The Kardashian Fuglection

Just as I was about to write this, Patti Stanger said — on last night’s Millionaire Matchmaker, not, like, from across the room — “Pancho Villa wants his jumpsuit back.” Patti, I don’t think Pancho Villa ever wore a jumpsuit, but I appreciate that effort. It’s difficult to come up with an appropriate historical jumpsuit wearer at a moment’s notice, I know. Personally, next time you are stuck for that reference, I advise going for noted historical freedom fighter John Travolta.

That being said, I agree with you that a skirt is  almost always better. SEE:

Not terrible-terrible, but wouldn’t it be cuter if it were a dress? As it is, the cut of this, paired with her body, makes her look a bit like she’s about to tip over. Wouldn’t she look less like an animal-flavored ice cream cone if it ended in something that weren’t tapered pants? Let’s take a look from the side:

Girl, WE KNOW.

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Comments (37):

  1. ak

    I think the appropriate historical reference is Al Capone. As in, “Girl, Al Capone just called, and he wants his jumpsuit back.”

  2. Jamie

    This is one of the worst things I’ve ever seen. And I’m all for animal print and trends, etc. But good god. I just…can’t. My eyes hurt.

  3. Kate

    I actually think from the waist up it’s really cute. The bottom… well, it’s a jumpsuit. ‘Nuff said.

  4. Steph

    Maybe it’s the angle of the first picture, but she looks well proportioned there, and not stuffed into a sausage casing like usual. However, it’s still a leopard print jumpsuit and nothing will change that fact.

  5. The Other Molly

    Are the shoes that make women’s feet look like hooves ever going to go away?

  6. Kimberli

    I was looking at US Weekly the other day on my phone. (I was bored. Don’t judge me too harsh.) There was actually a headline that read, “Kim Kardashian Chooses a Wedding Day Fragrance!” My rage flowed through me like a wave over a sand castle. (Ooooh, bad prose.) I don’t understand how people can read that shit! Celebrity culture is completely absurd. Who the blank cares what some chick from Bachelor Pad 2 did the other night?

    Oh my God! HULK SMASH!

  7. Rowynn

    Just another cheesy little booth in the Carnival of Bad Taste that is KK’s wardrobe. And everything she wears is made just that much fuglier by the simpering, smug look she always has on her face.

  8. AndersonicTK421

    @ Kimberli: LOL

  9. Mikki

    Even worse…this is apparently from their own Kollection…they truly expect people to buy this krap!

  10. The Other Molly

    The problem is, sheeple WILL actually buy this krap.

  11. Vanessa

    It hurts my heart that you Jessica can look at a jumpsuit and say “not terrible-terrible”. Have the last two years robbed your eyes of their innocence? Jumpsuits on adults are terrible, terrible, terrible. Please hold fast to your sartorial principles.

  12. dawn laronda

    is an enormous butt supposed to be a sign of beauty?

  13. amy

    Yes, your lukewarm condemnation of a jumpsuit was the worst part of this fug. Have you just been worn down by the frequency of the offense?

  14. Christian

    I like how their new logo is hideous. Glad they got sued by whoever they stole it from. Wish they would all go rot in a hole with their tacky jumpsuits, plastic faces, and complete unearned entitlement.

  15. Lina

    God, she’s wearing me down, too. I mean, I hate animal print, but I could live with this from waist up…if only the bottom half were a pair of nice tailored black trousers or something. But the way she’s arching her back to show off her butt and bust…you’re so right. WE KNOW ALREADY. GOD. Yay for being curvy, but you don’t have to throw out your back to make your point.

  16. Cristina

    No, this is terrible-terrible.

  17. Groceries

    Here’s the thing. This is a hot outfit.

    For a Golden Girl.

    It hides all the bumps and bruises while still allowing for a womanly shape.

    I’m totally going to buy one when I’m 70!

  18. Groceries

    And 20 bucks says they had a fight over which one GOT to wear this outfit to the KK event!

  19. Alicia

    Peg Bundy wants her outfit back…

  20. TaraMisu

    @alicia :D :D:D:D:D

  21. Carolyn Seward

    Terrible, Horrific, Hideous, the list goes on…

  22. Amber

    It says a lot about the shoes when they are the worst part of an outfit that also includes a leopard print jumpsuit. But my God, the shoes. Gross.
    Don’t get me wrong, the jumpsuit is horrible, but at least it looks like it could be comfortable.

  23. Wendy

    I couldn’t even finish reading this post. By the time you finished lecturing Patti Stanger about Pancho Villa and historical accuracy I was crying with laughter.

  24. gpleigh

    Oooof, that is an absolutely wretched mess. I seriously don’t get why we’re supposed to give a crap about the Kardashians. They always look horrific and they are not in the least interesting. Whatsoever. They creep me out.

  25. NYCGirl

    (Whimpering) Why won’t they go away?

  26. jenny

    No…it’s terrible-terrible. The print couldn’t look any cheaper and the fit is (as M. Kors would say) INSANE.

  27. Infoqueen

    I’m with gpleigh: I could eat an entire box of Exlaxx and still not give a crap about the Kardashians.
    This woman put these clothes on her body, looked in her mirror, said, “I look GOOOOD!” and left the house, expecting the rest of the world to agree with her. But instead, if we pretend we just can’t see her, maybe she’ll go away…

  28. Jules

    I had this jumpsuit in blue and aqua print. In 1990. I liked it! It was breezy.
    I think it went over a t-shirt…

  29. Sajorina

    What would Karl Kaiser say about this?!

  30. MillyQPublic

    Entirely awful. Everyone in this comment section is right. Peg Bundy indeed.

  31. Jenn S.

    I essentially HAVE that as a dress and it’s ridiculously cute (if I do say so myself!).

  32. ChaChaHeels

    Incredibly pretty girl, with an unbelievable amount of money earned in a clever, profit from the foolishness way…she could look like, wear, do whatever she wants.

    And she chooses junk like this.

    So with all she does have, she still doesn’t have any taste. Proof that it cannot be bought.

  33. Kary

    I agree with the posters – that jumpsuit IS terrible-terrible. As are the shoes, and indeed the whole Kardashian Klan and their “klothes,” and apparent inability to use the letter C.

  34. STK

    Random comment on Kardashian hair: I had Barbies in the late 70s with exactly this hair. I mean, I love Barbie, but she might consider toning down the extensions.

  35. anonymoose

    jumpsuit? what jumpsuit?! all i see are those gruesome foot covers!

  36. anonymoose

    i feel everybody’s existential pain here. when will the K’s feel ours and just leave us alone?

  37. Hima

    @ Vanessa: WORD WORD WORD. They are seriously the most unflattering article of clothing in existence. On occasion some tiny, skinny, little person looks NOT hideous in one, but never GOOD. Please let’s be unwavering in our complete hatred of them.