Taylor Badfug


Y’all, it’s happening. We must issue an All Points Fuggetin for Zach Braff’s girlfriend, Taylor Bagley, for doing something no sentient being has yet dared.

She has been inspired by Vanessa Hudgens’ pants. No matter how hard suspect’s boyfriend Zach Braff is trying to distract us with his man-nipples, the lure of the lace pants over spankies will prove too strong for onlookers to resist; we must therefore consider Suspect to be armed with a weapon of mad construction, and/or infected with a fuggotoxin that is more pervasive than previously thought. The public is urged to look anywhere but at her — including Mr. Braff’s areolae, should the safety net be there — for fear of mass contagion. Be strong out there, Fug Nation. Be safe. Or, go home take cover, because the fugpocalypse might be nigh, and we could be ten minutes fro it raining locusts in lucite leggings and bullfrogs in peplum hammer pants.

[Photo:  Splash]

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Comments (46):

  1. Dyanna
    0

    He looks terrible. Gah.

  2. Allyn
    0

    There’s a level of smugness on both of their faces that they have no right to, especially considering what they’re wearing. Makes me wish someone would slap some sense into them.

    • Orange Clouds
      0

      To me they just look happy. Also I have a soft spot for Zach Braff, I once saw him at the stage door after a play of his in London and he was really, really lovely. Witty, kind and making everyone relax, one of the best stage door experiences I have ever had.

      • Kat
        0

        He makes the most hilarious comments on Reddit. He seems very down to Earth and just like a generally goofy, mildly dorky guy.

  3. Lola
    0

    I looked away from the lace pants and now all I can notice is how her head is so tiny in comparison to his. Now that’s all I can see..

    • mary lou bethune
      0

      Her head looks like the head of a 7 year old… next to his…..
      but he is darling!

      • Mahastee
        0

        They appear to be much the same height, I can’t figure out what is going on with their heads… Maybe he is leaning in and she is leaning back?

        Anyway, I know folks will throw squishy tomatoes at me for saying so, but I prefer her outfit to his. His is so BLAND. But I still love him, obviously.

      • Gigi
        0

        Yes. All I think looking at that picture is ‘WHY IS HIS HEAD SO BIG!?!?!?’.

  4. Orange Clouds
    0

    This post just made my week. Heather, you are hilarious.

  5. kathy
    0

    He looks like Lincoln. Seriously. I’ve been to the museum.

  6. Evalyn
    0

    My eyes! MY EYES!

  7. Jamie
    0

    I think you meant “pants”. The quotation marks are necessary, as I am in no way willing to concede the actual title of pants to that… “garment”.

  8. crystal
    0

    I am honestly more bothered by her weird shirt choice. I think I’m desensitized to stupid clothes now? What have you done to me, GFY?

  9. Alderene
    0

    Seriously. Dude. Wear an undershirt. I make my 12 year old son wear one. You’ve got “moobs”. Also, I agree. His cranium looks huge.

  10. pam
    0

    Too late. Saw a woman at a movie theater wearing sheer open weave leggings over a pair of bright blue granny panties. In Buffalo, NY of all places. We are doomed.

  11. Sandra
    0

    And she’s wearing arm-warmers. Please God, don’t make me go back to the ’80s. It was bad enough the first time.

    How do people even put those things on? If I was ever addled enough–like, with encephalitis–to attempt to don them, I would for certain sure stick my thumbs through them.

    • thereset
      0

      I think it’s a short sleeved shirt over a black long sleeved shirt. Which excuses nothing, just sayin.

      • mhorv4
        0

        I actually love that look and wear it all the time. But also, I like arm warmers-mostly for cycling.

  12. Shannon
    0

    This post was awesome, Heather. Seriously hilarious. I shall not discuss the “pants.” They (whatever they are) offend me too much.

  13. giggleswick
    0

    This whole photo is messing with my mind. From her “pants” and shirt tucked (tucked!) into the granny panties to his weird mixture of seedy moobed-up David Duchovny as Abraham Lincoln (thanks kathy – cannot unsee!) to their matching pursed-lip smile expression. Topping it off is the fact that when I look at his face, my peripheral vision causes the strap from her purse to transform into the diagonal line of the top of his arm, as though he’s holding his jacket open to reveal a lining filled with counterfeit watches. But it’s not his jacket being held open, it’s her torso. It’s like one of those optical illusions that flips between being a vase and being two profiles. Or something.

