Unfug It Up: Jessica Chastain


unfug-it-up

I feel like, at the Annual Meeting of the Jessicas, Chastain and I would sit together and roll our eyes whenever Simpson or Biel started talking and then later, over the cronuts, I’d be all, “what are you wearing this time?” and she’d be all, “don’t you like it?” and I’d be like, “eh.” And then, I don’t know, Alba would start harassing Pare about whether or not Megan Draper was going to live through this season of Mad Men and we’d have to go rescue her.

I feel like “eh” kind of covers this:

I love that fabric and I like that cut and overall, I would be in love with this but something about it is just EH. We’ll bring it up at the next meeting, unless you can fix it first. HOLD FORTH.

[Photo: Getty]

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Comments (48):

  1. Michelle
    +13

    What is happening underneath her boobs? No.

    This cut may be flattering on some Jessicas, but Chastain ain’t one of ‘em.

  2. JingleBoots
    +4

    Better shoes & bag, and either an updo or a lower neckline (I vote updo).

    • April
      +2

      Exactly. If she pulled her hair up, I’m pretty sure the cut of the dress would be instantly better. And yeah, different shoes are needed stat!

    • Maria
      +1

      Yep; hair up and/or different neckline. A red shoe would not be out of the question either.

  3. Naomi
    +9

    Different bag for sure – something either bigger or smaller. This is an odd size.

    Hair needs to be up to elongate her neck – she’s looking squashed.

    Waist needs more definition – either better tailoring in the dress or a black belt.

    • wildviolette
      0

      I LOVE the bag! It’s the only thing she’s wearing that works for me!

  4. lola
    0

    I don’t know why, but I think she looks sexy here. ? ….? I guess that she usually looks so awkward, or stiff (and her interviews about not being able to get a date…) but here she just looks like a pretty red head whom you might meet on the street. Normal. Works for me.

  5. porchswing
    +7

    The twisted fabric makes it look like her head is screwed on. I think I’d toss this and start over. There’s nothing special enough to save.

  6. CC
    +3

    The dress is too high waisted. Jessica has a classic hourglass figure and a dress with an empire waist is not for her. Not sure how I feel about the neckline. Hard to tell with her hair covering it.

    •  Sarah
      +9

      See, I think the problem is that she doesn’t have much of a waist but consistently does not dress correctly for this body type. The reason I loved the purple dress at Cannes so much on her (apart from the color), was that the cut gave her the illusion of an hourglass figure.

      • KatB
        +3

        I agree…she is not naturally hourglass shaped, so a square dress just makes her look more square…and this is too narrow through the shoulder and armhole so combined with the high neck, she looks choked. I might be crazy but I see this “too tight in the shoulder” problem all the time, it’s very unflattering.

    • Ellen
      +5

      More neck, less fabric. It’s like a tablecloth is slowly strangling her right now.

  7. Goldfish
    +7

    To me, this looks like some type of medical garment.

    And those nice blocks and then twisted blocks are MURDERING my OCD.

    • Goldfish
      +1

      And oh, to fix? She will have to just get a new dress. Also, lose the blue lunchbox. I guess she can keep the formal nursing shoes.

  8.  Vandalfan
    +8

    Why on earth take such a straight, linear print and make it grid on the skirt, but pull and swath it up around her throat asymmetrically? It adds pounds to her hips visually, even if the fit of the skirt is good, and the bodice just looks schlumpy. Use this pretty fabric elsewhere, make this dress out of a small floral print, with lots of greens and corals, and give it a scoop or v neck. Keep the nifty bag, find shoes that fit.

    From the neck up, comb that pretty hair and pull it back, wipe off half the slap, and brush the eyebrows upward, not down. Oh yeah, and add a bracelet.

    • Aphy
      +1

      I was going to comment, but yeah…you said everything I was going to say!

  9. Sandra
    +2

    Hem it above the knee, get rid of the bodice twists/folds/whatever and give it a proper neckline and she’s good to go. There is a cute day-dress here that is trying desperately to get out.

  10. Jenny
    +2

    She is washed out by the color, and the cut (and pattern) makes her look like a shapeless mess, when she has a lovely figure in actuality. Not flattering in the least- and the accessories don’t help. Toss out the whole thing and start from scratch.

  11. Alessandra
    0

    She looks pretty frumpy here, which is kind of an amazing feat, since she’s…her!
    I think if the neck weren’t all up in her chin with the heavy hair and the print were different, it would be a start.

  12.  ErinB
    +6

    To fix:
    1) Only wear in winter
    2) Put gorgeous hair into gorgeous updo
    3) Bag should be a brighter color, perhaps bright pink or green — it needs to stand out
    4) Change shoes to fabulous non-matchy shoes (in a BRIGHT color, NO nude, white, or black)

  13. Amanda
    +2

    It’s the hair. Wearing it down with that neckline makes it look like she has no neck at all! Put that beautiful hair up out of the way. And while you’re at it, borrow those fabulous orange shoes from Zoe Saldana.

