The Notorious F.U.G.

I have missed Lil’ Kim:

It goes without saying: I also miss her old face. She sort of looks like she decided to borrow this one from LaToya Jackson.

She may have also borrowed….well, what is she wearing? It looks like something you’d make in the beading aisle of Michaels for a cocktail party. After you’d been trapped in that particular Michaels for five years because that was the only place in town that you were safe from the zombies — zombies being notoriously scared of hot glue guns — and the cocktail party was happening over where they kept the plastic champagne glasses, and the cocktails were made of turpentine and the hors d’oeuvres consisted solely of those Styrofoam balls of varying circumference and you were all OUT OF YOUR FREAKING MINDS.

You know that dude sitting behind her is texting someone — everyone — something along the lines of, “I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU’RE DOING WITH YOUR HOT GLUE GUN YOU HAVE GOT TO GET TO THIS PARTY RIGHT NOW.”  He’s not wrong.


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Comments (25):

  1. Carolina Girl

    It may just be a trick of the lighting at my desk, but in that second pic it looks like there’s a sweat stain under her left breast. If so, ewwww.

  2. Caroline

    The thing that horrifies me most is not the wonk face from bad fillers and plastic surgery, or the epaulettes and beading on a swimsuit, it’s the shiny tights – pantyhose. C3POMG holding her up just exacerbates it with his own shininess.

    Too much shiny…

  3. Artist At Large

    Was just running in to make the same observation as Caroline Girl: underboob sweat!

  4. AMS

    You know what’s funny? Given who it is, in the second pic it doesn’t look half bad. And I love that she has matching shoes. I am so glad she exists — her fug seems to be a happy fug, and it always makes me laugh.

  5. jessica

    I love how her undereyeliner??? perfectly matches her ice skating costume :)

  6. Kimberly

    The second picture makes it look like she’s had a stroke. Only the right side of her face is smiling.

    And yes, hells to the no on the outfit, Kim.

  7. yvetterene

    Wow!! Just WOW!!!

  8. JK

    So much time and money spent to look like that! Poor lady.

  9. peteski

    I love the woman in the background of the first picture :)

  10. A.J.

    I love the post-zombie apocalypse cocktail hour comment. That made my day regardless of what Lil’ Kim is wearing.

  11. foo

    Hee! It looks like her boobs are wearing a blue Beatles wig in the first pic.

    The whole outfit (makeup/etc) is fantastic in the sheer amount of fugness it contains in one lil’ package. That is some hideous ass jewelry, and damn it made me smile to see this. :)

  12. jhops

    Two things really bother me about the 2nd pic: First, why is The Situation allowed to touch Lil Kim? She’s been to JAIL, people. She’s PAID her debt to society. Enough is enough.

    But second, and more importantly … WHAT is happening to her boobs?!

  13. Leah C

    LIVING for this! Seriously… girlfriend has the cojones to start some shiz w/ Nicki Minaj but her outfit just finished it. If you want any further proof that Kim is done and gone, this is it. All hail the new Queen, Nicki!

  14. vandalfan

    I love Lil’ Kim. Have for years. The plastic facial surgery makes me sad, but one really can’t embrace graceful aging in her line of work.

  15. AJ

    Lil Kim? Looks more like “Sonique the Whorehog”…So Sonic the Hedgehog did fornicate with Rogue the Bat? Bestiality FTL, and I don’t mean “Ft lauderdale”, folks.

  16. sarrible

    She looks like a Na’vi stripper who initially shows up dressed as a member of Napoleon’s imperial guard.

  17. AnaBe

    She looks like she’s about to play a cameo in Why Can’t I Roar as La Toya’s Smurfette cousin who cannot roar but smurfs like a champ.

  18. BigTex

    I think the “boob sweat” is the shadow of Shiny Guy’s middle finger.

  19. Bambi Anne Dear

    How much filler is there in this face? And what about the sagarama on her chest.

  20. deas

    I know this look is wretched…but I don’t mind her new face as much as everyone else seems to. She almost looks….pretty….almost…in the face.

  21. buttercup

    She stole that from Dolly Parton’s closet.

  22. FreakyDC

    I agree with Kimberly. it looks like she’s had a stroke, or the muscles in her face are SO busted from surgery she can’t form a real smile anymore. STOP messing up your face! it will never make you happier. i hope she gets some therapy to go with that surgery habit.

  23. jamtart

    “I think the “boob sweat” is the shadow of Shiny Guy’s middle finger.”

    You know what, BigTex? That somehow makes it EVEN BETTER.

  24. Liz @ iheartvegetabl

    Hahahaha this made me laugh out loud. Ohh Michaels

  25. NatalieV

    I believe I saw that same dress at a drill team competition in 1988.