after-after party where dear Bai was working a pole as hard as she could. The very sad thing was that there was nary a hetero guy to be found in the very big fancy house. Her lack of self-awareness is deeply depressing.

  39. Michelle

    To be honest, the dress is the least of her problems. She needs to do something about those bangs, because they’re horrendous.

  40. TaraMisu

    Nothing will save this and I am appalled at the ewwwwwwy hair.

  41. victoria

    (1) The hair is too severe and ages her.
    (2) The make up is WAY too severe and also adds about 5 decades to her actual age.
    (3) Even if the bodice were to fit her properly, it’s just too much dress for such a petite woman. She looks like she’s drowning in stiff, heavy, canary-yellow drapes.

    Bail Ling here reminds me of the ill-fitting pink Ralph Lauren dress that Gwyneth Paltrow wore when she accepted the Oscar for Shakespear in Love: a big, brightly colored, loose bodiced dress falling off a bony bosom.

  42. palesunflower

    If I was trying to TRULY “unfug” this, I basically agree with TBruns. Make it knee-length, lose the sleeves, the netting, and alter the bodice so it FITS.

    I’m not going to touch the hair for fear it might crack right off her head.

    Now, if I was trying to make this more Bai-esque, I would still lose the sleeves, the netting, and alter the bodice so it fits, but add PURPLE FORMAL HOT-PANTS (you KNOW she owns them!) in place of the skirt, revive the Band-Aids of Truth, and add killer heels.

  43. Jenn

    I don’t think it’s all that bad. I’m not a fan of the hair, but other than needing a smaller dress or better tailoring, it’s kind of pretty.

  44. Heather

    @Victoria: Any suggestions for what to fix about the dress? Remember, that’s why the comments are here. Thanks!

    – GFY Heather

  45. Embee

    Lose the belt, lose the broach, trim the sleeves and train, pull in the bodice…and bathe.

  46. Lindsay

    I think we’re all missing the elephant in the room here – the problem isn’t the sheer panel behind the cups, it’s the cups IN FRONT of the panel. I suggest chopping those babies off altogether, thereby allowing the the sheer panel to BECOME the top. Then strategically redistribute some of the items from the rhinestone agglomeration for “coverage” on top. Crop the skirt to crotch level, throw on some thigh-high pleather boots, maybe a cape, maybe not, and voila!

  47. Edith

    To make it truly Bai? Lose the skirt altogether – cut it off around 4 inches (too modest?) below the hand on her hip – and stitch the netting in a haphazard fashion somewhere on the hem.

  48. Deb

    EWWWW, those bangs start on the crown of her head. She needs a fugly crown that matches her pin that Paris Hilton would have left at a party to put on that nogging.
    Scrape off that tub of makeup on her mug too.
    The dress, chop it off, tighten it up, or find something else.

  49. poltergasm

    why does she have a spangly animal clinging to her breast?

    is it one of her spirit sprites?

    thats all i can really see.

    were it not there i would say ditch the hair, ditch the train, ditch the belt, ditch the illusion netting, hem it @least a foot after ditching the train &, so help me, take it in a size—-but not w/ the terrified frog o’rhinestones hoping [hopping] not to fall from its minimal [moderate] height.

  50. autumnpearl

    This is Bai we’re talking about.

    First of all, the netting must go. When has our Bai ever been modest?

    Then she needs to take her scissors to it, starting at the waterwings, moving onto the tulle, then snipping the whole thing off at the belt. She can use the illusion netting to form a pair of hotpants and we’re back to the Bai we know and love.

  51. Rachel

    I miss the old Bai who would end the dress at the horizontal line where the bodice meets the bottom of the dress. Though I do appreciate the fact that she isn’t flashing her naughty bits for all to see.

  52. maria

    Get rid of the belt, make the top fit (though it’s nice to see somebody wearing something to big instead of too small for a change), and make the bodice more graceful instead of like two lemon rinds hinged together at her sternum.

    None of which would make it more Bai, but would make it classier.

  53. Elaine

    I didn’t know that people over the age of 10 wore those snappy barrettes… She should at least get the sparkly ones, or ones with little plastic butterflies on them. It’s kind of tragic to see Bai like this, trying to look serious. The poor thing needs to get a real stylist if she wants to look real. And OMG, while she’s at it she needs a new agent. WTF were they thinking, putting her on Chelsea Lately? I was fascinated by it, watching her bring that la-la-land mentality of hers to a table of quick-witted folk. Although it was a real treat for me to watch, she was out of her league and it had a “watching a train wreck” quality to it.

  54. Maria

    ok so here’e what we do: remove the sleeve thingies, make it fit right, and make the bottom a knee-length pencil skirt. keep the little brooch. there, still bright and flashy, but now flattering and just a touch classy.

  55. MsAnnie

    1.) No. it doesn’t fit.
    2.) the color is awesome
    3.) unfocus your eyes and imagine a more tailored bodice with a standard sweetheart neckline (or any other neck line – anything but that horrid off-the-shoulder/illusion netting travesty) keep the belt and a pencil skirt to the knee
    4.) Put it on Kate Walsh with a fantastic pair of red patent peep toe Loubs and I’m in.

  56. Lee

    The saddest thing (well, one extremely sad thing, at least) about Bai is that I think she would be truly stunning if she pulled it together. She has such a striking face and a hot bod. But she appears to have never been photographed looking any better than “slightly less insane than usual.” Which was approximately twice in 5 or so years. The closest encounter with her potential hotness is the polka dot evening gown from June 2007. Though not tragic, she still looked a little madcap and she doesn’t do irony well. A trip through her archives also reveals that she has had these awful bangs for wayyyyyy too long now. I’m worried that her hairline is receding, and that’s why they start so far back now. At any rate, she makes me nervous.

