Fug File: Vogue

Fug or Fab the Cover: Michelle Obama on Vogue


Things I like about this cover: It’s simple, it’s uncluttered, that shade of green on the wallpaper is awesome, Michelle Obama looks really fit and healthy, her lipstick is a good shade, and nowhere is there an arbitrary number of things being bleated at me. Somewhere at Vogue — and every magazine — I imagine there to be a database where you can look up whether 342 or 197 has been used before, and if so, at least make sure it applied to something else rather than repeat that there are exactly 218 ways to work your left ab, or whatever.

Things I am not sure about on the cover: Whether her dress looks like it’s being blown open by accident, the haircut (I think it is too severe on her), the stiffness of the pose; the fact that the only thing they could think of to do with Michelle Obama was plonk her on a table and arrange her arms. This looks like a sitting for an Official Portrait, not a compelling Vogue cover.

Things I understand about this cover: Vogue probably isn’t allowed to get too Vogue all over Michelle Obama, because it would probably in some way scandalize everyone and be perceived as disrespecting the role of the First Lady.

Things I nonetheless wish about this cover: that Vogue pushed harder to find a creative approach. I bet Michelle Obama wishes she got to have crazy fun more often, because when you’re First Lady it’s nigh on impossible to throw caution to the wind and do things that are insane, like say, allowing Vogue to feature you in a spread where you’re using gym equipment in huge wigs and ball gowns with insane makeup. But it might be nice to think people can do more with and for you than just Executive Head Shots.

What do you think? No treason charges here, I promise.

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[Photo: Vogue]

 

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Fug the Cover: Rooney Mara


Who had Mara in the 2013 Vogue cover pool? Everyone, check your ballots! (Next year, I’m going to figure out how to make handicapping Vogue covers a contest; it looks like, so far, Fug National Emma is the only one who called Rooney.)

Leaving aside the fact that she is wearing a fishing net — it’s Vogue, and sometimes nets are worn! Even I realize that these are things that happen — can we just talk about how apparently the Powers That Be had a whole conversation about how consumption is totally hot for spring? Everyone, throw out your smoky eye palate and get out your feverish one!

[Cover: Vogue.com]

 

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Predict The Cover: Vogue, 2013


Last year (I think?), we had an entire impromptu discussion predicting who would be on the cover of Vogue in the next year. It was fun. But I thought it would be MORE fun if we took a look back at last year’s covers (and this January’s), and then officially predicted who we thought would land them in 2013.  Then, at the end of 2013, we can take a look back and officially see how we did. Things to bear in mind as you make your predictions: who has a movie coming out, the fact that there’s going to be a terrible “Shape” issue (so that cover might be an outlier), and the people Anna can not resist. For example, I feel like Carey Mulligan is totally getting a cover tied into the Great Gatsby premiere in May. So, let’s take a look at Vogue‘s cover fugs and fabs of 2012, and then hit the comments to make your predictions.

My own predictions? In no particular order: GWEN STEFANI (a gimmee, since hers is out already); the aforementioned Mulligan;  Jennifer Lawrence; Chastain (she feels due for one);  either Michelle Williams or Rachel Weisz in PR for The Great and Powerful Oz; Amy Adams for Man of Steel; they’re going to toss one to Claire Danes when Homeland comes back and be all, “new baby! hit show!”; Beyonce (she has an album coming out, and is also Beyonce); Emma Watson; Naomi Watts (no way is Anna going to be able to resist talking about Diana); Kate Winslet, who also has a movie coming out (Labor Day, which sounds like the newest Gary Marshall 100-Celebs-in-a-Holiday-Movie disaster, but which is allegedly a drama); Gaga again (just because0; and, finally…..this is hard. I’m going to close out with Kiki Dunst, which is very unlikely, but I love her so….let’s just see what happens.

What do you think?

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Fug the Cover: Anne Hathaway on Vogue


Frankly, I’d rather read “Katie Holmes: Her Second Act.” Except isn’t it her third act? Or is Vogue discounting the Dawson’s-to-Cruise years as mere prologue? For shame, A-Dubs.

[Photos: Vogue]

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Fug or Fab the Cover: Rihanna


This is the first time in a long time that I’ve looked at Vogue and thought the cover was compelling. The “I Love to Have Fun” pull-quote feels like it ought to be on the cover of Seventeen, but Rihanna is killing it in that dress and — as Tyra would say — she has mastered the art of the smize. In fact, I assume Tyra is reading this issue at home (eating nachos and wearing a caftan, because in my imagination that is how Tyra rolls off-hours) and talking about smizing RIGHT NOW.

But what do YOU think?

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[Photo: Vogue.com]

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Fug or Fab the Cover: Keira Knightley


I just never think of Vogue as trying to target people who want to make their tendinitis sexy. … Wait, hang on, that might be exactly what Vogue‘s target demo is. Never mind.

Do you love it?

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[Photos: Vogue]

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