Taylor Badfug

Y’all, it’s happening. We must issue an All Points Fuggetin for Zach Braff’s girlfriend, Taylor Bagley, for doing something no sentient being has yet dared.

She has been inspired by Vanessa Hudgens’ pants. No matter how hard suspect’s boyfriend Zach Braff is trying to distract us with his man-nipples, the lure of the lace pants over spankies will prove too strong for onlookers to resist; we must therefore consider Suspect to be armed with a weapon of mad construction, and/or infected with a fuggotoxin that is more pervasive than previously thought. The public is urged to look anywhere but at her — including Mr. Braff’s areolae, should the safety net be there — for fear of mass contagion. Be strong out there, Fug Nation. Be safe. Or, go home take cover, because the fugpocalypse might be nigh, and we could be ten minutes fro it raining locusts in lucite leggings and bullfrogs in peplum hammer pants.

[Photo:  Splash]

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Comments (46):

  1. Dyanna

    He looks terrible. Gah.

  2. Allyn

    There’s a level of smugness on both of their faces that they have no right to, especially considering what they’re wearing. Makes me wish someone would slap some sense into them.

    • Orange Clouds

      To me they just look happy. Also I have a soft spot for Zach Braff, I once saw him at the stage door after a play of his in London and he was really, really lovely. Witty, kind and making everyone relax, one of the best stage door experiences I have ever had.

      • Kat

        He makes the most hilarious comments on Reddit. He seems very down to Earth and just like a generally goofy, mildly dorky guy.

  3. Lola

    I looked away from the lace pants and now all I can notice is how her head is so tiny in comparison to his. Now that’s all I can see..

    • mary lou bethune

      Her head looks like the head of a 7 year old… next to his…..
      but he is darling!

      • Mahastee

        They appear to be much the same height, I can’t figure out what is going on with their heads… Maybe he is leaning in and she is leaning back?

        Anyway, I know folks will throw squishy tomatoes at me for saying so, but I prefer her outfit to his. His is so BLAND. But I still love him, obviously.

      • Gigi

        Yes. All I think looking at that picture is ‘WHY IS HIS HEAD SO BIG!?!?!?’.

  4. Orange Clouds

    This post just made my week. Heather, you are hilarious.

  5. kathy

    He looks like Lincoln. Seriously. I’ve been to the museum.

  6. Evalyn

    My eyes! MY EYES!

  7. Jamie

    I think you meant “pants”. The quotation marks are necessary, as I am in no way willing to concede the actual title of pants to that… “garment”.

  8. crystal

    I am honestly more bothered by her weird shirt choice. I think I’m desensitized to stupid clothes now? What have you done to me, GFY?

  9. Alderene

    Seriously. Dude. Wear an undershirt. I make my 12 year old son wear one. You’ve got “moobs”. Also, I agree. His cranium looks huge.

  10. pam

    Too late. Saw a woman at a movie theater wearing sheer open weave leggings over a pair of bright blue granny panties. In Buffalo, NY of all places. We are doomed.

  11. Sandra

    And she’s wearing arm-warmers. Please God, don’t make me go back to the ’80s. It was bad enough the first time.

    How do people even put those things on? If I was ever addled enough–like, with encephalitis–to attempt to don them, I would for certain sure stick my thumbs through them.

    • thereset

      I think it’s a short sleeved shirt over a black long sleeved shirt. Which excuses nothing, just sayin.

      • mhorv4

        I actually love that look and wear it all the time. But also, I like arm warmers-mostly for cycling.

  12. Shannon

    This post was awesome, Heather. Seriously hilarious. I shall not discuss the “pants.” They (whatever they are) offend me too much.

  13. giggleswick

    This whole photo is messing with my mind. From her “pants” and shirt tucked (tucked!) into the granny panties to his weird mixture of seedy moobed-up David Duchovny as Abraham Lincoln (thanks kathy – cannot unsee!) to their matching pursed-lip smile expression. Topping it off is the fact that when I look at his face, my peripheral vision causes the strap from her purse to transform into the diagonal line of the top of his arm, as though he’s holding his jacket open to reveal a lining filled with counterfeit watches. But it’s not his jacket being held open, it’s her torso. It’s like one of those optical illusions that flips between being a vase and being two profiles. Or something.

