Fug File: washed out

Fug and the Fuggy: Part Bajillion

Far be it from us to let Cynthia Nixon be the only Sex and the City star to escape our microscope.

Nicole Kidman taught us all a lot of valuable lessons about fair skin and blonde hair and white dresses that look like nightgowns. I wish Cynthia had been paying attention. She looked so good at the other events, and while this isn’t, say, a DISASTER, it also looks like she’s waiting impatiently at the bus stop for her friendly son Casper to get off the Ghost Bus and tell her all about his day at school.


Project Fugway

Disclaimer: I believe — and this will not be controversial — that Heidi Klum has great legs. They are an international treasure. She should not be ashamed of them, and if I could have mine amputated and replaced with hers, I would happily do it even if it meant selling my kidneys.

However, if I were Heidi Klum and I were at a Gucci event that took place at the United Nations — hosted by Madonna and benefiting UNICEF — I might consider wearing more than a glorified shirt.

This reminds me of that scene in Clueless where Cher tells her skeptical father of her white micro-mini, “It’s a dress,” and her dad Dan Hedaya replies, “Says who?” And Cher replies, “Calvin Klein!” I am assuming Gucci helped outfit Ms. Klum-Seal, and I kind of want to remind her that just because Gucci claims it’s a dress, that doesn’t make it so. When she sits down at dinner it’s going to look like she’s on the commode. I find myself HOPING she’s got a pair of hot pants under there, and I generally NEVER hope for hot pants unless they’re associated with a Baby Phat show or an episode of Passions in which Tabitha turns everyone into pieces of clothing in a stripper’s closet. Having legs for days is a blessing, but that doesn’t mean you can’t take at least ONE of those days off, know what I mean?

Apparently it was catching. Behold Gwyneth Paltrow, generally someone who appears to take herself way too seriously to let much of anything hang out:

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Monica Fugna

Monica Keena bought this for her Skating With Celebrities audition, but that didn’t pan out, so she repurposed it. And, sure, her chest looks very perky-if-pancaked, but the rest is just so very Laura Ingalls Wilder in Little Salchow On The Prairie.



If you are already shiny and white, I recommend not wearing something that just about matches you:

I know Nicole Kidman plays Samantha — sort of — in the movie Bewitched, but this ghastly, ghostly outfit looks a lot more like something Endora would wear to bed. You know, after she’s removed all that makeup, and her red wig, and gotten shot up with a gallon of Botox that needs to settle overnight.

She is starting to give me the creeps again. If you want to get rid of a neighbor, hand Nicole a candelabra and some chains and tell her to walk slowly through their backyard. Instant haunted house.