Fug File: scrolldown fug

Amerifug Hustle

Amy should never have posed near a photo of how slammin’ she looks in the actual movie, because her outfit is basically the easiest scrolldown fug ever to be labeled thus.

Workable cocktail dress up top, lambskin condom on the bottom.

[Photo: Getty]


AMAs Fug Carpet: Jaimie Alexander

I don’t understand this hair on her.

She looks like a different person, which is a problem considering that a lot of people don’t know what she looks like to begin with and have only experienced her as The Human Showgirls Poster. Seriously, that hair adds ten years to her head. It’s NEVER a good idea to add ten years to your head. There are entire reality shows about toddler beauty pageant contestants that have proven this time and again. As for the rest of the outfit, it APPEARS to be a shirt with pants, and I really like the shirt and wish it continued into a cool, slinky long or short skirt, either solid or patterned. It’s a great-looking bodice. And then those wrinkly trousers pop up like refugees from Banal Barn and the whole thing dies like an iPad in water.

[Photo: Getty]


LACMA Gala Fug Carpet: Nicole Richie

I wish I got a dollar every time I used the following words: Well, she looks great from the neck up.

[Photos: Getty]



Dear Naomi Watts,

You appear to be using the double the allotted amount of ruching approved for this night’s event. Please either change your dress entirely, tailor it immediately so that your mid-section ruching expanse is halved, or, failing those two options, grow three feet. We appreciate your Sexy 40s Luau Hostess theme and have no desire to fundamentally alter it, but we are sure that if you examine your torso, you too will see that Something Weird Has Gone Awry: that is the outgrowth of the misuse of your Ruching Allowance. This, Miss Watts, is why we have regulations.

It’s awkward.

Best Wishes,

The Society for the Protection of Unusual Seaming Techniques (SPUST), Charter 677.

[Photo: Getty]


Paula Fugton

I don’t even know if this is, empirically, ALL that awful. It might even be perfectly fine.

But once you get to the heavy tights and the blue shoes and Victoria’s Secret soft restraints tied around her ankles, it stops being an outfit and starts being an obstacle course. In that I can’t get over any of it.

[Photo: Getty]


Halfway Well Played, Serena Williams

Well, after announcing she’d be “Maria Sugarpova” and then cancelling it, Sharapova then pulled out of the U.S. Open altogether with a shoulder injury. It was, to say the least, an intriguing forty-eight hours in her life.

Meanwhile, fellow tennis queen Serena Williams is just casually slamming it over at Letterman, where an awestruck child has replaced the Letterman Dumpster (which is a shame — after years of faithful service, that thing should get to enjoy the views when they are good). Her hair looks fantastic and her presence, as a whole, is so freaking foxy that I’m inclined to forgive the fact that I can see a navel divot.  However, I’m not sure I can be as relaxed about the shoes, which appear crudely secured with twine from the Wild West era — like a remnant of a very kinky afternoon with Billy the Kid and his favorite fringed vest.

Still, I admire her. Forget Tiger Woods’ hunt for 18 major titles in golf: Serena is the only active tennis player to have achieved a career Golden Slam in both singles AND doubles, holds the most combined singles, doubles, and mixed-doubles titles out of all active players male or female, and has 31 Grand Slam titles, which puts her at eighth on the all-time list (all from Wikipedia). And she’s still going. And she’s not even PRETENDING she’s going to change her name to Serena Miami Dolphins (she owns a piece of the team) or Serena Who Is Currently Developing A TV Script (per Wikipedia again). So, you go, lady. Keep your temper in check and WIN.

[Photo: Splash]