  57. Elaine

    Oh yeah, the dress: forgot about that. It’s sized for tall, so needs to be re-proportioned for her. Shorten the bodice, shorten the skirt. Might be able to actually pull this off with proper sizing so it doesn’t fall off her. Relocate the crystal sweat because that’s what’s pulling the bodice off her right breast. Take the crystal thingy apart, make necklace and earrings with it. Can’t decide about the belt but I do know it could only work in that matching fabric. This dress might make an interesting sheath, coming to just above the knee. Gotta lose some or all of the sleeve fabric.

    Yeah, that’s it – make it a sheath, keep the belt, lose the crystals and sleeves. She rocks the color.

  58. Mary

    She looks like she’s about 18 inches tall. Wearing a dress that is many sizes too large. Scary on many levels. But that’s our Bai!

  59. anon

    go down a size! hee, it feels good to be able to say that about a celebrity instead of yesterdays ‘you’re cutting off your circulation – size up’. Or maybe have a cookie or two. Love the color, I even like the shape of the bodice. It’s just too big for her. And she needs to learn how to walk/pose with a full skirted train – it’s a lot more fabric than our Bai is used to.

  60. testington

    I’m kind of baffled by the first pic too much to have an opinion. Where are her legs exactly? How is she standing? Is it the angle or is she somehow actually a foot shorter than usual? Is she just wearing flats?

  61. Lily

    Lindsay – your suggestions are perfect! Bring back the Bai we love!

    The other alternatives would be putting the dress on someone taller with a fuller figure; or get it tailored to fit Bai’s tiny bod, wash all that gunk out of her hair and off her face, and make her back up with softer hair and minimal makeup. She could be quite stunning.

    Finally – what, no crazy necklace to play off that neckline?

  62. Sarah

    Remove the shoulder pin, hike it up so the bust fits her, make it tea length (even with the fussy skirt, it would work on her in a shorter length), and add a lovely purple open-toe pump. Wash her hair, add some earrings and a gold necklace, and we’ve got a spicy outfit for our little Ling.

  63. Jaime

    Oh dear Bai. Please stick to what you know. And what you know isn’t faux-psuedo-ladylike dresses. I miss the old you.

  64. Molly

    1) remove the sleeves and the belt
    2) pencil skirt the bottom (maybe 1 inch above the knee)
    3) cut out the netting and twist the sweetheart neckline slightly (a la the sleeves) and secure with the sparkletastic pin
    4) purple peep toe loubs and maybe an enormous cocktail ring

    done and done.

  65. Red Rider

    The dress color is fab. If she had more meat on her bones the fit wouldn’t be an issue. But the hair? Ick. Ew. Wash it, cut it, style it. A pony tail with a dozen clips and greasy bangs say “You’ll be so blinded by my yellow awesomeness you’ll never notice I haven’t washed my hair in two weeks.”


  66. belachelijk

    this can’t be saved.

  67. Sam

    See how there seems to be a sleek streamlined skirt in the middle, but with two layers of unnecessary poof on either side? Yeah, keep the former, ditch the latter. Also, get rid of that awful, bisecting hip seam. Next, I’d brush off the crumbs from that swarovski encrusted doughnut she was eating, cut away the illusion netting, and those awful sleeve things, take the bodice in three sizes, make the make up less severe and ugly, remove the barrette things–what? does she do her own hair and make up? AWESOME!–and then let her hair down.

    Now that I’ve completely dismantled that down to it’s most basic–and boring–form, I’d like to say this: GO BUY A NEW DRESS THAT DOESN’T SUCK.

  68. amalo

    Fix the hair.

    Fit the bodice.

    Most important: don’t overreach. It’s Bai Ling! It’s a miracle there are only 2 egregious problems here. Let the minor tweaking rest.

  69. punxxi

    make it a pleated micro mini, with the pleats starting right under the boobage line, cut straight across on the chest with matching yellow satin doc martins.

  70. Gimmy

    I’m thinking take the whole skirt off and the sleeves, add maybe a see-through miniskirt, and add some crazy stripper shoes. For only then will she BE BAI LING.
    And that is important. We need her crazy karma. I like it when you come across someone in life who is genuinely insane but not in a homicidal way. It kind of makes me have faith in the human race, though I can’t say why.

  71. rlr260

    I would pull up the bodice and fit it properly. That would eliminate the need for the netting. I’m not crazy about the sleeves, they look kind of cumbersome, but strapless would look kind of boring, like too many gowns we see in Hollywood all the time. Definitely get rid of the crystal embellishment on the right.

    Lose the belt. Lose the train. A nice straight skirt with a minimal flare at the bottom would work, but I like the idea of a cocktail length, too. Getting rid of all that extra skirt material would allow for a cleaner line, and eliminate the need for that horizontal seam across her hips. There’s just way too much material for such a petite woman.

    I would like to see her in a softer hairstyle. The bangs and ponytail style have been going on too long.

  72. Anna B

    Others basically said it all: fit the upper part better, cut the skirt, get rid of the super-fugly fringe and 2/3 of the make-up!

    Actually now I’ve realised that Bai MUST wear short skirts. Or pants, of course… Otherwise she looks like a midget. (No offense to the really vertically-challenged ones, it’s not their fault!)

  73. Saturn

    Why am I getting a decidedly Dorfy vibe from this look? It’s like she’s been cut off at the knees.

  74. Emily

    Is it me or in the close up of Bai, does she look, like REALLY old?

  75. Jezebel

    That dress is too big to be altered. But if she started a few sizes smaller (I’m guessing four), got rid of the train, the drop waist, and the belt, then shortened the skirt . . . Oh, what am I saying? She just needs a different dress, preferably one that fits.

  76. Anne B

    There is exactly one way to unfug this look.

    Corner Bai. Drag her into the ladies’ room; once there, get the name and address of the very tall 8-year-old with whom she traded outfits at a Princess Party.

    Do whatever it takes to SWITCH THOSE OUTFITS BACK … including letting the impossibly tall, unaccountably busty 8-year-old (now dressed as Belle, of course) walk the red carpet.

