I call this photo, “The Best Worst Position.”

Because what a thing, to see that dress in action, but what an agony to have to plod up the stairs behind it. No matter what you’re wearing, you’re catching the tired fumes of people’s excited exhalations. I also feel like Zoey Deutch (daughter of Lea Thompson; to me, star of the late, lamented Ringer) has to be pondering how long she’s supposed to wait there before it’s universally accepted that Zoe Saldana has made it far enough up the stairs and/or can be safely passed on the left. They ARE wide enough to have a fast lane.

Let’s take a closer look at Zoey’s gown, which I ALMOST love.

That fabric is GORGEOUS. I don’t love the underpants, it’s true, but sometimes exceptions can be made. However, in this instance, seeing a satin piece winking under there just makes me want to know if the whole shebang would have thrived with some lining. Pale pink, even, if not cream/white. I don’t think it would have taken away from the material. But I also do see how ethereal and wonderful the skirt is without it, and wonder what the possible compromises might be to take away from how WHOA the panty line is. Also I resent having to type the word “panty.”

From the front, though, it’s a little too Covering Eve’s Bits In The Garden of Eden. I also think the heart gives it a childish twist it could have done without; I want to rip that thing off and send it back to the fairy tale whence it came. But praise for the fact that I THINK the vines on her midriff are cleverly minimizing the boning of a corset. You can see it, but only if you REALLY peer.

Unquestionably, though, there is the germ of something special here. What would you have done to enhance it, or is it perfect for you as-is?

[Photos: Getty]