Fug File: VMAs

VMAs Minaj Carpet: Nicki Minaj


Here’s the big problem with Nicki’s outfit:

I really just don’t give a shit.

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VMAs Amusingly Played, Twilighters: Elizabeth Reaser


And tonight, the role of Kristen Stewart will be played by Elizabeth Reaser.

Yes, I know she’s in the movie, too. But come on: With the leather and the messy hair and whatnot, they are totally trying to insert a reasonable physical facsimile just in case Kristen Stewart never comes within twenty feet of Robert Pattinson again. If she shows up at the Breaking Dawn 2: Waaaah premiere in a skirt that barely skims her labia and sandwiched between Pattz and Lautner, we’ll know her bosses have REALLY come begging.

[Photo: Getty]

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VMAs Fug Carpet: Alicia Keys


Well, at least her hair is cute.

[Photos: Getty]

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VMAs Fug Carpet: Rita Ora, with an assist from Demi Lovato


Maybe we’re just jet-lagged and tired; maybe we’re just insane. But Jessica and I had to stare at this moment on the show for about five minutes before we realized this wasn’t Anonymous MTV Starlet and Blonde Rihanna.

 

It is, of course, Rita Ora on the right up there wearing The Bumble’s armpit shavings as a sweater, and Demi Lovat on the left, proving that being on a show wherein she sits next to Britney also appears to be turning her INTO Britney. Child, if you suddenly have any unsightly urges to prod photographers with an umbrella, please do not turn to the side and ask for advice because La Spears didn’t exactly handle that with aplomb. It was fully sans plomb, in fact.

The fun thing about this, though, is that when I saw Rita on TV I thought, “Oh, vat of crazysauce.” But now that I’ve seen what she wore on the red carpet, I know that this was really just a crazy amuse bouche:

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Special VMAs Unfug It Up: Ke$ha


So close, right? Heather and I have been talking about this for the last ten minutes and we can’t quite figure out why it just seems slightly off-key:

Part of the problem might be that it’s hard to tell what is exactly happening with the front of it, thanks to her hair.   Another part of the problem might be that I’m not entirely sure this dress is the right cut for her body. Ke$ha is kind of straight up and down — as am I, so trust me, I feel her on this one (as well as on the wisdom of including James van der Beek in every music video ever made, because if I woke up tomorrow with the ability to sing, trust that I would immediately arrange for him to float into my video. On Dawson’s dock. Openly crying). I think she needs something to give her a little shape, is all.  Perhaps a belt? Although, if she has a belt, this thing is going to be way too short, so maybe she needs a belt AND a couple of inches of fabric.  Maybe she just needs another neckline? Maybe she needs to take up juggling flaming coconuts to distract us. In short: I DON’T KNOW. What do you think? How can we aut0-tune this dress so that she is…wait for it…Pitch Perfect?

*Yes, the post is sponsored, but I promise you that all the opinions are our own. As always.

 

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VMAs Feh Carpet: Pink


I feel  like the first thing Pink must have thought when she saw Miley Cyrus’s hair was, “Really? REALLY?!? Okay, FINE, but if anyone walks up to me and tells me they loved me in The Last Song I am going to PUNCH THEM.”

The thing is, though, Pink somehow carries it off with an authority that Miley hasn’t mustered yet. Maybe that comes from the fact that Pink writes some of the best shout-it-in-your-car anthems ever, and Miley just shouted an anthem about how she shouts OTHER people’s good anthems in the car. It’s a step removed and a step behind, you know?

And yet, Pink’s dress, while empirically unoffensive, bores me a wee. Is that terrible? I love gunmetal, and it’s sparkly, and the longer I look at it the less I am bothered by it, but: Pink is so much more interesting than this, right? It doesn’t have the personality that its wearer does. Maybe she figures if she’s brimming with it, then her outfit shouldn’t, so as not to start some kind of nuclear charisma reaction. But I kind of want to see some fashion drama from a woman who can then turn around and do this:

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