    Bai, returned to her original outfit (Naughty Airline Hostess from Botox Air), will feel more like herself, minus all of that … what is it? Crepe paper?

    Maybe the 8-year-old will even let her keep the barrettes.

  77. Beth

    I love the sleeves and the color, and I’d love the bodice if it fit better and didn’t have such a steep plunge (though if it fit better, this might not be an issue).

    The bottom half, though… I don’t know. There’s something about it that strikes a wrong note. It may just be the angles of the photos, but the way the train wraps around what seems to be the “real” skirt makes her look short and oddly proportioned. It either needs to be removed, or brought around all the way and lengthened (or shortened) so that it doesn’t look like the designer couldn’t decide between a ball gown and a tea dress.

  78. Melissa

    Elaine I think you are right! If the entire dress was shrunk to about 80% of its original size I think I can see it working without needing to get out the scissors. We can’t see what shoes she’s wearing though so doing that might only reveal another problem.

  79. garota

    no no no no no no no no no no no no
    omg no
    this could not be fixed even by the fairy godmother

  80. Mrs O

    Wow, that’s a bad look. If it were three sizes smaller… maybe. :)

  81. Renny

    That skirt is too long, the train is as bit unfortunate, she needs to get rid of it. Then, you’re right, that top needs to be cinched in so it actually fits her body. Then she can get rid of that stupid netting and whatever that creature is that has attached itself to where her right breast would be, you know, if it fit.

  82. Victoria

    I love the color, but for the love of all things holy, why can’t Bai wear something that fits? And what is up with her hair? It’s disgusting. If the dress fit and was less princess costume-y and Bai’s hair was changed, I think it would look decent.

  83. Ducki

    Overall, she needs to be a foot taller to wear it. It looks like she’s on her knees in this picture.

    Also, holy close up, Batman, I had no idea she was SO OLD!!! I never used to be horrified by her nekkidness before because costume nekkidness makes headline and I’m not one to hold a grudge against a fame-seeker. But now that I know she’s Grandma Moses’ Great Aunt Bai, I’m sad for her that she was SO recently SO naked. And that makes her bygone antics less funny.

    Kudos on the clothing upgrade, Bai. Your grandchildren are surely smiling in their college dorms.

  84. Jessica

    Tighten the bodice and get rid of the saddlebags/ side trains. The sparkly pin thing is stupid, and so is the netting. But I like the color on her.

  85. Cause you can't comment on polls, I'll comment here

    Hey guys…what happened to your polls? They used to be extremely witty in their execution and were my favorite part of this site. Now they’re just very straightforward and not very interesting.

  86. Tracy

    Nevermind the dress – her hair needs a good washing and brushing!

  87. lex

    god yes, the hair is definitely the worst part. it’s like a salute to the slicked-back gel-induced ponytails of the late 90′s

  88. Mouse

    Hmm. Not bad, Bai, not bad. But (and there’s always a ‘but’ with poor Bai)…

    Here’s my take. I actually like the idea of the bodice, with the belt. If you chopped off the side panel hoo-ha on the skirt so it was more of a straight column and short enough (I guess she could go tea length as another poster suggested, but it’s Bai, so even if it hit the floor all the way around there’s no way she could ever look like a girl with Never A Bride syndrome) so you could maybe see some shoes, and then fitted the bodice, did away with the Modesty Panel, and then…wait for it…changed the color of the whole thing to a flame-shaded orange! Now that look, our girl could rock. With some killer heels? Can I get an amen?

  89. Cynth

    Lose the sleeves, fit the bodice, take away the belt – all those things make her look like she is playing dress up (childish, un-pixie-spirit way). Also, remove the extra drapery panels happening down there on the skirt front. Or, leave the drapery panels, remove the underskirt, and add Bedazzled boyshorts.

    Her close-up makes her look ill – is she burning at all 16 ends? In which case, I would add a nice feng-shui bamboo flute hairpiece. And fierce red shoes.

  90. Janet

    Hmm, this one is very interesting. I think what’s dragging the side down is her jewels. Overall, it looks (1) way too large, and (2) a wee bit tailored for my taste, for Bai.

    1. Go down a size. (when was the last time you heard that on this site?!) At least in the bodice; the waist seems to fit fine. And then we can get rid of that awful illusion netting.

    2. Get rid of the belt and drop waist, and have the lines go straight down.

    3. Love the jeweled flowers. It *might* be really cool to have them as a skinny belt of jeweled flowers, loosely around her waist, know what I mean? Perk it up a bit, and this is Bai, after all, we need some quirkiness.

    Wish I could figure out the hemline and see her shoes. I think the hem is supposed to be at an angle? So higher and then in levels to lower? Which might work, but she has to show her leg in that case.

    At first, I thought the netting was a chain or something similar holding the dress together. Now that might be cool, made of jeweled flowers. Or maybe that idea just got me banned from this site for the worst fug idea ever. Such is the price of genius.

  91. amy r

    If a few small things were changed(the size and length) this dress would be amazing. As much as I love the crazy, wild Bai, a classy version would also be nice.

  92. Goblin

    I thought she looked great in that first picture, but she does have too much makeup on. The weird fit is, I believe, part of the funky design of the dress.

  93. KiKi

    Well…it could be worse.

  94. Chaser

    Red Rider nailed this one for me–the suggests are the right fix–and some deep purple shoes (pumps in my mind) is a brilliant stroke . This canary yellow is a great color on the right lady, but this is a lot of look and Bai is just too small for all this fabric and all this color. I might even leave the belt alone if we got rid of the yucky overdone skirt and went with a pencil skirt.

    For those of us who are actually really old in life: Bai does not look old. Period.

  95. Alida

    It looks like it belonged to her older sister who is also bigger than her. The color is actually cool on her but she looks all around uncomfortable.

