Fug File: you'll feel better if you put on some lipstick

Gfugrls


Rock me Amadeus,  this is terrible:

Outfits like this are basically the entire reason this website exists. Because someone in the world will sniff of this, “you just don’t get it,” and I need somewhere to say, “oh, I GET IT. I just don’t LIKE IT.”

This dumb suit, with its too short arms, and those clonky shoes, and the no-makeup (which I get as a choice, but Zosia’s face needs some color and definition to compete with the INSANITY TAKING HOLD OF HER BODY) and the pattern that makes her look like she’s being SUCKED INTO SOME KIND OF WORMHOLE…I JUST CAN’T.  I CAN’T EVEN FINISH THAT SENTENCE. I CAN’T AND I WON’T. I feel like Elaine Benes: I DON’T LIKE THIS THING AND HERE’S WHAT I’M DOING WITH IT.

[Photo: Getty. AND MY NIGHTMARES]

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Fug and Fugjudice


Oh, Keira. It’s been awhile. How are you? Wait, don’t answer, I might already know. See, on its own, this dress is mixing sparkly and prim, in a way that is not generally always my thing but I MIGHT have launched into a discussion about its relative fetchingness (coming soon to a music hall near you: Relative Fetchingness, opening for Spandex Dolphin) if not for two things:

  1. The cutouts look like her shoulders are wearing wreaths; and
  2. She looks super, super depressed, tired, and wan.

And so I’m guessing things are not great. What’s up KK? Are you depressed over that breakup? Are you sad you’re too old to play Katniss Everdeen? Bummed that we don’t need you as much now that we have Carey Mulligan, who might dress just as hit-or-miss as you do, but at least does not walk around looking like she wants to go home and murder her neighbor, hide the body under the couch cushions, and spend the next two weeks doing nothing but eat crackers and watch Big Brother? Being cheerful might not fix a multitude of sins, but it certainly makes them more tolerable and fun — witness Nicki Minaj’s entire archive. So just think, Keira — if you had smiled, I might be Fug or Fabbing this, or at least mulling whether this would’ve been schoolgirlishly sweet without the shoulder halos. Instead, I am wondering if I should call your manager and have him/her sneak over to your hotel and empty the minibar.

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Las Fugas/Well Played, Kate Bosworth


So, if you ARE compelled to go with the styles that look intentionally wrinkled — I call it Sniff Test Couture, because it looks like something that was in the laundry basket and you checked to make sure it didn’t smell before deciding to wear it anyway — then pulling it off is all in your demeanor. 

Exhibit A — or, if you like, Exhibit Eh?
Soooooo depressed. And she looked about that excited about life when she was inside the party, not being photographed. We kept thinking, MOLLY, GIRL, there are appetizers floating around, the champers is on the house, and there are tons of pretty people around to ogle, and your dress was probably free… CHEER UP. Nobody is driving nails up your arm, unless that was your plan for the stroke of midnight and this look is dread and nothing else.
Conversely, there’s Kate Bosworth:

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SAG Awards Fug Carpet: Drew Barrymore


You know who I’m TOTALLY OVER RIGHT NOW?

Here’s the thing, sugar plum. The quavery, unprepared, gasping, “um, OH MY GOD YOU GUYS” reaction to winning an award is MUCH more believable when you didn’t just win the exact same award for the exact same role less than a week earlier. You can only play the Shocked, Unprepared Ingenue once, or it starts to smell prepared. For the Emmys, I advise that you try Thrilled and Grateful instead of Inarticulate Faux-Yammering. Secondly: SIGH. Why does your hair so often look as though you hired a squirrel to dress it? Third: while I love the navy blue color of this thing, the mini-overskirt confuses and alarms me. It looks like a wee formal upside-down muffin liner.

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Fug or Fab: Jenna Fischer


Confession time: I do not watch The Office. Heather does, so we’re not total philistines over here, but for whatever reason it just doesn’t grab me. I don’t know why. Regardless, I have been given to understand that people are all into that cute John Krasinski and Jenna Fischer here:

SO CLOSE. I actually kind of dig this, but the dress + the beehive (even though y’all know I love me some big hair) + the pale lip is almost a little too costumey for me. But what do I know? I am just SLOWING DYING WHILE WAITING FOR THIS FOUR-DAY WEEKEND TO BEGIN OH MY GOD WHY ISN’T IT THE FOUR-DAY WEEKEND YET I WANT TO DIE.

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Fug0,XFug, Fugsip Girl


Don’t look so crabby, Little J.

[Photo: Splash News]

Either the Gossip Girl costumers are reacting to the public’s generally horrified reaction to Taylor Momsen’s usual Crotchtacular Faux-Punk style by wrapping her in as many yards of fabric as possible, or Little J has fallen through a rip in the space/time/reality continuum and has found herself living in a Henry James novel (this incarnation of which offers extra sequins). Either way, she should be thanking God we’re not all screeching about how we can see the top of her thigh-highs. Enjoy the silence for as long as it lasts, kid. 

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