    • Bdel
      0

      I thought the same thing too! I wondered why he was trying to hide her by holding his jacket open!

  14. Ms. M
    0

    He’s aging and developing big, soft man-boobs… the first thing i noticed in the photo, absolutely. And yes, her head is tiny.

    • Debbi
      0

      YES, MAN-BOOBS. I have been scrolling down, wondering if I’m the only one who noticed. Thank you, Ms. M. I hope the “M” is for Maidenform, bec Zach is in need.

  15. vandalfan
    0

    Abraham Lincoln selling knock-off watches on a New York Street corner- absolutely. I am intrigued by how, although he has his arm around her wee small waist, his head and shoulders are a good ten inches in front of hers. Frankly, I’m grateful for granny pants. There are some who might not be so modest.

  16. Helen
    0

    More big ups to the post. I roared.

    Also, are those sneakers under those pants? Not that better shoes would help much… but they always help a little!

    Having never heard of this girl previously, I Googled her, and found that her lips used to look very different – and much, much better, in my opinion. The inexplicable choice to change them might have created an even worse accessory than whatever’s on her feet.

    • KellyG
      0

      I ALSO thought those might be sneakers! I find it ironic that although the pants are sheer we cannot see the shoes…

  17. Melissa
    0

    SO CONFUSED by proportions and joints and perspective here. Thought he was standing in front of her obscuring part of her body but in fact his arm is around her back in a way I don’t understand… You guys, are you sure Photoshop hasn’t started working the streets?

  18. Mary
    0

    This may be the best post ever… Every time I look at the pic quickly I think he’s trying to cover her with his coat but then I realize it’s her purse strap and his hand around her waist…

    Or maybe it’s just my brain trying to envision it that way… Crystal – I think we’re all desensitized from seeing so much fug over the years! =)

  19. ceecee
    0

    Buy an iron, Zach.

  20. Carabee
    0

    I just can’t get over the disparity in the sizes of their heads. It’s mesmerizing.

  21. amie
    0

    I look at her name and think she needs to meet, date and marry Penn Badgley so that she could become Taylor Bagley Badgley. She can later divorce Penn, and re-meet, re-date and marry Zach and become Taylor Bagley Badgley Braff.

  22. Bucky
    0

    Oh my STARS, Zach Braff’s girlfriend. This is all I can muster right now: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29fu2WDtHos

    CHILD, PLEASE.

  23. Jules
    0

    There must be some kind of conspiracy.
    Otherwise, why would they be at some kind of premiere dressed that way?

    Also, I had to google Zach Braff to see if he was related to John Ritter.

    • maryse
      0

      if i recall john ritter played zach braff’s father on scrubs.

      also i think i could snap her like a twig.

  24. katie
    0

    Variation on a theme – thought you might enjoy this lil zine from Australia: http://cargocollective.com/oslodavis/Tights-Aren-t-Pants-Buttercup

  25. karanakau
    0

    He’s practically thrusting his tits out. what’s up with that?

  26. Jade
    0

    They have the same lips.

  27. gryt
    0

    She did a Scarlett O’Hara, except she made pants.

  28. Kelley
    0

    Seriously, dude needs to cut out the carbs. He doesn’t have to be super buff or anything, but please, make an effort. Your an actor.

  29. Heather
    0

    Just realized he needs to play John Ritter in a made-for-tv movie about John Ritter.

  30. Liane
    0

    Looks like they are at a tennis match, judging from the sign behind them. Maybe the pursed lip smiles are, in fact, not smug, but an attempt to hide their mortification at being photographed in their tennis watching / laundry day outfits.

    Also, she is seriously tiny. I can’t stop looking at her wee little wrist. And yes, his head is way bigger than hers. I think he’s got one of those disproportionally large heads that a lot of actors seem to have. Alas, I fear, and I say this as someone with a deep abiding love of “Scrubs” and Zach, that he is not going to age well at all.

  31. katkin74
    0

    Peplum hammer pants! ha!

  32. Lily1214
    0

    I like the way he’s ever-so-slightly standing ahead of her and looking so intently at the camera. “See me”

  33. Ms. A.
    0

    There is weirdness with both of their boobs. And their heads. And thieir clothes in general. And them in general.