  96. Proper Bostonian

    Thank god you showed the close-up of those flowers by her armpit. I think I need to get my eyes checked, but I swear it looked like the head of a boa constrictor in the first photo! Aside from that, she gets props from me for just wearing more fabric than a stripper for a change.

  97. Medicated

    Forget the neck down. Why does she always wear her hair like an Olympic gymnast?

  98. Marriot

    Oh, can no one see that this is a desperate cry for help? Get the woman some fairy wands or 100-proof goldschlager or SOMETHING. I dispute the claim that this dress is better than Bai naked.
    And then… fit the top, turn the bottom into a Rosemary Clooney-1950′s style, and I third the motion for some clash-eggplant purple Louboutins!

  99. Natalie K.

    She looks like she was plopped down into it from an assembly line hook, like an Asian Polly Pocket doll with the rubber dress that sort of fits (oops – let’s not give her any ideas!). I think she can work the color (not everyone can), but she needs to size it down once or twice and hoik it up. The figure skating illusion netting would then be unnecessary.

  100. Kathy

    Fit the bodice, shorten the train, and lose whatever that thing is that is about to eat her armpit. However, do all that and she is no longer Bai.

  101. catherine

    Alter it so that it actually fits her, and take away the train- that is just too much heavy material for such a tiny girl. Also, maybe bring the sleeves(?) closer together.

  102. kat

    Get rid of the chinzy broach atrocity on the side and I think the dress wouldn’t sag on that side, the netting is ridiculous but over all I like the dress.

  103. afroceltic

    I have so much Bai Bai love for this! Why? Because it is Bai with a twist-not quite fug, not quite good. She’s most likely her own stylist,if she could get someone to tamp her down,HARD,she could have been like,okay or at least,better than she usually is-or as she herself might say-”I feel like I am dipped in sunshine lemonade canary! My petals, there for all to see-I am as a holy flower,see my many hearts twirl in the dance of light! Lord Krishna has given me a perm,my panda bangs roar at you! Check out my twins!”

  104. Alex

    no, no, no.
    The only thing that can be saved in the dress is the canary yellow. Use a different fabric – nothing shiny on a simple, well fitted dress.
    Different hair, perhaps even a different person – like Samantha Stevens – and presto:

  105. Kathleen F.

    The dress itself is not bad at all, save for a few detailing issues–the main problem is getting it to fit. So first thing is going to have to be getting that bodice to a tailor, stat. After that, I’d say lose the stupid belt and whatever monstrosity it is that seems to be devouring her right breast. Plus, if you replaced the random drapes of fabric vaguely around the shoulder area with actual sleeves, that might do a fair bit to help the boobs-falling-out problem even without a perfect fit in the bodice.

    The bangs are insane, but this is Bai, so at least one part of the whole deal has to be insane.

  106. stephanie c

    I can’t get past all of the “I’m a gymnast who even though I wear my hair in a ponytail all the time can’t, for whatever reason, figure out that I need to grow it longer for it to fit in said ponytail” clips to address the dress…

  107. melissa s

    I’m so sick of the stick bangs I can’t think about the outfit.

  108. marcia

    I can’t believe the GFY girls didn’t even mention the stumpification….

  109. LadySatan

    First off – can we not organize some kind of intervention regarding this woman’s hair?? Can she not go to one of the 5 zillion hairstylists on the planet and have it washed, cut and styled so that it flatters? That fringe looks like she swiped a roof shingle off someone’s house and clipped it to her forehead with some of those cheap dollar store clips she wears.

    On to the dress. I actually don’t hate it but it needs work. I think the tacky illusion netting is there to keep the bodice from sagging off to one side under the weight of that weird jeweled thing (it makes me think of a tarantula for some reason). And the dress is just too damn big. I think if it fit properly it might actually be flattering on Bai as the colour is something she (and probably only she) can carry off. It’s a nice tribute to the madly fugly Bai we all know and love (and miss damn it!).

  110. Ling

    Leave everything – all of it – as is! My warped sense of style loves it!

    Maybe add some boob tape. BUT THAT’S IT.

  111. Lainie

    Refit on the boobs. Shorten skirt to above knee and maybe a poofy fun style. Then definitely wipe off a good deal of makeup (reminded of when I was a teen and my mom always told me to put my makeup on and then wipe half of it off again before leaving the house).

  112. Anne B.

    Oh Bai,

    What exactly is on your forehead that you don’t want us to see?!?!

    Because, dear, I’m … concerned. There’s some serious product, and time, going on up there. Time you could have spent PICKING A BETTER OUTFIT.

    We’re all sick from our secrets, Bai. I’m just saying: whatever it is you’ve got north of your eyebrows can’t be much worse than what you’re doing to hide it.

  113. billygene

    lets focus
    1. the color is nice and looks good on her figure, but is very dominating (see color theory 101).
    2. the dress is too big and the combination of the color and size makes the fabric explode.
    3. if the dress fit, with the belt on her hips where it probably is intended to go, the dress would still contain a lot of fabric. I don’t think the color and the shape of the dress could possibly mesh.
    4. It might be cute if she played up the fabric and pin. Maybe a pencil skirt with the belt on the hips, fitted top and some classic high heels. Since it’s Bai we can add a mesh veiled hat.
    5. On the same shape, i don’t think a different color would help on Bai. Maybe same shape, different color, different person. Heidi Klum might be this dress’s only salvation.

  114. Kyra

    It looks like it’s about to fall off of her… she’s too small to be holding that much fabric on her. Back to the old Bai, or at least to a tailor.

  115. emmaabelha

    I think the entire dress looks cheap and horrible, and so does her hair. All those barrettes and the sharp bangs are just tacky

  116. Cami

    I would first and foremost like to say, LET THE PANDA OUT OF THE BOTTLE! And let the rapid beaver near this dress. Remove most of the yellow fabric (which is a really good color on her, btw), especially the pointless belt. Take the magic wand that your sprite panda pulled out of her miniskirt and make this bodice fit. Then add fishnets somewhere. Anywhere. And band-aids. Voila, we have classic Bai Ling. You do not need a software upgrade, sweetie!

