Tony Awards Fug or Fierce: Whoopi Goldberg


Ever since it was announced that Project Runway‘s Christian Siriano would dress Whoopi for her gig hosting the Tony Awards, I’ve been dying to see what he would do for her. I mean, this is a guy whose dream job was to dress Posh, whom you could swaddle in fifteen pounds of ruffle — preferably covering as little of her as possible — and she’d still look like she weighed 90 pounds soaking wet. Whoopi Goldberg is hardly an avant-garde demi-nudist; hence my extreme curiosity.

All things considered — assuming this is, in fact, his dress; it’s the most likely candidate I’ve found so far, anyway — it certainly could’ve gone worse:

I did expect a bit better: It is not tremendously original, nor does it set my world on fire. I like my mullets on Survivor contestants and hockey players, thank you very much. I don’t totally understand that flap of beige around her crotch, nor why she needs something around her neck that can summon her butler (unless he’s supposed to be wrangling that beige crotch flap, in which case, she should be pulling on that chain for dear life). And it has the faint aura of an overly formal lounging robe, the likes of which you might see on a reclusive millionairess who smokes cigarettes through filgers, wears bedazzled turbans, and still uses lead-based makeup while she whimpers about how The Talkies are ruining the film industry.

But all that said, I don’t HATE it, either, and here’s why: When was the last time the Whoopster showed up to The View wearing hot shoes AND showing off her ankles, much less flashing skin all the way up to her knees? So even though this starts out a bit bulky and depressing — like she’s a schoolmarm at a
funeral — its gets points for turning into something saucier and girlier than I thought she’d wear, and which she pulls off with aplomb. Am I crazy, or does she deserve a pat on the back and a pint of ice cream for that?

Regardless of where you stand on this one, it’s WAY better than what she had on later:

This will serve Whoopi well when she gives a a reading from the Book of Ringling (“And on the third day, God rested from the task of creating flowers that shoot water, for He had not yet invented the hose”) at St. Bozo’s Latter Day Circus Church.