Fug File: suits

What the Fug: Noomi Rapace


I have serious concerns about Noomi’s taste in suiting.

Noomi Rapace attends 'The Drop' premiere during 62nd San Sebastian International Film Festival at the Kursaal Palace in San Sebastian, Spain

 

This feels like¬†someone at Virgin Atlantic made a push for more festive winter flight-attendant uniforms, and everyone wearing them is overheated and generally Over It and wants you to stop ordering complicated drinks, Sally, because one woman’s splash of Bloody Mary mix is another woman’s avalanche.

Her other ensemble was at least better:

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The Fugp: Noomi Rapace


The blond was, at least initially, for a role. But now she looks like Lady Gaga.

Noomi Rapace

 

And then when you look at the rest of her, you think maybe you sleepwalked into a rogue DeLorean, and it’s 1988 and she’s The Bangles’ lawyer.

Here she is at least looking more like herself:

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Fug or Fab: Estelle


Real talk: The shoes, ahir, and makeup are doing nothing for this. And the suit itself is really sort of weird:

But once I realized the pattern appears to be tiny martinis — with two that almost look like they’re clinking each other right on her pelvis — I just started giggling and then suddenly I found it charming. Like how Jessica and I watched the New Girl pilot while drunk, and thought we were going to hate it, and then by the end had to ask each other if we’d liked it because it was actually funny or because the booze had taken over our faces.

Raise your glass...

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[Photo: Getty]

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Kids Choice Awards Fug Carpet: America Ferrera


This does nothing for me.

Worse, it does nothing for her. The two-tone pants aren’t flattering, the length of them isn’t working for her, the cropped legs and shortish sleeves on the coat are freaky together — like it’s trying too hard to be trendy but doesn’t actually remember what that entails. The blazer itself seems too stuffy, in fact, and the shoes add to the issues. About the only thing I like are the earrings, and I am totally guessing about those because I can’t totally see them. America Ferrera is so pretty and this feels overthought and undercooked, like she isn’t actually a guest but a hopeless chaperon.

[Photo: Getty]

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Fug or Fab: Kim Basinger


I actually think she looks foxy.

Kind of like if Robert Palmer dressed up his backup dancers as Bowie SWINTONs and then cast them in a movie called Single White Gosling, in which a bunch of people try to live like they are Ryan in an effort to achieve world peace through mass suavitude. My chief reservation is with the head-styling: Is it too severe for this? Or too costumey? Flowing hair might’ve been sexier with the suit, and her red lipstick feels a few shades too hot; it’s washing out her face and veering into Wax Lips territory, which I wholeheartedly support on her own time, but generally what a woman does with her Mini Babybel casings is best left between her, her kitchen garbage can, and her living room sofa.

Exercise your right to choose:

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[Photo: Fame/Flynet]

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Unfug It Up: Ke$ha


You could’ve told me this was Lady Gaga, and it might’ve taken a couple moments for me to question it.

But the thing is, that suit might be fun. It’s CRAZY, and it’s a hell brothel’s powder-room wallpaper, and Elton John probably has a version of it in bellbottoms, but it’s fun. Ke$ha usually hollows out my soul with a blunt spoon, so “fun” is really quite exciting here. HOWEVER: She punted on the shoes, and the shirt is a drag, and the heavy chains, and the sunglasses… Let’s brainstorm a way to sell that suit better. How would you style it so that it sings, rather than screeches? And no, putting it on someone else doesn’t count. Although if GOOP ran into frame and ripped it off Ke$ha’s body and ran into the ladies’ W.C., I’d stick around to see her come out of that bathroom.

[Photo: Splash]

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