  117. Cj

    I love the dress color.

    I think it would look absolutely cute if it goes down 2 size (so the top actually fits), and cut off the buttom into a puffy bubble skirt or a sleek pencil skirt.

  118. Sydney

    This is hideous. In every which way. Total suckishness.

    You NEED to blog about KStew’s new mullet do.
    It makes me want to die.

  119. Magatha

    I know we’re supposed to take scissors and re-do stuff, but just once I would like Bai Ling to shock the socks off of every last one of us and scrub her face, wash her hair, put on a well-fitting pair of skinny blue jeans, a white t-shirt, and maybe canary yellow sandals. I mean, she wants to be eccentric, yes? On Planet Bai Ling, for one appearance, could anything be more eccentric?

  120. Cat

    The hair. The hair has got to go. That is some seriously fug hair. I cannot even pay any attention to the dress with that hairdo assaulting my eyeballs. Please make it stop.

  121. Kat

    I actually think the bodice and sleeves would look too fussy if you streamlined the skirt, leaving you with something that is more gala matron than new-look Bai. Of course I’d like to see the bodice fit properly, but could this possibly be a funds issue? She needs a lot of outfits for someone who doesn’t earn much. She reminds me of myself in college, trying to balance cost, wow factor and fit in my clothing purchases. Same goes for the over-severe art school girl hair and make-up. Concept, yes; execution, no. I sympathise. And I’d rather she misfired sometimes than was totally safe and dull.

    Re the colour: it brings out the gold tones in her skin to the extent that at first I thought she’d actually matched her make-up, which was alarming. Now I see she didn’t, it’s kind of amazing.

    All up: go Bai!

  122. j.ru

    So my first thought when I saw this was, “Oh baby Jesus, who took a chain saw to Bai’s knees?” This dress makes her look about 2feet 6inches. While I might just be moderately afraid of shorter people, Bai Ling’s outfit terrifies me. Someone needs to add about 1.5 more feet to this outfit.

    Second, I just keep getting reminded about the awkward appearance that she made on ‘Chelsea Lately’. Anyone watch that? Almost puts dear old Anna Nicole’s TrimSpa spokeswhore days to shame.

    Any other problems with her: orig 90210 hair-do, 15-year old Olympic gymnast inspired barrettes, awkward cat-eyes, nude meshy looking boob gap minimizer, 50-year old ‘I’m going to kill you’ stare are negated.

  123. Melissa

    the dress is fug, even in the right size.

    I do wish we could see her with soft pretty hair and makeup…those bangs, those damn bangs need to go.

  124. PT

    OMG. Seeing the close-up, I just realized why Bai weirds me out… she’s a dude!

  125. Fiona K.

    The hair! The make-up! So, so bad. What dress? I can’t even think about the dress.

  126. NYCGirl

    I actually like it. I would like it even more, though, if the cups were on the same level and were the same size. Maybe the belt could go, too.

  127. Maeve

    Wow, who thought we would see the day when we actually wanted Bai to go DOWN a size?

  128. RenaissanceGrrl

    Because it’s Bai, the ONLY thing I would do is have it tailored to fit properly (and lose the need for the netting…not even sure I’d ACTUALLY lose the netting).

    Girlfriend actually IS 43, if IMDB is to be believed. O_o I had no idea. While her makeup is not what *I* would do, I seriously hope I look that bangin’ at 43.

    I don’t mind the bangs starting so far back–her hairline is back further than most, I think, and her hair seems thin–but she needs to cut them a bit shorter. Her eyebrows are trapped!

  129. Kim

    She was so CUTE at the Young Hollywood Awards too! This dress–she is a teeny tiny thing and this dress is just too big and not for her frame. That neckline on a girl of her stature just draws attention to what isn’t there, and that netting isn’t doing anything good. It just looks like her top’s falling off, and not even in the crazy fun sort of way Bai’s tops are usually falling off. And what’s that sparkly thing doing besides just making the top more baggy and calling even more attention to the bad fit?

    So let’s do this–I’m okay with the skirt part. Not crazy about the fabric at all, but let’s let it slide. Hike up that drop waist and lose the belt, tailor the top major, lose that bejeweled ode to antique malls, burn the netting, put the sleeves up where they belong and take some of the fabric out (smaller cap sleeves). And WASH HER HAIR, make it softer and, I dunno, clean looking. If we’re going to make her classy Bai, then let’s go for it.

  130. pelijenn

    How tall is FugLing, anyway? Does it seem to anyone else that she has perhaps shrunk a foot?

    Chop off a bit of the length to show her feet – they’re very interesting. Unless they are now stubs, which would explain why she seems stumpy, but would be less interesting to look at. Anyway, then please make the dress just fit her tiny top. Slice it, dice it, julienne… I don’t care, just make it fit and it would be fine. She can totally rock this color!

  131. pelijenn

    BUT WAIT!!!
    I believe it is the hideous broach that is pulling her dress bodice every which way but up. Certainly for the sake of the sanity of US, she should lose the broach.

    On a kind of side note, have you ever encountered someone wearing a butt ugly broach or pin like this, in person?! It’s mesmerizing. You cannot focus on conversation, drinks, food, fashion, nothin’. I’ve only had this happen a coupla times, but it was so hard to break my gaze away and to reroute my thoughts. I kept wandering (mentally, of course) off into some cheapo discount store where the have a big pile o’ “designer” pins in a bucket on the counter and you wonder as you’re checking out “who in their right mind would ever buy one of those?”.
    When you actually meet the “who” in that query, it’s paralyzing.

  132. Zuzu2

    Yay! Not naked! Yay!

  133. Barbs

    She looks like a little girl dressing up in her grandma’s hideous formalwear. And it looks like she’s already stepped on a bit of the skirt and ripped it off in picture 2.