  14. Sadie-Ann
    +12

    High complicated neckline OR hair down. You can’t have both.

  15. Sara B.
    +4

    This isn’t “eh”, it’s head-to-toe AWFUL!

  16. Sajorina
    0

    I like the dress, but I don’t like the purse or the shoes! It’s just FINE as is, but could definitely be a FAB with awesome shoes and a kick-ass purse! Her head looks beautiful, but I’d like it better if her hair was up and away from the front of the dress!

  17. filmcricket
    +7

    Untwist everything above the waist and give it a simple crew neck. Put the hair in an up-do. Hem the skirt by an inch or so, and bring the bottom of it in to make it more pencil shaped. Replace the shoes with some kind of kicky summer sandal.

  18. Fifie
    +4

    It looks like it is on backwards and makes her look like she has a gut. Also, coloured shoes would help.

  19. AM
    +1

    I think it’s fine. I don’t understand the criticism. If I had to change something, it would be the shoes because I don’t think they fit her that well and maybe a color would look better.

  20.  hillary l.
    +1

    Lower neck, cap sleeve, thin neon belt/ neon bracelet on left wrist.

  21. witjunkie
    +3

    To me it looks like she is seconds away from being smothered by a pillow.

  22. Sara
    +3

    Yep – a ponytail and neon shoes would fix her right up.

  23. Bella
    +3

    I would like the fabric better as a pencil skirt with an orangegy/red tank and a statement necklace. And shoes of a color, too. Her hair is beautiful, but there is just too much at the neck between hair/fabric. I’d rather she flaunt that hair with a more flattering top.

  24. annie
    +3

    lower neckline, better bra

  25. Daenerys
    +2

    Two words- new shoes.

  26. Nikki
    +3

    The twisted top makes it look like she somehow managed to put the dress on incorrectly. Kind of like when my toddler puts her pants on wrong.

  27. Ailatan
    +1

    If she had something like a fabulous yellow bag, we would be distracted and give this a pass.

  28. TaraMisu
    +2

    Her chest is seemingly swathed in my dish towel….. I think the cut of this dress makes her look square, she needs to wear lower-waisted dresses. The bag is ok but the shoes! Zzzzzzz
    Someone above mentioned neon shoes, I say YES! A great pop of color!

  29. Xiomalys V. Crespo Quiñones
    +1

    Can I be a waitress at the Jessica convention? I’ll wear what Rose Byrne wore recently and blend in among questionably executed outfits like this one!

    The dress is fine, but she needed to jazz it up—a neon-colored shoe and a sleek ponytail would have gone a long way!

  30.  HelenBackAgain
    +1

    Okay, note to all the people who think it’s never the clothes that make you look fat, but the fact that you’re fat:

    THIS DRESS MAKES ANY WEARER LOOK FAT.

  31. CK
    +1

    Agree with so much of the above.

    Had to share that Chastain here popped up in my rewatching of ‘Veronica Mars’. Between her and to lesser extent Amanda Seyfried, some serious acting chops on the show (obviously only behind Harry Hamlin and the Goot!) :)

  32. LB
    +1

    No, no, no. It’s just fug. Stop this madness and put something pretty on.

  33. Squirrel!
    0

    I can’t believe no one has asked this of Morgan: cronuts??
    Is that a portmanteau of cream-filled donuts? Or crullers and donuts?

  34. Craig McDonald
    +2

    It makes me feel like my vision has gone out of focus.

  35. fritanga
    +1

    Skirt is too long, neckline is too high, the whole pattern should have been cut as diamonds because the squares in the bottom half are hip-enbiggening AND stumpifying.

    I don’t like this at all.

  36. Jeanette
    0

    Give it a sweetheart neckline, hem it above the knee and add a string of colorful beads, a brighter handbag and cool shoes in an interesting color. Lower the waistline and make it more form fitting. Keep the lovely expression and beautiful hair.

  37. Amy
    0

    Make it a skirt, find a new shirt and accessorize as above! See how much we care, Jessica Chastain?

  38. Rosemary
    0

    out of all the fabric choices this was it? no. sorry. hair up, diff shoes, makes no diff. can’t these folks who make goo gobs of money do better than this? if you can’t fio yourself can’t you hire someone who can?

  39. googler
    +1

    We’ve seen her in a lot of stuff at this point, so we know she’s rather slender. This makes her look a lot wider than she really is.

  40. Lily1214
    0

    Neck is too short for this particular design which the designer should’ve known.