I had to split this into two parts and it’s STILL long. But reducing Fug Madness near-winner Mischa Barton into one post felt like slighting the ignominious history that has made her so vital to Fug Nation. In other words, she’s worn A LOT OF THINGS, and I STILL left a bunch out — if I missed anything you loved, please do drop the link in the comments.

And without further ado, here is Barton Fug Memoirs, part 1: Before Things Got Really Kind Of Depressing.

[Photos: Getty, Splash]