    The redeeming feature: she can totally pull off that bright, bright yellow. The colour is gorgeous on her. But only in a completely different outfit.

    In addition to ditching the dress, she needs to wash the gel out of her hair, and scrub off the panda eyes, dirty-tan blusher, and sparkly self-toned lipstick.

    In more natural makeup and with clean hair, she would look fabulous in a flattering dress in this colour.

  134. Calvin

    *long, painful sigh* Bai Ling is a freaky bitch, and I mean that in the simplest of ways. She will always look scary. Put her in a hoodie and jeans get up and she will look scary.
    So, granted the previous comment is scientific fact, when Bai wears something thats most probably NOT a costume from her film about the hard times of Shanghai hookers in 2500s, I can comfortabely say I’m put at ease a little. This dress is a little bit right and a little bit more wrong in my opinion. The design of the bodice and the layered skirt are fab. But it appears that Bai sent her measurements to the seamtress over the phone while drunk, or picked up the wrong size because she’s Bai, because the woman who most rightfully would wear that dress is obviously 7-feet tall and a 16G cup size. The fabric is horrid, whatever weird, thick silk stuff they used should be obliterated – the silk worms and chemical dyes that MADE that silk should be obliterated. But most importantly THE BOOB-TAPE is HILARIOS, and I just feel sorry for her.

    The bejewelled purple and silver applique however I find quite glorios. And the belt would look glorios as well in a different colour, I’m not sure what color exactly however…

  135. grace

    it resembles something i would wear as a dress up when i was four. Except i would probably do the whole ‘stuff tissues down the shirt’ thing instead of leaving it gaping like displayed by the ling.

  136. sasha

    This looks like one of those cardboard cutouts at the fair that you stand behind and get your photo taken. Only with this one the dress stands alone and you are lowered into the dress for your princess photo. One size does not fit all.

  137. cristina

    She looks like a girl trying her mum wedding dress.It doesn’t fit at all.
    And I think she is overdressed even if it will be the Oscars night.
    Please Bai come back to the mini-miniskirt

  138. Molly

    This is like “Bai Paper Dolls” where the dress was not cut out quite right, and the tabs are too long.
    No Bai.
    Just no.
    And stop it right now.
    No one is going to buy your book “Nipples” if you go sashaying around in something like this.
    Go right straight back to your closet and
    get back into your Bai-alicious garments immediately.
    Do not pass “Go”.
    Do not collect 200 band-aids.

  139. Freak Flag Flier

    It’s that bigass brooch on her right side that drags the whole thing off kilter. I mean, really, that thing probably weighs half as much as Bai herself. I’m pleasantly surprised she isn’t canting off to the side from it.
    Still, it looks just a tad too roomy for our girl Bai. Screw taking up the sides–she coulda stuffed a little something to fill out the top and it woulda been awesome.
    While we’re at it, let’s lose the belt. It just isn’t working for me. Looks like a raincoat’s belt pressed into service.
    Her makeup is doing that separating-into-neck-creases thing. Blech. Blush is the wrong color, too, a bit too brown? I dunno.

  140. Caren

    I would first lose that bejeweled spider that’s trying to sneak into her right armpit.

  141. dee

    Get rid of the sleeves altogether. Tighten the bodice. Add some sewn in cups to push those babies up, slice the hem just below the female bits…get rid of the stupid barrettes and give her a more Bai-appropriate ‘do, say, some yellow feathers in one side of her hair, and give her some kick-ass 5″ spiked heels. And voila!

  142. Nicky Miller

    The whole thing stinks of Bai being over a friends, sunning and sweating by the pool when her agent asks can she pull it together and drop in on whatever award show she seems to be at. Said friend lends her the dress, helps her cake on some makeup, and sends her on her bat-sh*t crazy way. To top the look she combs her sweaty head into a greasy pony tail at a stop light, and, THANK GOD, she finds cheap junior high style clips at the bottom of her bag to secure her locks into greasy place. Voila! Bai perfection.

  143. Mae

    I never thought I’d say this about Bai Ling, but…this is just too much dress. I cannot believe she has actually done such a 180 that we would be complaining of too much material but it’s true. Also, as others have pointed out—I have an issue with the black hair clips—they take away from the “look” she’s going for. But then, looking at the extreme bangs she’s sporting, I’d say the whole hair situation needs a makeover too. If she’s serious about turning over a new fashion/career leaf, I say, get thee to Sally Hershberger or one of her top assistants ASAP and commit fully to Bai Ling 2.0

  144. FrenchGirl

    Hmmm… ok, so she isn’t naked. It’s still majorly fug!

  145. Cora

    I don’t love the dress– not on her, not on anybody. But if it’s what we have to work with…

    1. Fix the hair by giving her a longish pixie cut or Anna Wintour-style bob. Fresh but still dramatic, and would chop (pun intended) 5 years off of her already-youthful face.
    2. Redo the makeup. Misplaced blusher aside, the makeup job itself isn’t so bad–red carpet makeup is akin to stage makeup, in that it is supposed to be done rather heavily, since it will be viewed (for the most part) from a distance and often through lenses (just the closeup shot looks really bad here). But the heavy Cleopatra eyes, etc. are just too jarring with a sunny 1950s-ish dress with almost a sweetheart neckline. She needs to go natural and summery.
    3. I don’t think the dress looks cheap and tacky, per se, but it really looks like a Project Runway assignment, like maybe a Gone-With-the-Wind-inspired project where they have to construct haute couture gowns out of old hotel lobby drapes or something. Tim Gunn would want us to:
    -Get it fit to the right size, which would immediately improve it at least 75% and also eliminate the need for the chest netting.
    -Cut the skirt to mid-calf (cocktail) length.
    -Keep the band at the waist, but subtract the self-covered buckle thing.
    -Axe that… flower brooch? Mineral corsage?
    -Add ladylike pumps, perhaps in a matching yellow, or a nice contrasting color.
    -Add understated necklace and earring set, maybe jet black, or deep purple or blue for contrast.

