Yes, people attended, and sure, other shows are airing, but I know you all just want to talk about the Dynasty reboot. Let’s oblige.

I… do not know. First, Elizabeth Gillies looks, throughout, uncannily like┬áLindsay Lohan. And it’s hard not to watch this and think, “Oh, Lindsay Lohan could’ve still had a career if she hadn’t turned her last name into a verb that means threw it all away.” I am not QUITE sure Gillies carries biting the head off the wedding cake topper, but I did laugh at the┬áreaction Cristal gave it. Basically, this all feels like the Dallas reboot crossed with Gossip Girl, and may potentially be EXHAUSTINGLY conniving. But you know I’m going to watch. In Josh Schwartz We Trust, and all.

[Photos: Getty, Backgrid]