    • Bdel

      I thought the same thing too! I wondered why he was trying to hide her by holding his jacket open!

  14. Ms. M

    He’s aging and developing big, soft man-boobs… the first thing i noticed in the photo, absolutely. And yes, her head is tiny.

    • Debbi

      YES, MAN-BOOBS. I have been scrolling down, wondering if I’m the only one who noticed. Thank you, Ms. M. I hope the “M” is for Maidenform, bec Zach is in need.

  15. vandalfan

    Abraham Lincoln selling knock-off watches on a New York Street corner- absolutely. I am intrigued by how, although he has his arm around her wee small waist, his head and shoulders are a good ten inches in front of hers. Frankly, I’m grateful for granny pants. There are some who might not be so modest.

  16. Helen

    More big ups to the post. I roared.

    Also, are those sneakers under those pants? Not that better shoes would help much… but they always help a little!

    Having never heard of this girl previously, I Googled her, and found that her lips used to look very different – and much, much better, in my opinion. The inexplicable choice to change them might have created an even worse accessory than whatever’s on her feet.

    • KellyG

      I ALSO thought those might be sneakers! I find it ironic that although the pants are sheer we cannot see the shoes…

  17. Melissa

    SO CONFUSED by proportions and joints and perspective here. Thought he was standing in front of her obscuring part of her body but in fact his arm is around her back in a way I don’t understand… You guys, are you sure Photoshop hasn’t started working the streets?

  18. Mary

    This may be the best post ever… Every time I look at the pic quickly I think he’s trying to cover her with his coat but then I realize it’s her purse strap and his hand around her waist…

    Or maybe it’s just my brain trying to envision it that way… Crystal – I think we’re all desensitized from seeing so much fug over the years! =)

  19. ceecee

    Buy an iron, Zach.

  20. Carabee

    I just can’t get over the disparity in the sizes of their heads. It’s mesmerizing.

  21. amie

    I look at her name and think she needs to meet, date and marry Penn Badgley so that she could become Taylor Bagley Badgley. She can later divorce Penn, and re-meet, re-date and marry Zach and become Taylor Bagley Badgley Braff.

  22. Bucky

    Oh my STARS, Zach Braff’s girlfriend. This is all I can muster right now: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29fu2WDtHos


  23. Jules

    There must be some kind of conspiracy.
    Otherwise, why would they be at some kind of premiere dressed that way?

    Also, I had to google Zach Braff to see if he was related to John Ritter.

    • maryse

      if i recall john ritter played zach braff’s father on scrubs.

      also i think i could snap her like a twig.

  24. katie

    Variation on a theme – thought you might enjoy this lil zine from Australia: http://cargocollective.com/oslodavis/Tights-Aren-t-Pants-Buttercup

  25. karanakau

    He’s practically thrusting his tits out. what’s up with that?

  26. Jade

    They have the same lips.

  27. gryt

    She did a Scarlett O’Hara, except she made pants.

  28. Kelley

    Seriously, dude needs to cut out the carbs. He doesn’t have to be super buff or anything, but please, make an effort. Your an actor.

  29. Heather

    Just realized he needs to play John Ritter in a made-for-tv movie about John Ritter.

  30. Liane

    Looks like they are at a tennis match, judging from the sign behind them. Maybe the pursed lip smiles are, in fact, not smug, but an attempt to hide their mortification at being photographed in their tennis watching / laundry day outfits.

    Also, she is seriously tiny. I can’t stop looking at her wee little wrist. And yes, his head is way bigger than hers. I think he’s got one of those disproportionally large heads that a lot of actors seem to have. Alas, I fear, and I say this as someone with a deep abiding love of “Scrubs” and Zach, that he is not going to age well at all.

  31. katkin74

    Peplum hammer pants! ha!

  32. Lily1214

    I like the way he’s ever-so-slightly standing ahead of her and looking so intently at the camera. “See me”

  33. Ms. A.

    There is weirdness with both of their boobs. And their heads. And thieir clothes in general. And them in general.