  146. Morten G

    I am but a humble scientist and no clue where to start to save that dress. But the colour is awesome!
    The hair. I’m pretty sure that anything would be an improvement. Maybe she should go back to her bald 1999 look. Literally bald. Or pixie or a parting with a bit of curl in the tips… ANYTHING!

  147. Morten G

    Someone mentioned paper dress-up Bai Ling dolls? That would be fantastic!

  148. Anonymous

    WHERE ARE HER LEGS?!?!?!?!

  149. Suzy

    Yank the whole thing upwards a foot, cut off the shoulder sleeves, lose the belt, and close the gap between her boobs so that the top of the dress goes straight across. Then it would be great–I love the bright yellow on her.

    Also, wash hair and start over with totally different hairdo.

  150. lauren

    fix the bust, obviously. fit it to her. get rid of the sleeves, the ugly broach, and that netting between the boobs.

    make it knee length, with more of a tight, fitted, pencil-type of skirt rather than the crazy poof it’s got going on now.

    pair it with a cute turquoise clutch and fierce strappy black heels.

  151. Ally

    I think you are completely right about it being the wrong size. Size it down, make the belt a different color (I like the idea of turquoise), wack off the train and make it knee length, get rid of the part where the dress comes together right under her hip and make it a clean line.

  152. Maya

    Oh Bai. The dress is definitely too big, yes.. but can we please talk about her makeup?

  153. Neifile

    Add a yellow sou-wester hat, some rubber fishing boots, a harpoon and a pegleg, take a hose to her so the whole thing is wet, and suddenly she’s Ahab-licious!

  154. Melissa

    Hm. Bai is over-the-top dramatic – that’s what she does, and I feel like she’s almost actually pulling it off here. I even like the strange proportions and weird skirt, although I wish we could see a foot peeking out the edge somewhere, just so we could confirm that they actually exist and she hasn’t suffered a tragic and unexpected amputation when her dog decided it liked the taste of her foot cream and gnawed her feet off. Overall, though, I think the dress suits her – it’s dramatic and off the wall, but with enough structure and simple (if vivid) colors that it’s merely 200% overwhelming, down from her usual 1000%.

    The bodice needs to be much more fitted than that. It looks like she’s going for a ‘why, yes, this just might slip off at any moment, and wouldn’t you like to see that?’ kind of vibe – especially considering that the waist and hips fit her perfectly, I can only assume it was deliberate. But it’s gone into ‘OMG I really don’t want to see this, PLEASE hike it up’ territory. If it were pulled in a bit and ended up as more of a ‘why yes, I’m showing a lot of skin, and it’s rather lovely skin, don’t you think?’, it’d be perfect.

    Oh, and scrub off about 2/3 of that makeup. And I’d love to change the bangs around, because I suspect she has a lovely face under there, but that’s her trademark right now, and it wouldn’t do to change everything at once.

  155. anonymous

    Lose the belt, its ugly, serves no purpose, and completely wrong on a formal gown.

    Raise the sleeves so that’s its actually an over the shoulder, rather than off the shoulder gown. That’s going to solve most of your fit problems and make it hang better. Either get rid of the jewel thing, or put a matching one on the other sleeve.

    Part the hair instead of having her bangs down in her eyes. She has a lovely face, don’t hide it.

  156. Tricia

    Love the colour but lose the sleeves, close up the deep plunge and make the neckline straight across, shorten dress into a just above the knee tulip style, let hair down after proper washing and flat-ironing, shoo crystal spider up onto the side of her head, lose the ‘malibu barbie goes goth’ makeup and finish off with a pair of kelly green heels. Tah-dah!

  157. Rebecca

    I have no idea how tall Bai actually is. In this pictures, though, with the fairy-tale dress and with the looking four feet tall? I kind of expect her to explain to Dorothy that she needs to follow the yellow brick road.

    The thing is, you don’t want Bai to be anything but Bai. So you don’t want it *sane,* you just want it to *fit.* Shrink down the bodice and get it fitted so she doesn’t look like a kid playing dress-up with mom’s clothes. But I say keep the train. Shrink the front panel up to mini-length, but keep the huge yellow train in back, like a peacock’s plumage. Because if anyone in the universe needs plumage, it’s Bai.

  158. BAnne

    Wow…it looks as if Bai FORGOT she was having to go to a big party, that she woke up after a 5-day bender, found the invitation, ran a comb through her hair, pinned it back, slapped on an entire bottle of pancake makeup, grabbed this frock out of her roommate Brunhilda’s closet and ran to the ball in the nick of time to have her picture taken.

  159. Shugee

    This is what happens when Belle’s rich beasty prince won’t marry her and she becomes a female escort to pay the bills.

  160. Jules

    Her makeup is absolutely dire. The blush looks like smears of potting soil! Makeup that bad could ruin even a good outfit; paired with this brightly yellow dress, it makes her look ill.

  161. apricotmuffins

    Get rid of the sleeves totally, make the neckline a nice sweetheart one with no netting, and ABOVE ALL MAKE IT HER SIZE. I wonder what compelled her to wear a dress so obviously several sizes too big for her. But yes, those sleeves. I want to take a pair of shears to them, the dress could be really cute without them

  162. Saidhbhin

    Can I just say how much I hate her fringe? For a woman as shamelessly naked as Bai Ling, how come she is so afraid to show us her forehead? It looks like she has a sweeping brush permanently stuck to her head, or one of those bristly letterbox finger-eating things…please can someone remove it for me? It drives me to distraction…

  163. La Seditiosa

    I love this colour on Bai. I really like the theory behind this dress and I don’t think it’d take too much to fix it. The bodice needs to fit properly, obviously, and I think I’d make the skirt a long pencil type skirt. That drapey thing is making me think of curtains stapled to a bodice for some reason.

  164. Melissa

    You’re bang on: proper dress fitting, lose the flesh netting, five pounds less makeup. It would still be Bai-relative unfugged rather than in any absolute sense, but un-Bai-ing this isn’t the brief and wouldn’t we all secretly like to have Bai as a relative?

  165. Melissa

    I’m kind of loving that from a distance her brooch looks like she’s suckling a bejeweled toad.

  166. Jody

    I would hate to ‘fix’ the dress in a way that isn’t Bai-like. So in keeping with her own unique style and still sure to make the fug list, here’s what I’d do (or what she’d do if she wasn’t under some alien spell):

    1) Cut off the center portion of the skirt 2 inches below crotch level. Move the belt down so that it is at crotch level, just enough to cover her when she’s standing still, but framing her favorite body part. Someone suggested changing the color of the belt to turquoise….sure, why not?! That would highlight it more.

    2) Take a chip clip, hair clip, giant safety pin or something, and pull together the back so that it fits better over her boobs. Hide it by making a skinny, floor-length cape with some of the skirt fabric.

    3) Pull out the netting (not needed now) and spray mount it to her bangs, hanging over her eyes

    4) Voila! The color is striking on her. With this makeover, the dress will fit better, it will show off the red leather ankle boots you know she’s wearing beneath the skirt, and we’ll all feel relieved that Bai is back on her game. All’s right with the world.

  167. naomi

    Actually, no, leave this just as it is. Don’t you see Bai is sending us a message? Clearly personality #7, 7yearold Aspiring Actress, has decided to get all grown up and Taken Seriously and beaten the other twelve personalities into submission. Being a seven year old though she chose a dress that was clearly Mom’s Dressup-sized and the other personalities just went “yes, dear, that DOES look all serious, you’ll get a Tony Award with this” and huddled behind the sofa hoping that the outer world would see through this getup, so to speak and come in and save them.
    So, we’ve broken the code, let’s send her some bandages and sharpies.

  168. Lauren

    Let’s fix the dress to be more suited to what we’ve come to expect, no demand, of Bai. Here’s what we do, leave the train but hack off the underskirt about 2 inches below her ladyparts, cut off the back of the bodice, then stuff the over-the-shoulder drapey sleeves with industrial netting until it stands out behind her like an over-grown airplane neck pillow. Then add some shoes, like some motorcyle boots or bondage-gladiator sandals.

  169. Natalie

    This dress is a bazillion sizes too big and it is ugly. She does look better than usual and it is apparent that she is trying to change her image or something or has a wacko stylist?? But she needs a hair stylist..what is with those bangs??

  170. Valerie

    All she really needs is a few dozen safety pins. Seriously though, why can’t stylists direct their clients to clothing which FITS? This is way too big, she’s going to trip on her skirt and have all of her goodies spill out the front… which might just be her intent actually.

  171. Dianne

    I can’t even start with the dress because her hair is giving me heart palpitations. Those bangs are severe, and she’s got so many of those little metal barettes that she looks like an Olympic gymnast.

  172. Nina

    I think she looks fine, for her and for anyone. She is a pretty woman. The only problem for me is the size of it. If it had been smaller, it would have been great.

  173. Lisa

    Where are her legs? She looks like a torso without legs in this thing!

  174. Anonymous

    I don’t completely hate it, but it’s an awful lot of dress for such a tiny woman. I’m pretty sure it weighs more than she does!

  175. eurydice

    She looks like she’s wearing a “Bed-in-a-Bag”.

    First of all, it’s got to fit – Change the sweetheart bodice to go straight across and squish her boobs. Shorten the skirt to “way too short”. Leave the belt, but add a large glitter buckle.

    Then we have to lighten up the fabric Get rid of the shoulder thingies and hip flaps – replace the train with a bustle and a trail of yellow tulle – sparkly yellow tulle.

    Finally, hide the ugly fringe with a giant pouf of yellow tulle right on the side of her forehead and attach it with the ugly rhinestone pin. Add bandaids and wait for the applause.

  176. Marian

    my god, I’ve never seen a close-up of her face before – she looks like an old catcher’s mitt … with a pound of makeup smeared on it …. Also …. um…. are we sure she’s a woman? She just looks, well, kind of mannish. Of course, given how much of her anatomy, maybe someone has already considered and eliminated this conjecture.

  177. Sharon

    She looks awfuly tired in that close up.

    The dress is just meh… her idea of glamour.

  178. Pearl

    Actually, I am more frightened by the makeup and hair than the dress. The dress strikes me as some vintage number Bai picked up in her trips through various imaginary lands and “redid” to fit her imaginary prom queen persona, a girl who would be friends with Molly Ringwald’s Andie while kicking Annie Potts’ wacky BFF character to the curb (who’s the wackiest?). Bai would totally mesh with Duckie, while giving Andie sound advice on how to win Richie Rich Boy with seductive eye lasers and Band-Aid poetry.

    But the hair and makeup… the sheer weight of the gel/spray in her bangs must be what is giving her the semi-frown, which only causes cracks in the spackle and bronzer plastered into her skin. Kind of a hard edge for the prom queen glam girl dress, fit or no fit (and I go with deliberate “bad fit” as part of Bai’s master plan, to highlight and deconstruct our false dependence on material goods and ridiculous ceremonies… oh, if we would only listen to the Band Aids!)

  179. Anonymous

    Make it into a sleeveless mini dress and it would be delightful!

  180. Cynthia

    Agree with Pearl, but I think the dress was picked up on an imaginary planet. And the makeup is scary.

  181. Sus

    Dress and makeup aside, the angle of the last photo makes it look like Bai is suffering from a case of comb-forward (the lesser-known sibling of the combover) in an effort to hide…uh…a tall forehead, or perhaps a receding hairline? I can’t exactly figure out what’s going on there….

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  184. Jenny

    Bai Ling is 42?!?!

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